Young Writers Society

This poem has been edited since the first couple of reviews.


Sitting at my laptop
with eyes staring
at my pile of abandoned stories,
wondering why writing
was once my only love
but is now my passionate hate.

I used to write so freely
with paper and with love,
painting a picture with words,
and rambling on about anything that came to mind
but now writing is such a chore to me,
and nothing makes me feel the same.

I write half a story,
and work on half a poem
but soon my eyes grow weary,
my fingers brush over the delete button
and that piece I spent forever on
is nothing now, to no one.

It's not a bloody battle
or even a merciless war
but the words all chocked up inside me
give me the tendency to scream
and get all frustrated
over something I should be able to do with ease.

I guess all I'm able to do is sit here
at my laptop, like I've done many nights before.
And stare at my abandoned stories,
wondering why writing was once my only love
and is now my passionate hate.

I know you said you didn't really care for this poem, but I actually really liked it. If this is "bad" to you, then you other work must be very good! I thought the flow was off in some places, but there weren't any major issues. I thought the the story was clear and well-written.

at my laptop, like I've done many nights before

This may have been correct already, but I think "a night" should be changed to "nights".

Other than that, I really enjoyed this. You have talent, so I wouldn't give up on writing just yet! (:

Hi there! I'm here to review this for you as requested!

So, I did like this poem. It's not bad but it still needs a bit of tweaking here and there. Honestly, I'm not the best person to go to with poetry but I'll give it my best short. ^^

I liked the first stanza it had a more steady flow and was much easier to read. The second stanza, however seemed to be a little forced.

I used to write so freely
about things that no one could,
but now my brain is empty
drained by my depression alone
and my imaginationless mind. Imagination-less? Unimaginative mind?
Writing's such an effort now, I think it's a little too late. What do you mean by 'a little too late?'

It seemed to be a bit choppy so you could probably take some time to try to make the flow of this a little better.

but the words all chocked up inside me
give me the tendecy to scream

*tendency
Also, I don't think Tendency is the right word to use here.

I like how it's repetitive at the end. It gives it a little something extra and interesting. Overall, I can understand how the character feels about writing. I know there are times when I feel the same. ;__;
Anyway, it's a decent poem but you'll have to add more description and possibly similes to this to give it some more vibe. It's simplistic, easy to understand and I like that but you'll have to dig a little deeper. Wow, I'm the worst poetry reviewer ever! xD Sorry if I wasn't much help but let me know if you have any questions.

Keep writing!
-Shear

Hi Kagi. Thanks for the request.

I'm not sure I can really review this, for two reasons. The first is that I'm not a poet, and I'm pretty hopeless when it comes to reading/writing/reviewing poetry. The second is that this poem (as I understand it, anyhow) is about venting your frustration, not really about writing a masterpiece. It's interesting, because it's one of those poems where I can tell there's something that's been bothering you for a long time and you decided to let out all the frustration by writing about it--only here what's been bothering you is that you can't write, so by writing this poem not only are you venting but you're also curing yourself, a little bit.

It's also hard for me to review this because it's something that's so familiar to me. I honestly think there's an epidemic of writer's block going around right now--I just feel so uninspired. >.> Anyway, I can totally sympathize with the sentiment of this poem, but I'm not sure if that's because you've done a great job of portraying that sentiment or just because it's a sentiment I know so well/was feeling before I even read this.

As far as the actual writing of the poem goes, I'd like to see more sweetness so it was bittersweet rather than just bitter. I don't know about you, but whenever I'm suffering writers' block I always think back on how much fun I have had writing in the past, and that makes me nostalgic. Especially because of the whole love-->hate theme, I'd like to see more flashbacks to the love part of that because it would help me understand the hate a little better, I think. Right now, you mention the wanting to scream and such, but I think that if I wasn't so familiar with what you're talking about I wouldn't understand it--it would feel a little shallow. If your really focus on why you feel how you do, rather than just that you feel it, I think it would be more successful.

I'm also intrigued by the "only" in the title. "My only love" implies that writing was really your life. It was your passion. But "my only hate" implies that there is only one thing you dislike, and that thing is writing. That seems like a weird thing to say, since it sort of means that other things have become more important to you instead of writing. I hate to point this out, because the title/last line/theme has such a nice ring to it, but it's just something I noticed.

Anyhow, I hope this helps! Let me know if you've got questions or anything.

a

Hey Kagi! You caught me again. I literally suck at reviewing poetry, and you asked for a review for a poem. lol! Anyways, I'll try to appreciate it if I don't find anything negative to say.

Sitting at my laptop
with eyes staring
at my pile of unfinished stories,

I get your moderate approach towards the poem. I get that you don't want to clutter with heavy words and want to keep it simple, but for me the word 'unfinished' could easily be replaced by something better to the ears. Maybe 'abandoned'. I know it won't make much of a difference, but it's maybe my personal choice. But I'd like you to take a look at it. Or maybe 'incomplete' would sound better.

Wow, I really liked it. As Pink said, I loved the repetition thing you had with the same stanza in the end. It was like a professional thing, and it really seemed like a better ending that anything else would have been.

I know you've got a Writer's Block since ages, but dear, it's high-time you got rid of it. I don't know exactly how but I think maybe I could help you out a bit with it. I am not sure how, but once we're committed to it, I think we'll devise something. As your poem said, I get your feeling of thinking 'writing' to be a chore. But you know that whatever you write from heart and love writing is what others would like, too. So, try not to consider writing a 'task' but something that is your last resort from everything around you. It would be better if you go and thing like that.

I know it's turning into a lecture rather than a review, but I would like you to pass on a helpful tip to you. When I can't write something good, then what I do is that I start thinking or coax myself that I am a good writer, and the other people don't have this talent and it's just for me. When you think positively, believe me, you'd be able to write something good at least. Then the other thing I do is that I take out my favourite books and open it to a random page. I read it, no matter which ever page number it is, and then notice how the writer has used words, descriptions, expressions, etc. This way I get a lot of inspiration and I write again. Try it, maybe you'll be saved. xD!

As for the poem in itself I think it's the second one you've had regarding your Writer's Block. It was sweet, and the feelings were well-conveyed. But I was kind of feeling that your words are all plain. There's no customary rule but when you attempt poems, maybe you should experiment with new words. One advantage of poetry is that your language can be flowery. But if same words are used a lot in a literary piece, then it loses it flow at a certain point. So, I would like you to maybe try writing something more flowery. Don't take me too seriously since every poet has a different kind of writing scheme and style, but that's what I really found was lacking. Your poem sure seems straight thoughts of mind, but they generally lack the beauty. You might try to bring in something more of 'imagery'.

Other small comment I would like to bring about is the title in itself. First of all the letters of the beginning other 'the' or words like that should have been in capital. For example, your poem's title should look like: "Once My Love but Now My Only Hate' . Other than this minor mistake, I really think that the title is not that catchy. If it weren't a requested piece and by you, so if I had come across this in the list, then I maybe wouldn't have opened it. Just because of the title. Your title should be something more spontaneous, fun or catchy. Something that would make readers to immediately open it and read. Usually, poems have short titles so the words inside speak rather than the title. So, your title doesn't need to be a line from the poem, but something other than that which is remotely close or points at the topic of the poem would do.

Anyways, this in particular was good, but I hope to see something more brilliant than this. Hope I wasn't annoying, and sorry for the weird review. Next time you'll know not to ask me to review poetry, haha!

Love yah,
Shrubs

You.

Okay, so yeah, here I am as requested. I probably should have warned you that I fail at poetry reviews, but hey, that's me for you. Please don't be offended by the pointlessness of this review... I will try to help you though, honestly, especially considering I know exactly how irritating writer's block is.

Sitting at my laptop
with eyes staring
at my pile of unfinished stories,
wondering why writing
was once my only love
but is now my only hate.

At first, I thought you were saying that the unfinished stories were wondering why writing was once its love, but now its hate. As in, those documents on your laptop/computer had emotions or something... Technically speaking, that is what this sentence is actually saying. What Id' suggest is that you put a full stop at the end of the third line, then have the fourth line something like I wonder why writing... I will admit that this is overly nit-picky, but because I suck at poetry, I always get grammatically technical in my poetry reviews.

In general, you do have some grammatical problems. There's nothing huge or anything, but yeah, I did notice some grammatical errors dotted around the place now and then. It was mostly comma usage and junk though really. I'm not going to go into much detail about it because I don't find that rambling on about grammatical rules in reviews really help anyone. If you do want me to go into more detail about it though, let me know and I'll happily help you out through PMs or whatever.

Okay, content... err, this is where I fail. Okay, so I like the content because I can easily relate to it. The majority of us guys on this site probably can. The overall flow of this was smooth and easy to read, and as a whole, the poem was pretty simple, which I rather liked. What I will say though is that I agree with what some of the others have said about descriptions and such. I'd like to see more. Writing feels more like a chore now and you don't like anything you write... Why? When you read your writing back, does it all sound like jibberish to you? Or is it so bad, it feels as though the words may as well be leaking off the page in a pool of dirty ink? Get creative about it. I would suggest some things to you, but I am foul at descriptions, so I better not.

*Just deleted half of the review. Is peed off*

Now that I've just deleted the rest of the review, I'll try and continue... err, I forgot what I said. Hmmm, okay. What I basically would like to see you do is go into more details on things. Right now, you're in a bit of a safe zone. You're telling us about the problems you're facing, but you're not daring to expand on them and get all descriptive about them. Considering you have writer's block, this is perfect for you. To get rid of writer's block, you need to step out of your safe zone. Try something different, something that you know will be a challenge because trust me, it pays off in the end. Even if this poem ends up getting ruined because of some new thing you're trying, it'll be worth it. When you can overcome challenges you wouldn't normally think of even trying, writing about things within your comfort zone will be a piece of cake.

Keep writing,

xoxo Skins

Kaaagiiii. I am here as requested. Unfortunately, you seem to have an awful lot of really in-depth reviews already, so now I'm all intimidated-like. oo" So, I don't know how helpful this will be, and it will probably be repetitive (I'm an awful person and didn't read allll of the previous reviews.) I'm just going to say what I think and hope that I add something new.


Fist of all - this depressed me. Probably because I love writing, and it's so sad to see that somebody's so close to giving it up. (Silly Kagi - giving up is for people who never want to go anywhere in this world.) But that was all it was - it was depressing and a bit too angsty for me. Don't get me wrong, I know how absolutely infuriating writer's block is, but there were parts of this that seemed a little... melodramatic. oo"

There wasn't even a pinch of anything happy in here, which sort of threw me off. I suppose that there's nothing good about Writer's Block, but it was just too... bitter. I like depressing poetry, but this seemed like a little much - I mean, it makes it sound like you just found out that you're going to die in three weeks and you're more angry at yourself than you are sad.

Don't get me wrong here, it's definitely a decent poem... but it's missing something. Even a pinch of something even relatively cheerful nearer the end - like your resolve to not give up or... something, would make me like it better.

Of course, I may just be biased because writing's still my ... one of my two loves. >.> *cough* Yes, I do tend to get biased views about writing. And because I'm biased, I have probably not enjoyed this poem as much as somebody who isn't into writing would. xD Anyways. That didn't make a whole lot of sense, did it?

Ah well.

It's over-all a good poem, but it's so upsetting to my biased mind.

Keep writing - Block or not! (or my dino army will HUNT. YOU. DOWN.)
~~Ish Psh :3

Thank you everyone for the lovely reviews.
I'm kind of amazed at how much depth you got into them, there wasn't really much to work with

Anyhow, thank ya'll ever so much. I made some loads of changes that I hope will at least make some difference to it. The second first, I agree, is very dodgey. I don't even like it, so I changed it and look at that... I still don't like it. I'm not sure how to put how I feel into words really. I guess I'm not good with this poem business. Thanks for all the corrections and such.

I know what you mean, I can't seem to edge in enough flowery description as many poets do but I am trying. It is in little sad attempts but maybe, one day I'll perfect it. I also change my title, as my dear friend Azila pointed out, it seemed as though writing was my only hate. Which it isn't. So I changed only to passionate. I kind of like it but again, I'm unsure of everything I've written, I'll just have to take that risk won't i?

Thanks for all that. Your reviews are all appreciated and welcomed, so thank you all.

*Huggles*
Kagi x

Hahah... I can't really give you a review here, Kagi. But my favorite stanza is the fourth.

Kagi wrote:It's not a bloody battle
or even a merciless war
but the words all chocked up inside me
give me the tendency to scream
and get all frustrated
over something I should be able to do with ease.

Good job! <3 I know what you feel... actually, I write poems, but besides that, I never finish anyth...

heyy girrl i actually liked this poem. If you think it bad then those other stories of yours must be awesome! I know what you mean....well don't force yourself. If you are happy and you need to express yourself, just write. Same if you feel angry, annoyed....yeah all the emotions you cen have on thhis earth-_--

Kagi, this poem wasn't bad. It was just deeply unnerving. You give such great advice on my stuff that I can't imagine you not writing anymore! Please, for my sake and everyone else who loves you sake, don't give up on writing. Yes, it can suck majorly, but don't give up. Ever. You don't know that you will someday get past it all. Sorry, I know that this isn't exactly a review of your poem. I kind of suck with poetry. But never give up. Again, sorry for the stupid pep talk... I'm usually more dark and twisty than this. You just have to tell yourself that this crappy thing called WB will go away. I'm thinking it needs a new name. It sucks to majorly to just be called Writer's Block. Anyhoo, listen to us all. Don't go away!

Cheers and love,
Luxe