This has to do with my story, Shadow, of which there are many versions. The actual stories are generally the same. Only the first 2 paragraphs have been changed, so I ask you, which is better?
Original
He could smell the fear on the child, from his vantage point on the roof, as it walked down the alley. It was a heady smell, full of the promise of death. Silently shifting position he began to stalk his prey, delighting in its oblivious nature and anticipating the moment, the feeling of tearing it to pieces. Just the thought made him salivate, causing his pointed sharp teeth to gleam in the night.
Hearing the child's heart beat increase frantically, he smiled as he knew it had sensed him. It would know something was wrong, sense it with the instinct all prey were endowed with...yes, the child knew it was being hunted. He watched intently as the child approached a crossroads in the dark, twisted maze of alleys that it had mistakenly entered and gotten lost in.
Revised Edition:
Darkness crawled over the twinkling city, overcast by a turbulent mass of clouds. Shadow looked up; it was a good night for killing he thought. Lightning flickered above, revealing him as he stood atop a ramshackle building, peering down. The heady smell of fear wafted up, exciting him, making him drool. The source of his excitement walked on, oblivious. Shifting silently, he began to stalk the child.
The child's heartbeat increased frantically, making him smile. The boy was now aware of him. As if acknowledging this the little boy looked around fearfully. He watched intently as the boy approached a crossroads in the dark, twisted maze of alleys that he had entered and got lost in.
