Topic ID: 7924
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Boni_Bee
An old fashioned girl
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 Posted: Thu Mar 16, 2006 10:53 am Post subject: Sonnets Don't Work for Me... |
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Whilst sitting under a tree
In the dark of a night
After a thinking spree
I regrettably tried to
Write a sonnet
But since I had
A bee in my bonnet
It didn’t quite work out
Much to my dismay
So I began to pout
What troubles you?
So they all did ask,
Seeing my face
Turning blue
As I hissed and fumed
My very state did scare
A rather weary moon
Once more I failed to
See upon the wall
A genius token tale
Of yonder and of yore
Upon a varied vale
But I regret that quickly
I must go as you
Begin to yawn, or I will
Not be back again
Alas that would be scorned
... ??? |
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May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy.
Last edited by Boni_Bee on Mon Apr 24, 2006 7:43 am; edited 1 time in total |
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Elizabeth
1 Piece To The Original YWS Couple
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| Posted: Thu Mar 16, 2006 12:34 pm Post subject: |
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Aww... it was cute... but
Sonnets: 14 lines of rhymed iambic pentameter
1 line consists of 5 iambs
1 iamb equals 2 syllables
And you can add a syllable or two to a line if it's nessesary
I wrote a poem for xanthan gum, which consists of these, if not a sonnet.
I liked this... but the lines were too short to be a sonnet anyway 
I think you were attempting one... right? I mean... bee in my bonnet? Yeah, that's a sonnet.
Alas, Boni Bee, I must bid adieu
So after I sleep and after I rest
I shall return tomorrow anew
Don't get your hopes down, just still try your best |
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Bronco
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| Posted: Thu Mar 16, 2006 9:57 pm Post subject: |
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quite funny 
The second stanza especially flows well, and the 'bee in the bonnet' bit fits the author quite well  |
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Boni_Bee
An old fashioned girl
Novelist
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Age: 19
Joined: 10 Aug 2005
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Country: Australia
300 Points
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| Posted: Thu Mar 16, 2006 11:37 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks...  It wasn't meant to be a sonnet, because it wouldn't work! lol It is just a silly rhyming poem...lol |
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Sohini
Her Meowness
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| Posted: Sun Mar 26, 2006 5:18 am Post subject: |
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Nice-very nice. The short and rhythmical lines are fabulous!!
I really liked this: “As I hissed and fumed
My very state did scare
A rather weary moon”
In the line “I regretably tried to” regrettably is spelt without a‘t’. |
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Boni_Bee
An old fashioned girl
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Age: 19
Joined: 10 Aug 2005
Posts: 493
Reviews: 262
Country: Australia
300 Points
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| Posted: Mon Apr 24, 2006 7:45 am Post subject: |
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| Thanks Sohini! I fixed that up... |
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Searria H.
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| Posted: Sun Sep 17, 2006 5:57 pm Post subject: |
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I liked this! I have no clue what a sonnet is, but it was a wonderful poem all the same! I agree with Elizabeth.
By the way, Happy birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(It's Sun. Sep. 17)  |
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