Topic ID: 8092
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Crysi
Cold and Fragile
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 Posted: Fri Apr 21, 2006 6:02 am Post subject: |
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Seconded.  I also heard one's quite the hopper and could probably seduce the enemies... although the other three would have to keep her from having real feelings for anyone on the other side. And one can never do solos.
Beautiful and deadly. Grif, you're leaving the best characters out! Sheesh. Write more, or I'll have to drive over there and slap you. Then deliver Snoink's critique. Hey, that could work... |
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Jerikas
Writer
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| Posted: Fri Apr 21, 2006 6:38 pm Post subject: |
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Very funny and easy to read. Makes a difference to the books i've been reading recently.
Any problems I noticed have either been said already or I've forgotten them. Looking forward to reading more! |
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Griffinkeeper
Storybook Godfather
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| Posted: Wed May 03, 2006 10:39 pm Post subject: |
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It didn't take long for the Miata to figure out it was being followed. A reckless bus isn't covert by any means, especially on city streets.
Silent Aviator was in agony. The terrorists were still in control of the bus. If there was some way, anyway, that he could take advantage...
Suddenly, at 12:58, the terrorists went down to start afternoon prayers.
Silent Aviator wasted no time. In a flash, he left the driver seat and began beating up the terrorists, while still in the middle of prayers. An AK-47 went out the window, followed by a terrorist!
Then, suddenly, it was over. The floor was covered by dead terrorists, the bystanders were covered in blood.
and no one was driving!
The bus flew off a cliff!
Then a small clown car went after it!
Inside the clown car, everyone glared at Firestarter.
"You said "Follow that bus!"
"Not off a cliff!" Snoink said exasperated.
"It's only a ten foot drop!" The pavement came up below the two vehicles.
The two vehicles slammed down onto the pavement. They were now heading towards the Chimp City Marina at an incredible speed. Both vehicles had lost their brakes.
Phoenix saw the problem and instantly made a decision. He shot three times to indicate that they were in trouble, which is the standard distress signal worldwide.
It should be noted though that the official way is to fire upwards, not into the engine. The engine died, stopping the car 100 feet from the marina.
The bus on the other hand, did not stop, but continued going straight towards the marina. The bus exploded as it hit, sending up a massive explosion. |
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Buscador!
The Searcher
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| Posted: Wed May 03, 2006 10:45 pm Post subject: |
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| Oops! I broke the car! |
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Jiggity
The Sinister Jigster
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| Posted: Thu May 04, 2006 8:00 am Post subject: |
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Um yeah. Okay, the one thing that bugged me was the prayer thing. Its unrealistic because it wouldnt happen the way you described it. They'd have to purify themselves before hand. They wouldnt just drop and begin praying, for 2 reasons: 1, the floor would be dirty, they'd need their own prayer mats and 2, they'd need to face the right direction first.
Did the terrorists even have to be muslim? Stereotypical.
Other than those personal issues, it was very well written and quite amusing. The clown car was the best thing for me. |
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Areida
The Warrior Princess Ari
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| Posted: Thu May 04, 2006 12:35 pm Post subject: |
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I think a lot of this is supposed to be stereotypes... I'm quite amused.
Leave it to Dono to wreck the car... |
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Griffinkeeper
Storybook Godfather
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| Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 5:48 am Post subject: |
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(Jigsaw, I was out of ideas. Unless you want me to put them on swivel prayer mats...
Didn't think so.)
The Miata had only parked when the bus rammed it. The occupant had left the vehicle and was now running towards a speedboat. Silent Aviator arrived too late and watched it go towards a large yacht. He pulled out his binoculars.
"Disco Loco," he read.
The SPEW Commandos showed up seconds later.
"How did you find me so quickly?" Silent Aviator asked.
"I don't know, perhaps the author is getting lazy," Crysi mumbled.
"What?"
"I WAS BEING SARCASTIC!" she yelled. Snoink looked skeptical, but said nothing.
"So, that's the Disco Loco?" Firestarter said.
"That's it," Silent Aviator agreed.
BLAM!
Phoenix had fired his Sniper Rifle. A second later, a random deckhand on the Disco Loco fell down. The yacht accelerated, leaving the harbor.
"*&$@" Smaur said.
"What?" Grif asked.
"Sorry, I forgot to take the marbles out," Smaur said.
"C'mon, let's grab a ship and go find them," Phoenix said.
"I think I have just the one," Sgt. Salt said. A few minutes later, they arrived at the pier of the ship.
"Voila!" Sgt. Salt said.
"We can't take that!" Areida said.
"I know! It's from Liverpool!" Grif said.
"Liverpool or not, we need to follow them," Snoink said.
"That's right! Let's go!"
"DQ, you're not going."
"BUT I WANT TO COME!"
"Tough," Snoink said.
"PLEASE! I'll do anything!"
"Okay!" Snoink sighed.
"Thank you so much Snoink. What can I do for you?"
"Simple. Stay on the dock."
"That's not fair! If I do what you say, I don't get to come along. If I don't do what you say, I still can't come."
"That's right," Dusky said as she went down the hatch.
"Look, I can clean torpedo tubes, cook food, swab the decks! Just don't leave me here!"
"Mesh, what do you think?" Snoink asked. She shrugged and looked at Phoenix.
"Okay," Snoink said.
"Tha-" was about all DQ could say before Phoenix knocked him out.
"Thanks Phoenix."
"No problem." The rest of the group got below decks as the Yellow Submarine departed.
An hour later four lads from Liverpool arrived at the docks to find there submarine was gone. Fortunately, there was one just like it with SPEW Commandos on the side. |
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I retired from Big Brother on November 11th.
On November 12th, I started showing up and having good ideas again.
What is wrong with me?
Last edited by Griffinkeeper on Mon May 08, 2006 11:25 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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Jiggity
The Sinister Jigster
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| Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 6:27 am Post subject: |
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Ah, amusing is the only that comes to mind here, and my my you are unning out of ideas, arent you griffy. Still, it was funny and thats your purpose in life, to amuse. Now dance puppet, dance! *fires gun at griffy's feet, yodelling*
Sorry, couldnt resist that. |
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Snoink
Snuggly
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| Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 7:14 am Post subject: |
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| LOL! Poor DQ... |
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Areida
The Warrior Princess Ari
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| Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 9:29 pm Post subject: |
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*cracks up*
Yeah, that's a very Snoink thing to say... I love it...
Poor DQ. *pats head*
But why am I the one to refute the use of the Yellow Submarine? I love the Yellow Submarine! Maybe I'm secretly scared of puffer fish or something. But... what about... you know... that certain group... who is now in the story, but has not yet been given an opportunity by their fabulous author to showcase their fantastic talent... *cough cough*
If you're out of plot ideas, just make the quartet drive everyone crazy. *cackles* |
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Duskglimmer
is happy in anywhere but there
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| Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 9:43 pm Post subject: |
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| Griffinkeeper wrote: |
| "That's right," Dusky said as she went down the hatch. |
he he... How nice and blunt of me! *grins*
Oh, and I love the boat! Can I drive? |
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The robbed that smiles, steals something from the thief. ~William Shakespeare, Othello
Boo. SPEW is watching. |
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Areida
The Warrior Princess Ari
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Country: no, not really. I don't have a hick accent or anything.
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| Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 12:01 am Post subject: |
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Don't let Dusky drive. We'll all be dead as soon as her hands touch the steering wheel, or whatever it is they use to steer in submarines.  |
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"Most of us have far more courage than we ever dreamed we possessed."
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Crysi
Cold and Fragile
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Joined: 16 Nov 2004
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Country: California Crew, yo.
300 Points
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| Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 12:15 am Post subject: |
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*grins*
Griffy m'dear, you've mastered my character. Bravo. Fantastic. |
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[Prokaryote] 8:00 pm: awwwww we love you too Crysis. but we hate your satanic WoW rituals |
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Dargquon Ql'deleodna
lvl20 Necromancer/lvl15 Fighter
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| Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 4:05 am Post subject: |
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*sigh* such a waste of a post but what ever....
simply put
I Hate You
not simply put
you can't portray me at all, thats not how i act, i am extremely anti-social, and don't beg, i like fire, explosive, fire arms, and music.... sheesh. at least take the time to read the interests on my profile. wont take that long to translate, just google
: german to english, copy and paste then read.... lazy boy. |
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Snoink
Snuggly
Writer of Legend
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Country: USA
1951 Points
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| Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 4:54 am Post subject: |
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*shrugs*
It's only for fun.
If it makes you feel better, I have a slight suspicion that freakforchrist and I am going to battle ... with me losing. Don't you love brothers?  |
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