Young Writers Society

Short story I wrote in a day, so I could get the unicorn's voice out of my head and return to my actual novels. It's a pretty rough draft, and I already have some ideas for when I edit it, but I'd like all comments, please and thank you. (:

*Edit: just to be clear, this is supposed to be a comedic piece. I wasn't going for anything serious and weighty. No morals, no redeemable qualities in characters, yadda yadda. Just pure brainless entertainment. (:

To Kill A Unicorn
Part One of Two

The tiny town Histeria was quaint, quiet—and also currently being plagued by a nuisance. The mayor had set up a notice claiming that anyone who could rid the town of the pest would marry his beautiful daughter, thereby eventually becoming mayor after his own death. Men of all ages had tried, eager to win the hand of the fair Rowena.
They were now dead and rotting in the ground, and the male population of Histeria had decreased by about half since last week.
People whispered about the sorry state it was when a handful of strong, hale men couldn’t handle one white horse with a horn on its head that wasn’t much good except for drawing poison out of wounds, and who would bother with poison when an axe would work just as well, with the added benefit of toning back muscles?
The unicorn came into the town square on the same day as the funeral for all the slain men; the people stared and whispered and thought dangerous thoughts about butchering the beast right then and there, and maybe even told their neighbors these dangerous thoughts, just to show how brave they were. The unicorn passed untouched through the streets, however, its white coat shining in the sunlight and its silver horn gleaming.
It walked right up in front of the temporary throne the mayor had had set out for himself in the courtyard, and stopped.
Everyone held their breath and waited eagerly to see if it would kill the mayor. The mayor cringed and tried to look small, a feat he was unable to pull off thanks to his paunchy girth.
To some people’s disappointment, the unicorn merely talked. “Sending a bunch of half-witted wimps who can’t tell one end of a spear from another isn’t going to kill me. I’ll promise you that I’ll leave this town, if you send out a young, pure maiden to the woods. You have two days.”
With that, it turned and dazzled everyone’s eyes with a shake of its lustrous mane that seemed to throw hot beams of light everywhere. When the people opened their eyes again, the unicorn was gone.
The mayor wasted no time in calling every person in Histeria to the courtyard, where the funeral was temporarily put off in lieu of a virgin-search.
It turned out to be quite harder than the mayor thought; many girls came up, offering to tame the unicorn, but were quickly called out by the remaining young men in the crowd. Some of these revelations incited mothers, fathers, and grandparents, and the mayor was soon immersed in a broiling mass of raging people.
In the midst of it all, the mayor struck upon the only solution he could, and as he called for peace, he stood to make his announcement.
“I shall send my very own Rowena out, and she shall tame the beast. Once it has been bewitched, we shall kill it and mount its horn upon my wall!”
A loud cheer went up, for everyone knew how sweet and smart Rowena was, and if anyone was to succeed, she was surely the person to do so.
Rowena looked a little uncertain. “Er, Father—”
“Never fear,” the mayor said cheerfully, starting to push his daughter out of the courtyard. “The creature is bound by ancient magic, so that it cannot harm or kill a pure maiden such as yourself.”
“Well yes, I know, but—”
“You can do it, my dear!”
Rowena’s protests were drowned out by the cheering crowd that shoved her out of the town’s borders and into the woods. Rowena disappeared into the woods, looking rather like a ghost in the fluttering white dress she wore. The crowd quickly forgot about her and, thinking their situation was taken care of, proceeded to get drunk in the tavern.
The next morning, Rowena’s body was found in the town center, stiff and propped up against the gallows at the edge of the square. Her white dress was stained dark red, and a large hole was in her chest.
It turned out Rowena hadn’t been quite as pure as her father had thought, as the stable boy later attested to. The crowd was in an uproar, and probably would have hanged the mayor if a voice hadn’t called out, “I’ll go.”
Everyone turned, trying to find the source of the voice.
“Mud?” someone cried in disbelief.
“Well, she’s certainly a virgin,” someone else snickered.
“Come up here,” the mayor commanded.
The crowd parted as if a battering ram was being wheeled through. Very soon, someone was standing in front of the mayor.
“Good heavens!” he cried, clutching his eyes. He suddenly realized he was being rather rude, and that this—girl—was saving him from a hanging. So he brought his trembling hands down from his face and eyed the girl timorously. “Er, you’d like to tame the unicorn?”
She nodded.
“And, er, what is your name, young lady?”
“Mud.” The voice was dull and deep, which rather matched the rest of her.
“Well, um, thanks and good luck and all.” The mayor flapped his hand at her in a shooing motion, and she ponderously left.
It wasn’t until the large figure of Mud had left the town’s boundaries that someone said, “Well, that’s it. I’m packing up.”

Meanwhile, Mud was having a hard time in the woods. There seemed to be all kinds of vines and bushes and other growths that liked to try and trip her up, causing a miniature earthquake each time she hit the ground.
Mud came upon the unicorn in a little clearing, and since its back was to her, she cleared her throat.
The unicorn turned imperiously around, saying, “Well it’s about damn time young ladyyeeeEEE!” The unicorn stumbled back, tripped over a root, and tumbled to the ground in a tangle of long legs.
“Didn’t mean to startle you,” Mud said in her dull voice.
“Egads! What monstrosity is this?” The unicorn sounded very peeved as it scrambled to its feet and shook off the bits of forest that clung to its coat.
“I’m here.”
“I can see that all right. But what are you doing here?”
“You asked for a virgin. Now stop terrorizing the town.”
“Oh good ghastly,” the unicorn muttered. “Don’t tell me it’s you.” It took a hesitant step forward and pulled its upper lip back, revealing a row of large, yellowish teeth. Mud had seen stallions do that before as they tried to locate a specific smell.
“You are,” the unicorn said despairingly, lowering its lip. “I’m so dead.”
A faint prickle of curiosity made its way into Mud’s brain. “Why?”
“I should have specified,” the unicorn said to itself, starting to pace the clearing. “I should have said, young, pure, and beautiful. Of course, I’ve never had this trouble before.” It glanced sidelong at Mud, then quickly looked away. “Oh, he’s going to skin me alive and use my beautiful coat as a rug, I just know it!”
“Who?” Mud wanted to know.
“Wizard Wentley, of course!” The unicorn stamped a front hoof impatiently.
“I don’t know who that is,” Mud said with a large sigh.
“He’s the nasty old wizard who’s coerced me into beguiling young woman away to his castle.”
Mud only understood a bit of what the unicorn said. “To his castle? What for? And why only young, beautiful virgins?”
The unicorn eyed her disbelievingly with one of its pearly orbs. “What do you think?” it scoffed.
“Probably uses them as maids to clean the place and the pig sty and the chicken coop,” Mud said, nodding her head in a sage kind of way.
The unicorn looked at her for a very long time. “Right.”
“Well, I suppose you can take me to him now. I’m used to hard work.” Mud looked a little sad.
“Er—are you sure there aren’t any others who might step in for you?” The unicorn started to prance anxiously around the clearing now.
“No,” Mud said despondently. “No one would do that. I’m a nobody. They say my parents died in shock when they saw me as a baby.”
“Well, that’s sad and all, but—”
“And then the orphanage wouldn’t take me in because they said they couldn’t have that kind of bad publicity.” Mud was on a roll now; tears were forming in her eyes. “And I’ve lived on the streets all my life and I eat whatever the pigs eat, and they all run away squealing whenever I come, so I actually get a lot of slops.”
“Bully for you.” The unicorn looked extremely dismayed, which was an interesting expression, as it’s so rarely seen on horses. “I suppose, since you’re the only virgin in the town, that we’d better get going—oh, no. What are you crying about?”
Mud took a heaving breath and strung out a lot of incoherent words.
“Sorry, didn’t catch that.”
“I-I’m ugly! And I hate it!” Mud screamed.
The unicorn flattened its ears back at the volume. “Well, it’s not something to cry about. What about all that jaw—I mean, what about those wise sayings about you having, um, beauty on the inside?” It looked very unconvincing as it said this.
Mud sniffled. “It’s all right. I’m used to it. I just get tired sometimes.”
“Yes. Well. Don’t we all. Shall we be going now?” The unicorn shifted from one side to another on its hooves.
“All right.”
Mud slowly trudged after the unicorn, which kept glancing back at her and seemed to be muttering to itself. Mud didn’t hear what it said, and she didn’t much care.

Alright, so

Your title really got me. And I've been on Unicorns this week, so good. However, you had a lot of detail, but didn't really describe the settings or the characters to the reader. Show why Rowena is so fair, and Mud isn't so girlish.
I liked, however, how you added so many little twists to keep the reader reading. I totally believed that Rowena would come out alive, or that the unicorn talked.


On to the next part-
WickedWonder

Hi Ranger! I don't want to thank you for your request, and I'm not here to fulfill it.I didn't just spend an hour and a half reading Anna Karenina by firelight and I'm not in an extremely good mood because of it. Also, from hereon in the review I'm not going to abandon sarcasm because that wouldn't be confusing at all. ^_~

Okay. First I'm going to point out a few nitpicky things and then I'll get on with the overall review.

The tiny town Histeria was quaint, quiet—and also currently being plagued by a nuisance.

This sounds awkward, especially the underlined part. It's not all that bad, but since it's the opening line I think it could use to be streamlined a bit. Maybe say "The tiny town OF Histeria..." or "Histeria was a tiny town, quaint and quiet." Something? I dunno. "The tiny town Histeria" just feels like an awkward way to open a story.

The unicorn came into the town square on the same day as the funeral for all the slain men; the people stared and whispered and thought dangerous thoughts about butchering the beast right then and there, and maybe even told their neighbors these dangerous thoughts, just to show how brave they were.

I was confused by this since it seemed like you were explaining the time that the unicorn first came to town, and how could it have first come to town at the funeral of all the townspeople it had killed? I suggest you tell us about the first time the unicorn actually came, because not only would that clear up this confusion but it's also something I'm curious about.

In the midst of it all, the mayor struck upon the only solution he could, and as he called for peace, he stood to make his announcement.

This sentence seems rather awkward to me. For one thing, I think that should be "the only solution he could think of" (or something like that) and for another thing, I find the sequence of the last part of the sentence a wee tad confusingly worded. In any case, I think this should be two sentences... maybe something along the lines of: "In the midst of it all, the mayor struck upon the only solution that seemed plausible to him. Calling out for peace, he stood to make his announcement."

Her white dress was stained dark red, and a large hole was in her chest.

That seems like a rather odd way to say it. >.< I know you're going for the detached feeling, but maybe try "there was a large hole in her chest"? It sounds a little more natural... to me, anyway.

“Egads! What monstrosity is this?”

*snicker*

“I’m so dead.”

*double snicker*

“Who?” Mud wanted to know.

Put please don't say "wanted to know." >.< It's one of those phrases people use all the time to keep from having repetitive dialogue tags and... I rather have repetitive dialogue tags, personally. You may be doing this on purpose to make a point with your writing style (since you use other clichés for the sake of humor), but it's a pet-peeve of mine so I don't really find it all that amusing. >.>

“Probably uses them as maids to clean the place and the pig sty and the chicken coop,” Mud said, nodding her head in a sage kind of way.

Do you mean to say "palace"?

The unicorn looked extremely dismayed, which was an interesting expression, as it’s so rarely seen on horses.

*triple snicker*
---------------------------------------------

Okay. That wasn't amusing at all. ^_^

In all honesty, I wasn't sure what to think when I started reading. From the title, it sounded like it could be serious, and I don't think I've ever read anything you've written before, so I didn't know what to expect. Though I probably should have known that it would be a parody because... honestly, who writes about unicorns in a serious way anymore? Anyway, as soon as I'd read the first sentence (a town named Histeria? Huh?) I knew that it was going to be a comedy.

I think there are a lot of aspects of this that you did very well. It certainly made me snicker on many occasions (if you haven't noticed) and it was light and witty and you definitely nailed the feeling of an old fairytale gone wrong. It's not fine literature, but that's not what you were going for--in fact, I think you've probably done exactly what you want to do: written a funny, entertaining piece that's a lot of fun to read. And I'm sure it was a lot of fun to write as well.

It's kind of hard to review comedy because it's so subjective and it's so touchy. You can never really pinpoint what makes something funny or not funny, so you can never really tell someone how to make something funnier. For example, I think this piece is quite funny--bordering on brilliant, actually. But that's it. It's not quite brilliant and I'm not sure why. One theory, though, is that you don't really go very in-depth about anything. It feels a little wishy-washy because you sort of flit from subject to subject without dwelling on anything in particular. Maybe if you chose a few things and really elaborated on them, it might be better?

Also, the whole piece is very detached. That's part of what makes it so funny. Everyone in the story is selfish and kind of stupid and oblivious. When Rowena dies, nobody is really very traumatized, and so neither is the reader. But I think you might be more successful if you did describe some emotion. Not particular emotions, but mass emotions that the whole town has. For example, I'd like to know why they found the unicorn such an nuisance. How did it affect them?

Anyway, I think I've rambled on long enough. Like I say, I like this piece but I don't think it's quite reaching its full potential. It feels a little bit unsure of itself, so I'd like to see it be a bit more vibrant.

I'm not sure if that makes any sense, but don't you dare PM me or post on my wall with questions, because I never want to clarify anything I've said, and please don't keep writing.

a

Hello!
Okay well there is not much for me to say as Azila and WickedWonder have covered most of it but let me say I really liked this piece for it made a different point of view of unicorns, usually unicorns are displayed as kind and mystic ect but you made this have a sense of humor and stuff that made it really enjoyable.
I also like how the pure one was not the beautiful one as when I was reading it I was fully expected it to be a girlish no-plot story where Rowena would come back with the unicorn but I was pleasantly surprised.
Nice work!
SweetMoments

Great! Once again... Ugh, I'll get this over with, because I won't help you much anyways.

I really liked it, I love your style (duh) and I'm really looking forward to the second part.

Two things:

First:

They were now dead and rotting in the ground, and the male population of Histeria had decreased by about half since last week.

I think it ought to be "the week before".

Second:
Why do you always have to leave us hanging, right over this huge cliff??

You can probably just ignore the second complaint, but I had to get it off my chest.

~Lemikita

Daughter.

I am not at all upset that I'm not first. Not at all. Because I'd have to admit that I have a problem. And I don't.

So there.

Thank you for posting this. I actually saw it quick-like yesterday, but I don't love you enough to do a review on my ipod

Azila caught the thing or two that bothered me, but there was something else, also. They never explain how it is that the unicorn is a bother to them. They explain about the many men who have tried and died, but not the reason they went after the unicorn in the first place.

Also, the unicorn's voice reminds me slightly of Jot's. So, you're forgiven for now posting more of that. *smiles*

Other than that slight nitpick, I think this was good and funny, and like Azila, I liked the detached tone of it. Can't wait to read more!

Mum.

Hello there Ranger!

Long time no chat, eh? How are you, my dear sister? >8D

Here as promised. ^^

~First of all, your introductory line can be improved. You seem to rely much on adjectives and it's evident as I read the first part of your story. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, but you should try to tone it down because it would just weaken your prose. As much as possible, slash out those adjectives that are not that necessarily needed in the story.

~Second thing I noticed are your word repetition. Like for example, the word "dangerous" has been used thrice in a paragraph. Though that's just a very minor issue, of course. Onwards. ^^

~I find the conversation between characters very funny. I never thought that it would turn into something like this, judging your title. Anyways, although there's a quite humor here, I would have expected your prose to be stronger. There are some instances when the flow of the story is fast and it seems that you're almost to the point of blandly telling a story. Seems just like a funny fairytale for me. The setting of this story is somehow like in Medieval Age but seeing their dialogs, I think everything is all mixed up. There are many confusing points because you tend to jump or skip every scenes, which is kind of hard to keep track of. Especially in the part where most men died and Rowena failed to do her task.

~Mud and the unicorn are the characters which lacks depth. One-dimensional as far as the story development is concerned. They are not well introduced properly in the story and they seem unrealistic. I don't know, it's just that they are presented abruptly and the connection between your characters and I is a bit blurry.

~Grammar wise, I don't really have any technical nitpicks. I understand that this is a rough draft, so try reading this one aloud and see if you notice some parts which needs fixing. And just so be careful on how you use some words. You tend to write them repetitively, or two words in a sentence which have the same meaning.

~Overall, I know you have much more up to your sleeve in terms of potential, Ranger. Hope this helps and let me know if you have any questions.

Keep writing,
Yuri

Hi Ranger! The title caught my eye, so here I am. ^^

First off, I want to say that your dialogue skills are excellent. You wrote it in a way that makes it flow nice and natural - plus, you made sure to have the characters speak in a distinctive voice, which I consider is a good feat to accomplish. The imagery portrayed in the story was good as well, so no problems there.

One thing I do want to remark on is the story's effect on the reader (me, I guess). I didn't feel too...involved with this story. It's like I'm looking in rather than feeling like I'm in the story, feeling what the characters are feeling. Also, some of the characters I did not like - the mayor, for example. Is he really that tactless to hold off a funeral for half of the male population, just to search for some virginal ladies? Ugh, not sure if that was what you were aiming for, but some of the people here grind on my nerves.

That's all for now. ^^

Yo Hawk,

I hate reviewing stuff like this. I feel like I'm stifling creative freedom whenever I have an constructive criticism. Nevertheless, I am here and here to stay, so be brace yourself. Or don't read my review. One of the two. Like any surgeon, however, I will tell you that this won't hurt. Nope. Not one bit. * removes scalpel *

Let's get to the meat of the matter.

Deploying humor in a literary work is achieved primarily with one of two methods: Gross exaggeration or gross understatement. You use both of these in your story effectively.

To some people's disappointment, the unicorn merely talked,

is an example of understatement. While

With that, it turned and dazzled everyone's eyes with a shake of its lustrous mane that seemed to throw hot beams of light everywhere

is a gross exaggeration.

Names like Histeria are only funny to people with bad senses of humor. Oh and also to their creators with good senses of humor. Nevertheless, a serious reader (a person like me) will find this sort of a name rather weak and belittling to your entire piece. Especially when placed alongside a name crafted by the real masters of humor. A name like “Ankh-Morpork” if you get the reference.

Oh, I got distracted from my main point there. The exaggeration and understatement are far more effective when the subjects that they parody are as regal as they might possibly be. Yes, Mayor and his daughter might be far more effective as King and Princess. A small quaint village might be more effective as a large regal city.

And then there's the show and tell thing. Especially in humor, telling can often be far more effective than showing. This is only true, though in certain types of passages. The passages of understatement as discussed above. When setting a scene, though, like that of all the men having died, or the other scenes with the sole purpose of setting the scene for the remainder of the story it's often far more effective to show the scene from up close. I would have told the story from the perspective of a nice cliched prince getting skewered or something to that effect.

On the whole though, I think you've got great potential as a humor writer and have a natural talent for writing funny stuff. I really like this.

Any questions, let me know.

Keep well
Yoda

Hey there!

What can I say? I loved this. The wryness of the whole thing was incredibly funny. I can see where some people are coming from in the lack of depth to the characters, but honestly, I like it as is. Lack of depth is not good normally, but this is one of those stories that, while I don't feel incredibly invested emotionally, I am incredibly intrigued and want to read just to see what sort of twists and humor are going to come out of it. I don't know if that's what you want or not, but know that I really did like it.

To some people’s disappointment, the unicorn merely talked.

"Spoke" instead of "talked", maybe?

The unicorn eyed her disbelievingly with one of its pearly orbs.

Crow: You mean eyes?
Mike: Let's not jump to conclusions.
I see you're going for more varied description, but for real, all I can think of is the MST3K riff on "The Eye of Argon". Painful, painful memories. Simpler can be better, my friend.

I do agree with borntobeawriter that the one thing that bothers me is that its never really said how the unicorn is being a nuisance to the point where they would want to kill it. Sure, after it's killed a few people, I can see why they would want to take it out, but before that. Did someone try to go after it for its horn and then it took them out and thus began the whole cycle?

Thumbs up from me, m'dear.

~GryphonFledgling

I agree that there should be a reason that the unicorn is bothersome. I am in one of my faerie-tale modes, because I have recently heard a beautiful song called 'The Last Unicorn' so I am currently in awe of these fantastical creatures. Many of these reviews on this work are about the way you write. How you said 'pearl orbs' in the stead of 'eyes' or gave it a name like 'Hysteria' or called it a 'tiny, quaint, quiet village' and all that. I really like it. First off, the name. Hysteria. A good name, but I like names like, how do I put this, like most of the placenames in the Eragon Inheritance Cycle. Christopher (the author) used placenames like 'Du Vrangr Gata' and 'Gi 'Lead' and Carvahall and other similar delightful names. Was 'Hysteria' meant to sound like 'history'? most of the readers noticed that it beared resemblance to 'hysterical. And the orb thing? love it. Honestly when I read the title, I thought it was an awe-inspiring poem about the magnificent beasts. Tell us why this unicorn is a nuisance. Is the creature wanted for the horn? And why does this mayor despise it enough to reward the killer with his daughter's hand? It must be very bothersome........or have a beautiful horn...........Other than that, nice job.

Good evening, Ranger. I hope you don't mind, but I'm here to review this piece. It's my first review, so do tell me if I've done something wrong. Constructive criticism never hurt anybody, after all.

Now, to be honest, I yawned after the first paragraph. Given I often sleep past midnight, it's unlikely my disposition is due to the late hour. Your words simply don't sing to me as they should, and they fall flat. They strike me as dry, boring, and smell of a hook that tried too hard - a gimmick, if you will. In addition to that, I believe I've heard this before. It's nothing new, but you seem to present it with a flourish - and it takes itself so seriously! My my.

It's also worth noting that "Histeria" is insanely obvious (Hysteria?), and it attempted to jump into the town of clever only to stumble and fall face-first into the mud. Embarrassing. I'm beginning to feel as if subtlety has faded away from popular culture.

Your third paragraph isn't a paragraph as much as it is one mouthful of a sentence. There are too many ideas tangled into your beloved sentence. Do consider chopping off one or two of your ideas there.

After that wreck of a beginning, I didn't have much heart to continue reading, but I charged onward anyway. Christ, I wish I hadn't.

A talking unicorn? Perhaps a talking dragon could be taken seriously, but the unicorn has been degraded into something laughable. To make a unicorn talk? Perhaps only in a satire. Even then, it'd be a herculean task to turn such a cliched joke into something remotely comedic. Unfortunately, this piece took itself so seriously it's obvious it's not a satire, or a comedy.

Even worse, what the unicorn said was hackneyed. Dull. Overdone. A maiden? What in the world would a unicorn do with a virgin? I doubt innocence has any effect on the flavor of a man's flesh. And why leave the town? The unicorn has the townspeople under its hoof, so to speak. Power is intoxicating. Why would you leave a perfectly good town? Of course, the townspeople want to kill you, but it's not as if they're succeeding. Why offer them advice on how to kill you?

I understand you're drawing from fairytales, and perhaps trying to darken the tone of a fairytale with this...mess, but I can't fathom why you chose to use unicorns, or why you chose to take yourself so seriously with such a topic. Fairytales can get away with them only because they are terrible examples of literature - they make little sense, which is why only the youngest of children enjoy them.

If you want to darken a fairytale, you'll have to make sense. Today's audience has no patience for such drivel.

Moving on, the little humor you tried to inject with Rowena's death is little more than a desperate shot at redeeming the story. Comedy is difficult; even the best of writers fail at it sometimes. The humor you injected was expected, and maddeningly, almost insulting to the reader's intelligence. It makes little sense. Why didn't Rowena confess before the crowd? And pushing her into a forest? Have you ever seen a forest? There is no simple line that divides it from the rest of the world; it starts out thin and thickens later on. In addition to that, why would Rowena flee into the forest? Why not leave?

It's making less sense by the word.

Even worse, the mayor seems unaffected by his daughter's death. Good God, he sent his own daughter to her death, and he's not even grieving. Now that's a psychopath, if I've ever seen one executed well in literature.

Take note I haven't paid much heed to your prose. Normally I have nothing against telling, but your choice of words and propensity for adverbs and adjectives alike is stunning. Your taste in names is even better. Mud, for an ugly girl? How ingenious!

Now, as I read further, I realize that perhaps...perhaps this piece is meant to be comedic. However, that does not excuse this: "ladyyeeeEEE!" Such childish, crass humor. The best comedy is witty; it's subtle, and requires thinking. This type of humor is crass and much too obvious to qualify as something genuinely funny. I can see the cue telling me to laugh now.

Upon this realization, I have several more problems with this piece. Its tone isn't consistent, for one. Your hook is unbelievably misleading, for another. Finally, seeing as this isn't my type of piece, I won't bother finishing it.

A humorous story that has failed to make me even smile so many words into it has nothing that will make me burst into laughter later on.

Do understand that I skimmed the rest,and my eye caught some drivel about inner beauty. Let's be honest with ourselves: this is overdone, and it seems as if we're only repeating this to ourselves because we can't accept how shallow our culture really is. People are judged on the sole basis of their looks; this is the truth. If you wish to spread the admirable but deluded message of inner beauty, you might want to present it in a subtler manner. Shoving a pie in your audience's face and demanding they laugh isn't going to win anyone over.

Having said all this, I hope you take what I said into consideration. Once again, good evening.

Aziraphale -- first off, thanks for the review; for a first one, it was very long and impressive!

Now, about the story: I think you misunderstood a lot of what I was going for in this piece; it was supposed to be a humorous parody that mocks a lot of popular fairytale-type stories through gross exaggeration and a detached feel to everything. I wasn't trying to make it serious or dark, and I certainly was not attempting to relay a deep, profound message to readers. It was just a light-hearted, completely brainless piece of entertainment. I understand that it wasn't your type of story, and I thank you for reading and reviewing it anyway!

Wow. I looked quickly at all the people who've already reviewed, and I'm not sure I'll have much to add to this..Guess that's what you get for not going on YWS for a few days XD
Anyhoo, on to reviewing!

All righty. I read all the other reviews, and damn! Azila did one hell of a review (seriously, leave us some work sometimes, girl ), and the others had some good points also. The main point for me being how we have no idea what the unicorn did to have the villagers want to kill it.

Having said that, I didn't expect this to be all too serious. No, not just because you mentioned it was a comedy-parody, but more because you've been in a Jot kind of humour lately It was a good half-a-story of entertainement, and I look forward to the second half
Aunt Spit

Stop writing such good pieces! There's me thinking I did a good job getting onto the featured works, only to find that your piece is above mine! It's just not on!