Young Writers Society - Three Kilometers to Sanity (rated for themes n swearing)

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This thread was created on January 28, 2006

Three Kilometers to Sanity (rated for themes n swearing)

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Crayon
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Posted: Sat Jan 28, 2006 10:22 am Post subject: Three Kilometers to Sanity (rated for themes n swearing)

OK, so this is something I'm writing partly for my shrink and partly for myself, Its not finished yet and all names have been changed, just cause the shrink suggested it so i didn't get to personal. I don't think it helped much. Three Kilometers to Sanity The story of my life This seemed like a better idea when I was sitting in Tina’s office. It’s not like she was pressuring me into writing anything but she thinks it will be good for me, and maybe other people, you know who have been though the same sort of shit and aren’t dealing with it as well as I am. That’s probably near impossible, you’d have to be pretty messed up to do worse than me. Lets get one thing straight, I’m not looking for attention or sympathy and I’m not trying to guilt people who have done me wrong to make things right. If I wanted attention I would be painting myself purple and jumping off bridges for sport not pouring my heart out for all to read, it’s not the most daring thing one could do for attention now is it? Anyway I better stop beating around the bush or I’m going to lose everybody’s interest, that wouldn’t be such a bad thing really. No, I have to make an effort with this. Just because the rest of the world is shit doesn’t mean I have to put everybody I know to sleep. I’m not going to do a prissy little introduction, if you know who I am, you know who I am. If you don’t your one of the lucky ones. One thing I will say is I have been hit with some very hard emotions all at once, aimed at many different people and the stress of all this has driven me to depression and a pretty bad case of paranoia. Well that’s the conclusion I’ve reached. The first emotion would have to be love, it doesn’t matter how fucked up I’m feeling love is always there, never fading away which can be a royal pain in the ass if your trying to be pissed off but otherwise its pretty comforting, knowing you’re still capable of feeling compassion towards other humans. So like every other teenager I know my love life is pretty screwy, lets see. Anything involving love, or any emotions related to that revolves around five different guys. Which in itself is confusing, try adding a little sprinkling of teenage drama and hey presto you’ve got an extremely confused little miss on your hands. I’d rather not share too many details about the boys; really it tears me up too much thinking about them all. You see out of all those boys, each of which I love only one really loves me back and hey, that’s just as friends.
_________________ Trying to survive "sweet sixteen." --- <love> is sweet -suicide- and {[you]} are my LATEST a.t.t.e.m.p.t

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Posted: Sat Jan 28, 2006 5:22 pm Post subject:

Quote:

That’s probably near impossible, you’d have to be pretty messed up to do worse than me.

Better as: That's probably near impossible: you'd have to be pretty messed up to do worse than me.

Quote:

Lets get one thing straight, I’m not looking for attention or sympathy and I’m not trying to guilt people who have done me wrong to make things right

I'd change this into two sentences, or use a colon.

Quote:

Anyway I better stop beating around the bush

Comma after "Anyway".

Quote:

If you don’t your one of the lucky ones.

"Your" should be "you're".

Quote:

So like every other teenager I know my love life is pretty screwy, lets see. Anything involving love, or any emotions related to that revolves around five different guys. Which in itself is confusing, try adding a little sprinkling of teenage drama and hey presto you’ve got an extremely confused little miss on your hands.

Bit confused with the first sentence here, I think you should put a full stop after "screwy" and place "Let's see" (notice the apostrophe which is needed) on a seperate line. Also, "Which in itself is confusing" would work better by itself as a fragment sentence, and start a new sentence with "Try adding ...".

Quote:

I’d rather not share too many details about the boys; really it tears me up too much thinking about them all.

"really" isn't needed after the semi-colon there.

Anyway, moving away from editing and grammar issues, conceptually as a piece this is intriguing. I have an urge to ask you questions about your life: why do you think this is bad? What happened here? What happened then? Who's this boy? So I'm hoping you'll carry on. If your shrink thinks your writing will be therapeutical, they may be right. I think you should carry on, anyroad. One possible problem is that it's very vague. I know you probably don't feel comfortable going into details but at the moment it's a little empty. There's not enough concrete images to make it feel like a real story that I can empathise better with. Don't be afraid to be blunt, or write about things you think might shock people. After all, this is mostly for you and not for anyone else.

Otherwise, good writing.

_________________
and if you promise to stay conscious
i will try and do the same
yeah, we might die from medication
but we sure killed all the pain

Crayon
stuby, pink with a ripped slip. :)
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Posted: Sat Jan 28, 2006 9:19 pm Post subject:

Thanks Firestarter i do really need an outsiders opinion on this peice because its so personal. I'm trying to put a little more depth into everything and anwser those burning questions of yours but it is a little hard at times, bringing things up. help myself my arse Theres is definatly more to come, a lot more! this little bit is just scratching the surface, late night ramblings.
_________________ Trying to survive "sweet sixteen." --- <love> is sweet -suicide- and {[you]} are my LATEST a.t.t.e.m.p.t

Crayon
stuby, pink with a ripped slip. :)
Novelist

Gender:

Age: 18
Joined: 14 Oct 2005
Posts: 271
Reviews: 131
Country: the land of milk and honey
300 Points

Posted: Tue Jan 31, 2006 1:39 am Post subject:

Ok this is the first little bit edited and a little bit more i've just finished This seemed like a better idea when I was sitting in Tina’s office. It’s not like she was pressuring me into writing anything but she thinks it will be good for me, and maybe other people, you know who have been though the same sort of shit and aren’t dealing with it as well as I am. That’s probably near impossible: you’d have to be pretty messed up to do worse than me. Lets get one thing straight. I’m not looking for attention or sympathy and I’m not trying to guilt people who have done me wrong to make things right. If I wanted attention I would be painting myself purple and jumping off bridges for sport not pouring my heart out for all to read, it’s not the most daring thing one could do for attention now is it? Anyway, I better stop beating around the bush or I’m going to lose everybody’s interest, that wouldn’t be such a bad thing really. No, I have to make an effort with this. Just because the rest of the world is shit doesn’t mean I have to put everybody I know to sleep. I’m not going to do a prissy little introduction, if you know who I am, you know who I am. If you don’t you’re one of the lucky ones. One thing I will say is I have been hit with some very hard emotions all at once, aimed at many different people and the stress of all this has driven me to depression and a pretty bad case of paranoia. Well that’s the conclusion I’ve reached. The first emotion would have to be love, it doesn’t matter how fucked up I’m feeling love is always there, never fading away which can be a royal pain in the ass if your trying to be pissed off but otherwise its pretty comforting, knowing you’re still capable of feeling compassion towards other humans. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ No, I take all that back. Right now I’m feeling so much hate running though my veins that I think I’m going to turn into a black hole. Why do people have to fuck everything up? Right when I finally think. Hey, this is good, I’m getting over this stuff, I’m going to be ok. Why do they have to go and spoil everything for me? Ok, so there I go. Blaming the rest of the world for my fuck ups, I think it’s genetic. Mum does it a hell of a lot too, blames us kids for her freak outs, blames my step dad for everything else that goes wrong its like for fucks sakes woman take some responsibility for your actions! You probably think I’m a drama queen, a self-sentered little brat that hogs the limelight. Well fuck you too! I’d love to see how well you’d cope in my world, how long you’d last cause god knows I’m still here for some fucked up reasons. Why am I still here? Its not like anybody cares, yeah I have friends. I’m not some sort of loner that hates a world she knows nothing about but all my friends are strong, the can deal with some pretty rough shit so I know they’d all get over it if I just disappeared. Maybe if I had weak friends, like Hailey, the chick I thought was going to be my best friend for life. IF we were still friends I couldn’t kill myself, she wouldn’t be able to handle it.
_________________ Trying to survive "sweet sixteen." --- <love> is sweet -suicide- and {[you]} are my LATEST a.t.t.e.m.p.t

This thread was created on January 28, 2006	Young Writers Society Forum Index » Non-Fiction	All times are GMT
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This thread was created on January 28, 2006

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