Stop The Scrolling Header | Enable the Scrolling Header

Firefox 3

News:  

NaNoWriMo

YWS Birthday Smash!
Username:    Password:      Log me on automatically each visit    
An allegory
An allegory

by sezPez in Other Fiction
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Fantasy Fiction

This thread was created on March 4, 2006
Post new topic   Reply to topic
Digg It Del.icio.us


Chains and Deals I

Topic ID: 7712
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
Sleeping Valor   View This User's Portfolio
^_^ Back for summer!
Speaker of the Forum

207
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 17
Joined: 12 Jan 2006
Posts: 940
Reviews: 207
Country: I'm on the other side of the reflection you see, living in a world of fantasy.
300 Points

PostPosted: Sun Mar 05, 2006 2:08 am    Post subject: Chains and Deals I Reply with quote

Kent stood stiffly on the stand, chained hands held in front of him as if he were praying. But Kent was far from asking God for help. Instead he was contemplating some last act before the judge had him carted off to prison, or worse, executed.

"All the evidence is against you Mister Kent," the judge announced, leaning forward from his elevated seat. Kent did not miss how the judge drew out the word Mister as if he hesitated to use it. Why not? Kent was no gentleman. "You are sentenced to life in Mildergren prison. Have you any last statements?"

Kent considered, his sky blue eyes roaming through the large courtroom. Mildergren Prison was an insult, Kent deserved better. Once again justice’s pride in their corrupt and faulty system was opening up a window of chance for him. Kent bowed in a mock example of humility.

"Besides the fact that I would like to congratulate your honour on graduating with honours from stupid school? None." Whispers ran through the courtroom. Had they not been such stiffs some might even have laughed. He looked up at judge, grinning to see the man was fuming. "Oh! And I forgot. Your wig looks like a dead rat." The judge’s face turned scarlet and Kent could imagine him with smoke coming out of his ears. He smiled and shrugged, he never had been very good at cooperating with the law.

"Take him away!" roared the judge. Guards instantly grabbed Kent, who did not struggle. As they began to drag him from the room an idea came to him. He grinned wickedly and looked back over his shoulder.

"So how old are you judge? Definitely over 75! Don't work yourself up too much. You might have a heart attack." Kent's last words were laced with a subtle yet powerful energy he had spent almost a year of his life learning to manipulate. The judge, who had indeed been working himself up, suddenly started gasping and clutching at his chest. Realising Kent was somehow responsible, one of the guards hit Kent over the head, knocking him unconscious. But not before Kent got in a laugh.

◄☼►

There is more of Chains and Deals already writen, but I wrote the whole thing for fun so I'd like to see how I can make it better and more interesting for other people before I consider putting forward anymore.

Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Yahoo Messenger
Phorcys   View This User's Portfolio
The Wannabe Actor
Master of the Forum

605
Gender: Gender:Male
Age: 17
Joined: 15 Feb 2006
Posts: 1463
Reviews: 605
Country: Blighty
300 Points

PostPosted: Sun Mar 05, 2006 12:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good, interesting and I want to find out more.

_________________
Witherwings Harry Potter RPG
Silver Ferride (Novel)
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website AIM Address Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger
ukgurl@hart   View This User's Portfolio
Novice

9

Age: 18
Joined: 05 Mar 2006
Posts: 13
Reviews: 9

300 Points

PostPosted: Sun Mar 05, 2006 9:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I am very intrigued. It appears this Kent fellow has some sort of power with words. Very interesting.

Some words of advice: be careful how you try to physically describe him. This is always tricky. All we know now is that his eyes are blue, and that didn't seem important.

The insults don't seem extraordinarily shocking. They sound rather childish. I would work on something a little more clever. Or maybe build up the stiff tension in the room so an insult is more shocking.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Sleeping Valor   View This User's Portfolio
^_^ Back for summer!
Speaker of the Forum

207
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 17
Joined: 12 Jan 2006
Posts: 940
Reviews: 207
Country: I'm on the other side of the reflection you see, living in a world of fantasy.
300 Points

PostPosted: Mon Mar 06, 2006 12:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

ukgurl@hart wrote:
Some words of advice: be careful how you try to physically describe him. This is always tricky. All we know now is that his eyes are blue, and that didn't seem important.

The insults don't seem extraordinarily shocking. They sound rather childish. I would work on something a little more clever. Or maybe build up the stiff tension in the room so an insult is more shocking.


You're right, his eye colour doesn't seem very significant. It just comes to me now that I have yet to even decide what Kent looks like. >.< Time to do that and get it in there.

Thanks for the advice. You're right, Kent's insults aren't very clever. But I think I may just change the reaction rather than the insults themselves. Kent is childish, so it would make sense that his insults reflect that. But you're right, some things need to be fixed. Thanks.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Yahoo Messenger
Display posts from previous:   
This thread was created on March 4, 2006
Post new topic   Reply to topic
   Young Writers Society Forum Index » Fantasy Fiction All times are GMT
Page 1 of 1

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
You can attach files in this forum
You can download files in this forum
This thread was created on March 4, 2006

Graphics By Bobo | YWS Sword & Shield Logo by Bobo
Bartemius says, Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines, Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. - Mark Twain
Contact | Memberlist | Copyright Policy | YWS Store | Site Map
Facebook |  Goodreads |  Live Journal |  MySpace |  Wikipedia

© 2004 - 2008 The Young Writers Society