Poetriez
Junior Writer
Gender: 
Age: 20
Joined: 31 Mar 2006
Posts: 45
Reviews: 24
300 Points
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 Posted: Fri Mar 31, 2006 11:10 pm Post subject: No name yet Help would be loverly |
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(intro)
Down in my heart I feel a dart
This dart pierces me more than anyone else
If I said I love you, would you say stay the same
If I said I love you, would you wanna be friends,
These answers tear me apart,
Making me feel like I don’t belong,
Maybe I was never meant to love,
I might as well not try.
If I said I love you, would u say stay the same
If I said I love you, would you wanna be friends,
These thoughts of me without you,
Crush me and my spirits,
I might be dense and you love me as well,
This drives me to try.
A light of hope fills me
I start to believe its not me
This is how I feel
If you don’t love me
Tell me, tell me, tell me,
Don’t say no and later come back
If I said I love you, would u say stay the same
If I said I love you, would you wanna be friends,
I don’t care!! For either way.
I still Love you and your still there
So, if you are still there I will love you just as much,
If I said I love you, would u say stay the same,
If I said I love you, would you wanna be friends,
So that is all I have to say,
So I'll let you on your way |
_________________
War is war
Nothing else
Nothing more
-J.G. Follett
Last edited by Poetriez on Fri Apr 14, 2006 6:49 am; edited 1 time in total |
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David Guinness
Speaker of the Forum
Gender:
Age: 17
Joined: 16 Dec 2005
Posts: 662
Reviews: 114
Country: USA
300 Points
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| Posted: Fri Apr 14, 2006 3:35 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: |
| This dart pierces me more than anyone one else |
Do you want the extra "one"?
| Quote: |
| If I said I love you, would u say stay the same |
I would suggest using the full word "you," just for literacy's sake.
| Quote: |
I don’t care!! For either way.
I still Love you and your still there |
Check your punctuations in this.
| Quote: |
| So ill let you on your way |
*I'll*
Other than that, my general lyrics suggestion, without having heard the song, would be to check that your syllables seem fairly comfortable- flowing and not too forced.
Sorry, I really can't think of a title.
I'd like to hear this song!
DG |
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David Guinness |
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