Topic ID: 6579
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Torpid
The Rocker from Rohan
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 Posted: Fri Dec 30, 2005 2:36 am Post subject: The Leadslinger...part 2 |
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Removed.
I thank those who critique it. |
Last edited by Torpid on Thu Nov 09, 2006 12:10 am; edited 3 times in total |
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Emma
the wee dafty
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| Posted: Fri Dec 30, 2005 10:51 pm Post subject: |
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It is as good as the last one, though I feel the sentances drag on a little in this. Like I said before, I think you should break it up a bit to make it easier for us to read. Plus, it makes it look nicer. Honestly, try it. Another pointer;
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| A tall, slim, bearded robbed man sat alone at a corner table, deep in the back. |
...Deep in the back? What? |
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Jiggity
The Sinister Jigster
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| Posted: Tue Jan 03, 2006 1:43 am Post subject: |
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Quote:
A tall, slim, bearded robbed man sat alone at a corner table, deep in the back.
Its robed, not robbed my silly little friend.
Keep writing, you definetly have talent. |
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Torpid
The Rocker from Rohan
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| Posted: Tue Jan 03, 2006 9:47 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks, the next is coming soon. I guess i'll have to start writing this more since Atlantean isnt getting any replies. blast...
~Torpid |
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Dargquon Ql'deleodna
lvl20 Necromancer/lvl15 Fighter
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| Posted: Fri Jan 13, 2006 7:32 pm Post subject: |
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| wow, this section was great, that guy reminds me a whole lot like van helsing; have you seen the movie, it's awsome. were di you get this idea, because it rocks. it is stilll very well paced, and very well written, great job. i am eagerly awating Part 3!!! |
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Torpid
The Rocker from Rohan
Novelist
Gender:
Age: 18
Joined: 28 Dec 2005
Posts: 374
Reviews: 139
Country: U.S.
300 Points
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| Posted: Fri Jan 13, 2006 9:13 pm Post subject: |
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| yes, i kinda picture Ricirik as having a van helsing type look and between that and the Leadslinger concept if this book ever got published a lot of people would think it was a rip off. Leadlsingers is a lot like gunslingers from stephen kings books, Ricirik is like Ridik (or however u spell it) and the main guy is like van helsing. And the Whole thing is kinda like the story of the jedi, least it could go that way. The unbelievable thing is though, i didnt mean to rip so much stuff off. honestly. woops. |
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Dargquon Ql'deleodna
lvl20 Necromancer/lvl15 Fighter
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| Posted: Sat Jan 14, 2006 4:51 am Post subject: |
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| even if you do take all of that stuff from different stories/books, and eventually it wont seem like any of those, itle just be one entirely new situation. |
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