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Rider of the shadows. ch1
Rider of the shadows. ch1

by Daft Vader UK in Science-Fiction
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Non-Fiction

This thread was created on March 23, 2006
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Our Journey into Hell - Pompey's Pillar and Little Bighorn
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PostPosted: Thu Mar 23, 2006 8:04 am    Post subject: Our Journey into Hell - Pompey's Pillar and Little Bighorn Reply with quote

The Fourth Day – Wednesday, August 13th

Our Journey into Hell

I remember taking a nice shower. Let me tell you, it was nice. My shirt was soaked from my wet hair. Barnabus and Nadia were rather happy too… Nadia was anyway. Barnabus was sulking, I think.

It was blazing outside, and even with wet hair, I was cooking. Even though it might have been a good idea to go swimming, we all were too hot to even think of putting on the effort to taking our clothes and putting on bathing suits. Well, actually, Nadia would, but she is psychotic enough to do anything. You just got to love that craziness!

I remember Mom and I hiked a little bit to a gentle spot in the Yellowstone River, and looked at a small pond with paddleboats. This was definitely a nice KOA. It was too bad it was so hot.

We found a German shepherd and hugged him, and let his owner brag about him. Everything was good.

Notice the scarcity of description. It was just too hot to concentrate on anything. It was at least ninety degrees, and only looked to get hotter. We were all moving slow. Even when my siblings and I were in a park, we just sat around, our eyes glazing back in our heads.

I was looking forward to sitting in a nice, air conditioned van for whatever amount of time it took, which happened to be two hours. Perhaps we could swim a little in the swimming pool at the next KOA we were staying at. That would be nice.

We had no such luck.


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 02, 2006 5:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

First of all, 90 degrees Fahrenheit is equal to 32 degrees Celsius which is not at all hell-hot. We are facing 40 degrees C now in Spring-it will reach 45v in May-and 32 is nothing!! Besides, think about the Equatorial countries and the temperature they face. So the Hell you have faced maybe heaven to desert dwellers. Therefore your story is irrelevant!
How can you wet your shirt with wet hair under the shower? I mean, standing under the shower would wet your shirt; it doesn’t matter whether you are bald or have wet hair!!!
What is KOA-you should’ve expanded it at least once. The word ‘hot’ is a bit overused, you could have other synonyms. I didn’t like this diary piece. It’s vague and lacks a definite plot, theme and idea.

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 02, 2006 6:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hehe! Okay, in the original report, there was this photo of me smiling at the camera, and you can see my back. I pull my hair in a ponytail straight out of the shower -- I don't bother to dry it at all. Therefore, the back of my shirt gets WET.

And remember, everything is relative. It was hot for me at the time. Wink You Indians are much more adept at surviving the heat. I would not be happy at all where you lived, lol.

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This thread was created on March 23, 2006

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