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Jiggity
The Sinister Jigster
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 Posted: Tue Mar 28, 2006 1:53 am Post subject: |
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I really enjoyed this. Surprisingly enough, its not about griffins, although undoubtedly they'll make an appearance. And I have never wanted to be apart of the non-existent SPEW, as much as I do now. *sighs* anyway, as to the text itself.
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| Grif through the grenade hard |
threw.
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The integral symbols left no doubt as to who had them. They had been disarmed immediately. Two of the integral members parted, allowing a more senior member of integral to come in.
"A valient effort, both of you. Unfortunately for you, you have walked right into an Integral safe house" |
We know who they are! Stop repeating it like a bujillion times, well, 4 times. But you get the point.
I'd ask to be included...but I would probably be opposite you. So yeah, it was nicely written, weirdly refreshing, and just a little..arrogant? or obnoxious for one to write about themselves.
Bravo!
~Jiggy. |
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Snoink
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| Posted: Tue Mar 28, 2006 5:20 am Post subject: |
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| smaur wrote: |
Oh, and also — I have a sneaking suspicion as to who the Supreme Evil Overlord Person will be...
Hee hee. This is lovely. Singing quartet indeed. |
Hmmm... it depends. If it's a moose, it's her and if it's a pig...
Of course, he might throw an underhand and choose... NATE!
*duh duh DUH!*
The singing is wonderful. I can hear it verbalize in my ears now. |
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Doctor Kitty
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| Posted: Tue Mar 28, 2006 5:35 am Post subject: |
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Ah, gunslinger tales. Gotta love 'em. Nice work! Random and out of the ordinary; I like it.
I don't see too much to critique other than what has already been said. "Detonater" should be spelled detonator. Other than that, good job. There are some places where more entertaining words could be used, but it's purely personal opinion regarding that. |
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zelithon
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| Posted: Tue Mar 28, 2006 5:43 am Post subject: |
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| Yes good, keep writing and I will keep reading. |
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Crysi
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| Posted: Tue Mar 28, 2006 6:55 am Post subject: |
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I second (third?) what 'Reida and Mesh said. The quartet is totally awesome.
This whole thing is awesome, actually. Go Grif! |
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Writersdomain
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| Posted: Tue Mar 28, 2006 7:31 pm Post subject: |
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Love the singing!
EXPLOSIVES! hee hee!   |
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The Silent Aviator
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| Posted: Thu Mar 30, 2006 12:06 am Post subject: |
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Explosions! Violence! Terrorists disintegrating! Seriously, what could be better?
Thanks for including me Griffinkeeper, I'm honored. Good work so far.
Blood makes the grass grow!!! |
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smaur
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| Posted: Thu Mar 30, 2006 12:22 am Post subject: |
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| The Silent Aviator wrote: |
| Terrorists disintegrating! |
Ahahaha.
... I'm sorry, I couldn't resist pointing that out. |
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Areida
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| Posted: Thu Mar 30, 2006 12:27 am Post subject: |
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*laughs* I think you just made my day, smar.  |
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Griffinkeeper
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| Posted: Thu Mar 30, 2006 8:26 am Post subject: |
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As it happens, chemical weapons are a poor choice for close quarters operations. The first problem is that you need to be in full chemical warfare suit in order to keep safe. Secondly, they are completely indiscriminate.
So it was the Sgt. Salt, member of the SPEW Commandos, ended up waking up after the firefight. The entire floor was covered with bodies, but upon closer examination, she found them to still be alive. Out of her peripheral vision, she saw movement.
She wasn't the only one awake.
The Integral Leader was in the corner of the room, trying to stand up. The gas had made the sleep hard to get over. She jumped to her feet and lept towards the Integral man.
He pulled out his gun immediately, only to have it kicked out of his hand. She stood directly in front of the door.
"Move out of the way, Missy," he said, pulling out his knife, "Or I will cut your throat."
"Yeah right," Sgt. Salt said. She took out her pen.
"You think you can harm me with that?" He laughed. In a rapid motion, he lunged forward...
...just as Sgt. Salt shot out a burst of ink into his eyes, while she dodged the thrust. He yelled in agony, his hands clutching his face. She showed no mercy. She punished him with a quick series of movements: 2 groin hits, 8 chest hits, and a neck shot. The man was really in pain now.
"Think this is harmless, eh?" she said, before stabbing him with the pen. He pushed off from her and ran for the balcony. Sgt. Salt immediately pursued him. The man jumped off the balcony just as Sgt. Salt caught him.
It is ironic, how the durability of the clothing was now working against the Integral man. Sgt. Salt, seeing his plan, had reached out and grabbed for any clothing she could.
Sgt. Salt was holding him up, not by the arm or jacket, but by the underwear! He was experiencing the most painful wedgie known to man.
At this moment, Phoenix entered the room, his sniper rifle freshly cleaned.
"What the-"
"Are you going to stand there or are you going to help me?" Sgt. Salt asked him.
Another SPEW Commando joined them, this one wearing a pig mask.
"Good thinking Sis- I mean Salt," Snoink said. She now turned to the man.
"Where is the Integral?"
"Home, F3, 2," he spat. Snoink took out her pistol and aimed it at his groin, "When I write, I like to punish my characters. If you don't tell me where the Integral Secret HQ is, I'll make you my next character study," she said, arming the weapon.
"I don't know," he said.
"Who does?" she pressed.
"His name is-" he was interrupted as a dart hit him in the back of the head, injecting the poison. The SPEW Commandos, who had by this time bound and gagged the Integral people, dived for cover.
"I'm on it!" Silent Aviator said, before jumping off the balcony in pursuit of the assassin. |
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Last edited by Griffinkeeper on Tue Dec 02, 2008 9:45 am; edited 2 times in total |
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Buscador!
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| Posted: Thu Mar 30, 2006 8:31 am Post subject: |
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| I'm mentioned! I'm mentioned! |
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zelithon
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| Posted: Thu Mar 30, 2006 8:47 am Post subject: |
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Snionk (chortle chortle) pigmask. It makes me giggle. Too bad I am not in spew-the i wuold feel a bigger conection. I can not wait for you to continue. No really I can't.
Zelithon dies from lack of continue-ation. Sad really.
*chortle |
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Snoink
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| Posted: Thu Mar 30, 2006 9:45 pm Post subject: |
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Me??? Punish my characters? NEVER! I mean, in my story, one's a slave, one has a terminal disease, one gets his arm hacked off...
Okay. Maybe you're right. But there hasn't been any groin injuries yet in that particular story!
*ponders what damage the gun could do* |
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The Silent Aviator
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| Posted: Thu Mar 30, 2006 10:33 pm Post subject: |
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| Snoink wrote: |
...but there hasn't been any groin injuries yet in that particular story!
*ponders what damage the gun could do* |
"Damage" is an understatement... |
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Poor Imp
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| Posted: Thu Mar 30, 2006 10:55 pm Post subject: |
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| Griinkeeper wrote: |
| "Yeah right," Sgt. Salt said. She took our her pen. |
Typo - out, right?
So amusing. 
| zelithon wrote: |
| Snionk (chortle chortle) pigmask. It makes me giggle. Too bad I am not in spew-the i wuold feel a bigger conection. I can not wait for you to continue. No really I can't. |
I know. It is a pity, isn't it? We aren't mad-members of the SPEW...lack of existence. |
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