Young Writers Society

The Perfect Man Myth or We don't know what we want

I have the stangest feeling that we often don't know what we really want. Actually, I have develped a theory. In fact, we NEVER know what we want. We just think we know what we want and when we get it, we're no longer satisfied.

This theory came around when I thought that I had met the 'perfect'guy. He was sweet, always ready to give me the world, romantic and too annoying for words. He would never stop agreeing to everything that I said. This guy had no opinion of his own. Unfortunately, I can't help but pity him. He's just so nice to me. He's a nice person. With the personality of a puppy. I don't want a puppy...well I do. But I want a puppy for a different reason. I wand the guy I'm involved with to actually have character, you know? Like, I don't want him to agree with everything that I ever say.

So, how do I tell him it's over? Learn from my mistakes girls, don't let it go on for too long. I am such a coward, I can't put an end to it myself so I'm waiting for the guy to do it. And he's absolutely convinced that he's obsessed with me.

I don't believe it, though. He doesn't get me. He just tries too, to make me happy. Unfortunately he's failing- miserably. He has himself convinced that he's in love with me, because he thinks that's the way it should be. But, come on, I'm not saying that I'm this huge expert on relationships, but he was madly in love with me like a week after we started dating.

Take this from me too, NEVER date younger guys in your adolescence. They're much too immature.

So now, all I have left is to sit back and think ''What the hell did I do? And what the hell am I going to do?''

I know that the right thing to do is to break it off. Another piece of advise, do NOT introduce your new boy friend to your parents until you've been dating for at least a while. Now they love him. More than me in fact. They met his parents. I met his parents. I'm in so deep in my own crap and now I have to get out of all of this myself. How? I don't know. But I have learned one thing:

The perfect man is a myth instilled in us by romantic comedies. Some guys strive to be this perfect man, but instead of suceeding, they end up looking like idiots and fakers. Then most girls end up despicing them.

Very mean, right? I mean, they try. They should be given some credit. Wrong. Be yourslef man. What the hell is wrong with you? Why do you want to be someone that you're so obviously not. A cliche. A sickening fake cliche. Is that what you want to be? No. I don't think so.

I am convinced that somewhere out there a guy is waiting for me. He may not be fairy tale perfect, he may not be romantic comedy perfect, but I do know he'll be perfect for me. I know that he won't have to pretend to be perfect, because he will be confident enough to be who he is.
I know, that somewhere out there, our perfect match is waiting. He may not always agree with everything that we say, he may sometimes anger us, but we will always, always admire this one guy. We will always know that he's right for us.

Hello stelagineva! It's SporkPunk, here to review as requested.

Grammar:
Overall, the grammar errors weren't frightfully abundant. But there were some. Here are a few examples:

Actually, I have develped a theory.

"Developed." Just a typo. You have others in this work, but a bit of proofreading can take care of them.

This theory came around when I thought that I had met the 'perfect' guy.

In this instance, you'll want to use double quotations. Single quotations are used only when the double quotations are already in use, for example: "Yesterday, Hannah said, 'I like tacos,'" Jenna recalled.

Also, I could be off-base, but reading this piece, the change in tenses weren't very smooth. It kind of jumped around.

He was sweet, always ready to give me the world, romantic and too annoying for words

Here, instead of and, I think you want to use "but" because you listed his positive qualities, then added a negative one. "And" connotes a sense of likeness, so the piece reads as if the first two are also negative. If that's what you were going for, disregard my suggestion. But if not, you should probably change it.

Why do you want to be someone that you're so obviously not.

Question mark is what you want here rather than a period.

Okay, so there are a couple other things I saw, but like I said, they can be taken care of with some careful proofreading.

Overall:
I liked the subject matter of this piece.
I had the something like this happen to me once...except the guy I was dating expected me to follow him around like a puppy, and when I tried to exert independence, he always used to guilt me, making me think I didn't care about him. It was awful.
I think the tone is fitting but I have teeny nitpick. For instance, I saw you use "like" in a manner people would if they were speaking. I understand the piece itself is informal, but this is a bit too informal, if you know what I mean.
Other than that, this piece is good, and has potential to become brilliant. Good job!

PM me if you have any questions, or would like an elaboration on any of these points.
Keep Writing!
~Sporks

Hiya! Dreamy here, as requested.

So, I thought that your overall grammar and spelling is okay. Just fix the mistakes Spork pointed out, and please don't use caps lock. Italics work just as nicely.

Overall, I'm not really going to nitpicky-in depth review this- as it's, well, non fiction about your life. I can't tell you to fix the plot of your life or that your characters are boring. XD

You style of writing is very real. It sounds like it's being told by- well, a 16 year old girl. Good job.

When you are telling a non-fiction piece, you want to interest the leader. I thought you did a fairly good job with this. You had a grabbing start, and you kept the energy consistent throughout the story.

Overall, this was an enjoyable read. I hope that, if this is true, you work things out. As embarrassing as it might feel, talking to your mum might help. If you can get your parents to support your point of view, you won't feel all alone when you eventually break up with him. Good luck!

-Dreamy.

Hello.

The first thing I would suggest to do is decide if this is a blog, case-study, or theory paper (ie, an essay). Each format has a very specific style to it, and will make for a much different read. Right now, you have a blog. While this is good to just get thoughts out, it's not exactly the most credible form of giving advice (if you notice, most bloggers that are considered credible write things that are closer to articles or essays instead of jumping from one idea to the next). If you are actually trying to get people to listen to these points, it would be much better to do a case-study or essay.

A case study is when you give the full history of the event, with exact details and results. Opinions can come at the end of each event, but usually the actual events themselves are described as objectively as possible. Often, the results of event are given in an objective light as well, but they can be subjective opinions on the event. Essays are when you start off with a thesis (your opinion) and spend the rest of the paper backing up your opinion with very specific facts, quotes/examples from outside sources, or events (that you experienced or you have heard about). If the essay holds any outside evidence, then said evidence must be cited in one way or another. This article goes into more detail about essay structure. It should also be noted essays are for one topic, while you have several here. If you choose to turn this into an essay, figure out how to combine this all into one general thesis.

You also have a ton of different topics in here. I count three pieces of advice and your original theory. Your original theory is never expanded upon past saying that is your theory, and each piece of advice you give is totally self contained. There is no connection between the paragraphs, ideas, advice, or anything else in this paper. A nonfiction paper, be it case study or essay, needs to have an overall theme and reason behind its existence. It should be written to prove one specific point, and everything within the paper should tie back into that point. As mentioned, you don't have that cohesiveness. Spend time figuring out what point you want to make with this, I assume it's proving your original theory, and work on having everything in the paper supporting that theory/point.

This brings me to your actual content. Right now, I'm reading and wondering what makes you the authority on all these tips you're giving. Sure, it happened to you, but have you read any other opinions on dating and relationships to have a full base on your thoughts and theories? And as for what you say happened, the description of it is too thin for me to think your experience is enough to validate your opinion. And some of your opinions, such as not introducing your boyfriend to your parents, I flat-out disagree with (parents are some of the best early-warning devices out there).

The reason I mention disagreeing with you is you have not taken into account what other people might think of what you're saying. As in, you have taken no steps to properly persuade us to your point of view. Persuasion requires giving the problem, your solution, why that solution would work (or why the solution should be implemented) and countering any arguments against your problem and/or solution that might arise. You do not have to counter these directly, but at least think about what other people might say to disagree with you and address their concerns before they arise in your "why the solution would work" segment. That will make your paper and theories much stronger.

In short: give this a more credible format and give us reason to believe you. As Dreamy said, this sounds like a 16 year old girl. If you want people who are more experienced to believe you, then you've got to add in a lot more explanation and examples. Not just what you think, but what other people think and what other people have gone through. And in that research, you might find a way to get out of your situation. Credible sources are usually ones who have gone past an event and risen above it. This is important to look for in a credible source because advice changes as you work your way out of a mess. Usually the only time you can actually see your mistakes (and good moves) is after you've gotten out of the situation. Because you say that you are not past this event yet, I'm wondering why I should listen to somebody who is still in the problem I might be in. Somebody who has gone past the situation would know how to get untangled from the final steps.

Hope this helps.

~Rosey

Okay, wow. I agree with this so much it's ridiculous. Especially the parts about not dating guys younger than you when you're younger and the puppy thing. It's just such a turn off!

That said, my favorite part of this was obviously the honesty. It was like slam poetry. I kept wanting to hoot and yell, "Speak!" The pieces of creative nonfiction that drum up my enthusiam like that definitely make up most of my favorites in the genre. The only part that deviated for me was the very end (I'm not sure I have that hope anymore ) but it didn't affect my enjoyment of the piece.

So, all in all, the whole thing went over awesomely content-wise.

When you're revising, I think you're going to want to be focusing on developing this voice so that it's clear that the content is coming from a distinct source. I love blogs and creative non pieces like this one specifically because they showcase little slices of their writers, and this piece is no different. When you start talking about the guy you're involved with, I wanted to know more about him. I wanted to hear some anecdotes about his clingy annoyingness. To be entertained, for one thing, but also so that I could visualize him. In this respect, creative non is no different from fiction. And at lines like-- "he was sweet, always ready to give me the world, romantic and too annoying for words" feel free to vary the description, personalize it. Rather than "the world", he could be always ready to give you something that you personally want. That way, you get to avoid a cliche and instill some personality to the piece.

I agree with the reviewer who said it would be a good idea to pick a genre within the realm of nonfiction in order to streamline the piece, though I don't think this is necessarily a blog post. For me it works just as well as a personal essay, so long as you add some personal anecdotes to work as authority on the subject.

And on the subject of sounding like a 16 year old girl...that endeared me to this piece. After all, I was a 16 year old girl and I think one could be just as credible of a source for this kind of essay as an older individual. For me, the issue is having a strong voice rather than choosing what that voice is.

But that's just an opinion I threw in.

I really enjoyed this piece! Even if it did force me to remember some of my least favorite guys...

Thanks guys! This was meant to be a blog post, but after all your reviews you've inspired me! I'm going to work on this and make it an actual article