Topic ID: 6758
|
View previous topic :: View next topic |
| Author |
Message |
zelithon
Official Bestest Like my avatar? me too Master of the Forum

 Gender:  Age: 16 Joined: 08 Oct 2005 Posts: 1004 Reviews: 241 Country: the land of fruits and nuts AKA California 300 Points
|
Posted: Tue Jan 31, 2006 6:13 am Post subject: |
|
|
| "nothing much" i responded to croak as i pushed my hair out of my face where it had gooten during the comotion, "i will probibly stay with this gruop until it breaks up, or i die, i have no intention of dieing though. What about you?" |
_________________ Adults are just obsolete children, and to hell with them!
-Dr.Suess
Deadpanners are backtalkers!
badonkadonk
Atheism is a non phophet organisation |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
Elder Bobo
Epic Novelist

 Gender:  Age: 21 Joined: 29 Dec 2004 Posts: 2939 Reviews: 479 Country: USA 300 Points
|
Posted: Tue Jan 31, 2006 6:36 am Post subject: |
|
|
| Croak wondered whether he should tell her about the note. "Oh, it's pretty much the same with me, too," he simply said, deciding not to talk about it, "I've been wanting to get out of that old town forever." It was true; Croak was getting pretty darn tired of that old town, and he could have left on his own, but there was only so far he could go before he would be sure to get lost, or ambushed or something. This way, he was able to get out with a good reason as well as with protection. He supposed that he would have been able to get the theives' guild to help him either way, but that help would only last so long. |
_________________ My Cartoon! |
|
| Back to top |
|
Dargquon Ql'deleodna
lvl20 Necromancer/lvl15 Fighter Master of the Forum

 Gender:  Age: 17 Joined: 21 Apr 2005 Posts: 1270 Reviews: 375 Country: The real world 300 Points
|
Posted: Tue Jan 31, 2006 6:41 am Post subject: |
|
|
| after getting dressed i walked down the stairs and outside just to wander, and look to replace my lost halbred; as i walked i passed by croak and lireal talking. |
_________________ Life's a B*tch, slap it upside the head.
Dargquon Ql'deleodna: (n) "Dar-qu-on Kel-del-ode-na" something i made up that sounded cool, partially based off of the Drow Drizzt Do'Urden's name style |
|
| Back to top |
|
Vernon
Always shall Love Elizabeth his Beautiful Goddess Epic Novelist

 Gender:  Age: 18 Joined: 09 May 2005 Posts: 3825 Reviews: 647 Country: Building a bridge to Elizabeth's heart and guiding her to mines. 300 Points
|
Posted: Tue Jan 31, 2006 7:31 am Post subject: |
|
|
| Alex woke up bleary eyed trying to remember what he had done. He knew one thing Lathander would never protect him again, he had become evil for a brief time, but that was enough for Lathander to withdraw their blessing from him. He looked around and saw his armour well what was left of it now it was scrap metal he sighed and started to get ready. |
_________________ We get off to the rhythm of the trigger and destruction. Fallujah to New Orleans with impunity to kill. We are the hidden fist of the free market.
We are the ink, we are the quill.
[The Ink And The Quill (Be Afraid) - Anti-Flag] |
|
| Back to top |
|
zelithon
Official Bestest Like my avatar? me too Master of the Forum

 Gender:  Age: 16 Joined: 08 Oct 2005 Posts: 1004 Reviews: 241 Country: the land of fruits and nuts AKA California 300 Points
|
Posted: Tue Jan 31, 2006 11:16 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| "Whatt did you do before this?" i asked genuinly interested. |
_________________ Adults are just obsolete children, and to hell with them!
-Dr.Suess
Deadpanners are backtalkers!
badonkadonk
Atheism is a non phophet organisation |
|
| Back to top |
|
Griffinkeeper
Storybook Godfather Epic Novelist

 Gender:  Age: 20 Joined: 02 Apr 2005 Posts: 3810 Reviews: 665 Country: USA 300 Points
|
Posted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 3:25 am Post subject: |
|
|
Guys we need to talk.
First and foremost, the story is starting to really stretch big time. The core group: Seraph, Valin, and Alex are along for revenge, Thaden is along because he said he'd come. Sira is there because Thaden is there. On the other hand, Lireal, Driz, and Croak are along for the ride. The problem is this: Croak really has no reason to be there, now that his fellow thieves are all taken care of, he can be on his merry way back to them. Lireal and Driz both were looking for each other, and they've done that. So, there is no reason for them to stay with the quest.
This isn't to say that Croak, Driz, and Lireal are useless and shouldn't be written for, it means we need to tie them in more with the story. Something needs to happen that compells them to stay with them. So far, everything has been fortunate. Now, it is time for something unfortunate that forces all of them to keep going until the enemy is dead.
The old "I'll just tag along and see what happens..." excuse isn't going to cut it anymore for these guys.
Something to think about. |
_________________ I retired from Big Brother on November 11th.
On November 12th, I started showing up and having good ideas again.
What is wrong with me? |
|
| Back to top |
|
Dargquon Ql'deleodna
lvl20 Necromancer/lvl15 Fighter Master of the Forum

 Gender:  Age: 17 Joined: 21 Apr 2005 Posts: 1270 Reviews: 375 Country: The real world 300 Points
|
Posted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 3:39 am Post subject: |
|
|
| Griffin wasn't Thaden revenge for the fact they took Sira, and you found her, so don't you technically not have a reason to go after them? or was the feather not Sira's and and i completely on the wrong course. |
_________________ Life's a B*tch, slap it upside the head.
Dargquon Ql'deleodna: (n) "Dar-qu-on Kel-del-ode-na" something i made up that sounded cool, partially based off of the Drow Drizzt Do'Urden's name style |
|
| Back to top |
|
Griffinkeeper
Storybook Godfather Epic Novelist

 Gender:  Age: 20 Joined: 02 Apr 2005 Posts: 3810 Reviews: 665 Country: USA 300 Points
|
Posted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 3:42 am Post subject: |
|
|
| Actually, he does have a good reason. He wants to find out how the enemy got the feather. His name was on the package, so it still concerns him. He needs to make sure that he, Sira, and the gryphons in general are safe. If this isn't enough, he made an oath to hunt down the enemy and punish him. Oaths like those aren't lightly taken and he was deadly serious. Above all things, gryphons are of their word. |
_________________ I retired from Big Brother on November 11th.
On November 12th, I started showing up and having good ideas again.
What is wrong with me? |
|
| Back to top |
|
Dargquon Ql'deleodna
lvl20 Necromancer/lvl15 Fighter Master of the Forum

 Gender:  Age: 17 Joined: 21 Apr 2005 Posts: 1270 Reviews: 375 Country: The real world 300 Points
|
Posted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 3:48 am Post subject: |
|
|
| ah, i see, and now that sira is away, there is again the possibility of her being captured, that could make you even more angry, should i pm you my thoughts on what i think could bring me further into this story |
_________________ Life's a B*tch, slap it upside the head.
Dargquon Ql'deleodna: (n) "Dar-qu-on Kel-del-ode-na" something i made up that sounded cool, partially based off of the Drow Drizzt Do'Urden's name style |
|
| Back to top |
|
Griffinkeeper
Storybook Godfather Epic Novelist

 Gender:  Age: 20 Joined: 02 Apr 2005 Posts: 3810 Reviews: 665 Country: USA 300 Points
|
Posted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 4:05 am Post subject: |
|
|
| Go ahead and send me a PM. |
_________________ I retired from Big Brother on November 11th.
On November 12th, I started showing up and having good ideas again.
What is wrong with me? |
|
| Back to top |
|
Griffinkeeper
Storybook Godfather Epic Novelist

 Gender:  Age: 20 Joined: 02 Apr 2005 Posts: 3810 Reviews: 665 Country: USA 300 Points
|
Posted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 6:39 am Post subject: |
|
|
~Thaden Ma'lar~
I woke up in the inn. My recollections as to what had happened last night were rather blurred. I thought for a moment that I got into a bar fight, but I disregarded this. I felt way too bad to attribute it to a barfight. Slowly, the memories came back. The Aviator Hangover. Seraph. Getting drunk. Barfing in the gutter. Collapsing in the inn. I got up, they had just barely gotten me up the stairs into my room, before I collapsed.
A knock at the door came. It was bright and cheery.
"Thaden! Wake up!" Lireal said.
"What's going on?" I groaned.
"You promised me you'd take me flying."
"No I didn't."
"Yes you did," her voice went deep. "Sure... I'll take you flying if you get rid of the-"
"Now I remember. It's not going to happen." I cut her off before she could finish the sentence.
"Please!"
"No." I opened the door and brushed past her as I went down the stairs. |
_________________ I retired from Big Brother on November 11th.
On November 12th, I started showing up and having good ideas again.
What is wrong with me? |
|
| Back to top |
|
Elder Bobo
Epic Novelist

 Gender:  Age: 21 Joined: 29 Dec 2004 Posts: 2939 Reviews: 479 Country: USA 300 Points
|
Posted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 7:03 am Post subject: |
|
|
OOC: Hey, haven't you been paying attention? Croak's trying to find a way to become human, and he got a note from (supposedly) the same guy that sent your feather saying that he could do it. Croak definitely has a reason to stay along. Also, you just godmoded Lireal into a completely different place (and time?), which is really confusing. Anywhoo...
"Well," Croak responded, "I pretty much jus' did whatever I needed to to survive, y'know?" He sighed. His life wasn't exactly ideal, or even that great. He had been reduced to little more than a thief just because no one would take him in or give him an honest job. Hopefully, he would be able to find the man that had sent him his note so that he would be able to live a normal life. On top of that, the note hinted that he would be able to discover his parentage, as well, a question he had always thought about on those cold, lonely nights when he was nearly starving, begging for food or digging through garbage to find something to eat. Indeed, life had been no friend to Croak so far. |
_________________ My Cartoon! |
|
| Back to top |
|
zelithon
Official Bestest Like my avatar? me too Master of the Forum

 Gender:  Age: 16 Joined: 08 Oct 2005 Posts: 1004 Reviews: 241 Country: the land of fruits and nuts AKA California 300 Points
|
Posted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 7:24 am Post subject: |
|
|
(Bobo Grif had my permission, i was the one who asked to go flying and griffdecided to go along with it)
"I know what you mean" i responded darkly to croak. then i said "There is the inn goodnight." i ended up staying up much later being happily facinated by a drunk griffin, Thaden.
I woke up the next morning extreemly refreshed. I had had nothing very achoholic to drink the night before. As soon as i was properly awake I remembered thaden's drunken promice to me the night before. He was to take me flying. I ran to his room.
When he kept refuseing me and went downstairs i followed. "You promiced! I thought you were a griffin of honor." I knew i was being unfair and unreasonable but did not care. "Please! I want to see what it is like. You get alot of pleasure from it and i wuold to. Or wuold you deprive me of something so lovely? I have wanted to try flying all my life. Oh i get it. Your not strong enuoph. Its ok i understand you too weak." i think that was enuoph to preswade him. |
_________________ Adults are just obsolete children, and to hell with them!
-Dr.Suess
Deadpanners are backtalkers!
badonkadonk
Atheism is a non phophet organisation |
|
| Back to top |
|
Griffinkeeper
Storybook Godfather Epic Novelist

 Gender:  Age: 20 Joined: 02 Apr 2005 Posts: 3810 Reviews: 665 Country: USA 300 Points
|
Posted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 7:30 am Post subject: |
|
|
~Thaden Ma'lar~
Her arguments were beginning to make sense.
"No. I'm going to go get the horses," I said hoping this would deter her. Unfortunately, it didn't. She pestered me all the way to the shopkeepers and then all the way back to the inn. Driz was up by now.
"The provisions and the horses are ready whenever you guys are ready to mount up." |
_________________ I retired from Big Brother on November 11th.
On November 12th, I started showing up and having good ideas again.
What is wrong with me? |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
Elder Bobo
Epic Novelist

 Gender:  Age: 21 Joined: 29 Dec 2004 Posts: 2939 Reviews: 479 Country: USA 300 Points
|
Posted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 7:34 am Post subject: |
|
|
Croak continued to reflect on his past life as he went back up to his bedroom, took another warm bath, and went to bed. He fell asleep wondering who his parents could be.
When he woke up the next morning, he decided to stay in bed until his comrades were ready to leave. |
_________________ My Cartoon! |
|
| Back to top |
|
|