Young Writers Society

Elemental Cycle: Volume 1- Fireborn

See below for chapters 1-6. I will continue to post the novel in it's entirety on this thread.

Hiya Sylver, you asked for help and here I am! This little piece caught my eye and I thought I'd take a look and try to help you out.

Kei'ra Ceylinth, Crown Prince of Firan, reined his horse in at the hill top.

This didn't intice me into the story at all. The awkward, difficult to pronounce name made me have to read several times before I thought I'd got it right. Writing a hook is very difficult, but I think you should try to give it a go. They say you have three paragraphs to draw whoever is reading your book into the narrative and to want to read on. For further reading, try this little site I found. It's very helpful :

http://www.ehow.com/how_4556500_write-hook-fiction.html

Look at point five there. I'm afraid you've done just what the point tells you not to do. Don't bury the reader in information. Ease them into the story, they will learn these things as they go along.

To the southeast Kei could make out the ruins of the Old Palace spread

Should be 'spreading.' Helps the sentence to flow more nicely.

Crane tossed his head and pranced impatiently, the pinto gelding echoing his rider's restlessness. The horse wasn't much in the looks department, but he could run like the wind

I had no idea who Crane was. I had to read the sentence several times to understand Crane was the horse. You should put, 'Kei's steed Crane...' Yadda yadda. I have to say, I loved the description of the horse though, well done

Kei glanced back to the scene in front of him the forests around the city were just beginning to change color.

Read this sentence over a few times; you'll see it makes little sense. To correct it I would put a full stop after 'him' and continue with 'The forests' as a new sentence. Job done.

As he scanned the groups, guessing who was who by the flag colors he noticed Seorla's colors was missing.

Same mistake. Should be a new sentence beginning with, 'He noticed...'

"Strange."

A comma instead of a period here.

Kei murmured, his brow furrowed in confusion. Centera was famed as the best trading center on the continent. The city was built at the crossroads between the four great countries, there was always at least one or two caravans or boats from all the countries.

You're info dumping. Unless this has any significance in the story, don't put it in here. It is slowing down your pace and my attention was beginning to dwindle by the time I reached this part. It's a hard habit to get out of, I do it too.

The guards wore the familiar black and red uniforms of the royal guard

,

You use the word 'guard' twice and quite close together. Try to replace one of them with another word, or say 'He wore the familiar...'

"My prince would perhaps wish to change into something more suitable before going into the city?" Marys suggest diffidently.

'Suggested' should be here. A typo I think And also, you say that Marys is diffident, but you also say he nags the other characters quite alot. I wouldn't say he is restrained or shy by nature if he nattered towards the other characters; instead he'd be loud, stubborn, maybe even sarcastic. Just a point.

Kei glared at the older man, his bright, blue-green eyes seeming to spit fire.

Very nice.

I spent the last five years coming to the Academy dressed exactly like this and someone has yet to complain."

You've missed speech marks before the 'I'. Just a minor blip.

Kei nudged his horse and the group set out at a trot. Following the road down from the mountains towards the city.

The last sentence doesn't make sense. It seems to trail off before you finish it This would look better:

Kei nudged his horse and the group set out at a trot, following the road down from the mountains and towards the city.

~~

Initial Thoughts

This piece attracted me because I love your writing style. I've seen it in storybooks mostly, and any posts I've read of yours are always written wonderfully. However, there are some points to pick up on:

I spent a large majority of this piece wondering why you were describing the area around Kei but not telling me more about him and his mission. In the first chapter, you have to tell the reader who the characters are, where they are at that moment in time, and what the conflict in the story will be. Otherwise they'll lose interest.

You're telling the reader things they don't need to know yet. I was getting mixed up with all the names (I assume they were provinces of Firan.) Ease the reader in. Think of it as a 'Need to Know' basis; if the reader doesn't need to know something just yet, then don't tell them. It only confused me. x3

You've got lovely descriptions and interesting narrative, but you need to direct it in the right place. We know very little about our hero Kei, so rather than telling us just what he sees, tell us more about him as well. Easier to capture the scene in one's mind eye that way. Remember to use the five senses in your writing: Taste, Touch, Sight, Smell, Hearing. It gives the story life and colour, and combined with your lovely writing style it would really make this story pop.

~~

Overall Impression

An interesting beginning. The title is really pulling me in to wanting to read on. Let me know when you get more chapters up! The spelling and grammar was fine, I didn't see any errors and some of the things I picked up on were just typos.

Okay, I tried to give you as much detail as possible. If you have any questions PM me. Let me know if I helped!

-Moo

I haven't read it, because it's not there, but good luck! Hope they like it!

It's taking me awhile to show my work to publishers. Honestly, I have no Idea what I'm doing. But in the meantime I am going to start posting Fireborn once again. Although it will only be in this thread. Over the course of the next few weeks I will be reposting chapter one and also posting chapters 2-6.

Feel free to read them and give me your opinions 'cause I need all the help I can get.

I know this is a very long post but please bear with me and read it. I guarantee you'll enjoy it. For those who read the first draft of chapter 1 I have tweaked things and changed a few. This chapter was originally posted in three parts but I decided to just put it all together this time. For those who want to read chapter 2 PM and it should be up on this thread next week.

Elemental Cycle:
Fireborn- Book I the Flames of War:

Chapter 1- Nightmare

September, 1587 E.L. - Era of Loss

They were late. Scowling Kei’ra reined his horse in from a canter as he crested the hill top. Below him the city of Centera spread out in the shadow of the rich, fertile foothills of the Ci'zenth mountain range, the city was cut down the middle by the Rhidal River. Its walls shone a pale grey in the light of the setting sun.

To the southeast Kei could make out the ruins of the Old Palace spread out across the hill tops, shining like white gold in the sunlight. A shout made him twist around to see his guards and the rest of the party, still only halfway up the hill.

He shifted in the saddle as the horse tossed his head and pranced impatiently, the pinto gelding echoing his rider's restlessness. Crane wasn't much in the looks department, but he could run like the wind.

Kei glanced back to the scene in front of him, the forests around the city were just beginning to change color. Faints hints of orange, yellow, and red dotted the green sea. The fields to the west were golden with the harvest. Smiling wistfully, Kei dismounted and looped Crane's reins on a nearby post.

His first sight of Centera, as summer was fading to autumn, was always breathtaking, and this time especially Kei wanted to savor it. This was his last year at the Academy, and when summer came around again, he would be returning to Phyria to take his place at court. Who knew, he might never get the chance to see it again.

Below he could see various noble parties entering the city gates. They were other students returning to school, no doubt. His mouth twisted slightly as he saw the green and white banner flying ahead of one over large group. It seemed Adri was making a show of his return to school, as usual.

As he scanned the groups, guessing who was who by the flag colors, he noticed Seryn's colors were missing. There were no Solasian ships in the harbor near the river either. "Strange." Kei murmured his brow furrowed in confusion. Just then the rustle of baggage and tack broke through his brooding and Kei turned to see that his own escort had caught up with him.

The soldiers wore the familiar black and red uniforms of the royal guard; the flag flying from the pole was the crimson phoenix of Firan's royal house. Someone cleared his throat, and Kei glanced at Marys. The man couldn't have looked more out of place in their group; he was small and slight compared to the much larger guards. His dark brown hair was worn loose, his upturned nose and thin angular face briefly reminding Kei of a rat. Marys wore fancy silk and velvet, perfect for court but completely unsuited for travel.

"What is it now, Marys?" Kei asked, sighing inwardly. The man was the reason it had taken so long to reach Centera. In fact they should have been there two days ago. But the man had insisted they stop at an inn or village every night rather than sleep outside, and complained from sun up to sun down. By now the whole group was sick of his nattering.

"My prince would perhaps wish to change into something more suitable before going into the city?" Marys suggest pompously.

Kei glanced down at his dusty, travel stained clothes. Unlike Marys' useless frippery they were sturdy cloth and leather, though of the finest quality. His shirt was white, his breeches, and riding boots black leather. His hair was raven black, with that blue-black sheen that often tinged the feathers of those cunning birds; save for a single snow white lock at his temple. The only indications of wealth were the gemstone earrings he wore in his left ear. A trio of diamonds, two white and one black, near the earlobe, and a ruby piercing on the top.

Scowling, Kei glared at the older man, his slanted, blue-green eyes seeming to spit fire. "Is there something wrong with these clothes Marys?"

The man gulped at the prince's ire, but held his ground. "It would not be proper for the Crown Prince of Firan to arrive at such a prestigious place as Centera's Academia, looking like little more than a farmer's son." The king had sent Marys with the young prince to help with his schooling, but in reality he was there to give the young man a more sophisticated polish, and attempt to ride herd on his behavior. Since the staff at the Academy had clearly been less then successful. "Now I know." He thought wryly. "Why King Dyr'al said 'attempt'.” Marys got a sick feeling in his stomach as the prince gave a lopsided smirk.

"If that is your only complaint then you have nothing to worry about Marys." Kei told him as he gathered up Crane's reins and mounted. "I spent the last five years coming to the Academy dressed exactly like this and someone has yet to complain." He glanced back at the rest of the group and flashed him a mischievous grin, "Besides, since we already stopped to let you change, if we don't hurry it'll be dark by the time we reach the city and the gates will be closed." Kei nudged his horse and the group set out at a trot, following the road down from the mountains and towards the city.

As they road towards the city Kei looked around, familiarizing himself with the scenery once again. The city lit up in the deepening dusk, just as the stars began to appear overhead, faint tendrils of fog hovered over the river. The road wound past the forest, following the river to the city gates, where it forked, one path leading further into the city, the other to the private grounds of the academy.

Twilight in Centera had always struck Kei as ethereal, as if the world were not quite real. There were all sorts of legends surrounding the place from the Era of Magic. They rode up the path to the school courtyard. Past the immaculate gardens that surrounded the school. Even at this late hour the courtyard outside the dormitories was a mess, as all the students hurried to get their luggage in before midnight. Torches lit the yard, flames flickering in the late summer wind.

Kei stifled a snort when he saw that one new student from Durad had brought two whole wagons full of baggage. The young noble was in for a rude awakening when the teachers had him get rid of most of it. Kei slid down from Crane's back and stretched stiff muscles as a groom came to take the horse away. He smiled wistfully as he headed towards the dorms, back for his last year at the academy.

***

Groaning, Kei tossed his packs and saddlebags in the corner of the room, and collapsed face down on the bed, not even bothering to take his boots off. He turned his face to the window and looked out at the city. It was blanketed in scattered lights, a miniature reflection of the star spangled, moonless sky.

Marys and the squad of soldiers that always accompanied Kei outside of Firan were getting settled in the barracks, and attendants quarters attached to the academy. Kei was free to get comfortable in his own rooms without Marys' continued nagging.

When someone laughed, Kei sat up and faced the open doorway. His rival leaned against the frame, arms crossed while he smirked. His waist length white-gold hair was tied back in a long braid. Eagle feathers were worked into the hair and framed the left side of his face. Adrika was a few inches shorter then Kei, with the warm golden tan of the sunlit plains of Aerie, far removed from Kei's own snowy pale Firanese coloring. His eyes were the golden orange color of amber.

Kei snorted, matching the other prince smirk for smirk. "I thought something smelled bad Adri. What are you doing here?"

"Oh that's you Kei, knowing you I'm sure you haven't bathed in weeks." Adri's eyes narrowed as he glared at Kei.

Kei acknowledged the strike as he stood and walked over to Adri. The two young men glared at each other, sizing their rival up and noting any changes the summer had brought with them.

Before they could start insulting each other in earnest, someone in the hall gave an exasperated sigh, drawing their attention. "You guys have been in the same building for less than an hour and you're already at each other’s throats." Jas shook his head in mock disappointment. The dark skinned young man crossed his arms and stared at them, long bangs of dark brown hair, shot through with auburn, covered solemn brown eyes.

"Just so you two know the other guys in our dorm house aren't going to tolerate it this year." He continued in the same long suffering tone of voice.

Adri cocked his head to the side, his watchful expression brought to mind a hunting bird of prey. "Not going to tolerate what Jasper?" He didn't use Jas' nickname, knowing full well Kei's friend hated it. His voice held all the superiority of a prince speaking to a lesser noble. But his composure was ruined as Kei elbowed him in the ribs.

Jas smiled and it was ever so slightly malicious. "The two of you brawling day and night. Unlike you wonderful royal princes, we lesser beings actually need to study. We can't take one look at the class work and understand more than the teachers. So, if you want to insult each other constantly, do it in private or not at all." He grinned at Kei, smirked at Adri, and spun on his heel to march back down the hall.

Bewildered Kei glanced over at his rival, only to see Adri looking at him in equal confusion. "We're not that bad, are we?" Kei asked him.

Adri shrugged in bafflement. "Apparently we are, since we've just basically been told by the entire dorm to shut up."

Rolling his eyes in exasperation, Kei glanced at his feet before turning back to his room. He muttered sourly under his breath. "This school year's gonna be no fun at all then."

"You’re telling me." Adri agreed sullenly. Sticking his nose in the air he strode across the hall towards his own room.

Both boys slammed their doors, almost in unison with the other. Kei leaned against the sturdy wood, eyes closed. He pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to block out the approaching headache. The old wound on his right shoulder ached again.

Kei kicked his boots off and shrugged out of the dusty cloak. Too tired to change, Kei collapsed onto the bed once again. Exhaustion pulled at him, and the young prince closed his eyes, drifting into deep sleep.

***

Not far from the academy dorms, someone else watched the city lights. She was dressed from neck to boots, in tight fitting black leather armor. Her long red hair was braided and coiled around her head. In the shadows her dark blue eyes seemed black.

Legs set wide, Yurara studied her surroundings. Centera was quiet tonight, except for the occasional dog barking. The only sound she could here was the steady slap of wavelets hitting the pier.

Glancing behind her, she saw her men were prepared. There were more than a nearly forty of them, all handpicked for this mission, dressed like her and heavily armed. But if all went well they wouldn't need those weapons. Yurara had been given command, but with the understanding that she was to listen to her more experienced subordinates. She didn't mind, this was her first big mission and she had no intention of screwing up by going off half cocked.

When night fell a fog had rolled in off the river, dense and thick, with the chill common to the northern mountains of Firan. Fog like this wouldn't lift for hours. Yurara shivered with anticipation, it was the perfect night for what they were about to attempt.

She turned and strode down the riverside road. Beyond the piers, it curved away from the river towards the market and academy, before arching back along the city walls and following the river again. The main road of Centera was one big circle with smaller streets and alleys branching off it. It was certainly convenient for what Yurara and her men were up to. If this went right, no one would see them coming or going.

As Yurara walked down the deserted street, ignoring the inns and shops lined the road. The mist swirled around her as she began to sing. Her voice soared into the air, haunting and clear. The melody was wordless, ethereal in its tones.

Ahead of her someone walking home from a late night out glanced upward. His dull eyes slid closed and his legs folded beneath him. He leaned against the wall snoring softly. Yurara smiled slightly as she passed him, realizing it was working. The group drew closer to the academy occasionally passing other people, all of them sleeping like the first. Never once did Yurara allow the song to cease.

When they reached the academy they found the doors only half barred. The night guard had fallen asleep at his task, allowing them to walk right in. Once inside Yurara turned to her men, signaling for one group to handle the barracks and attendant’s quarters. Leaving a pair of guards on the gates and taking the rest with her. The academy grounds were isolated from the rest of the city by a low wall, more decorative then anything.

The complex itself was made of high quality wood and brick. The classrooms and lecture halls were located in one building; another held the mess hall and recreational rooms. The library completed that half of the campus. According to the map Yurara had memorized the dormitories and stables would be on the other side of the trees that lined the center of the grounds.

The stars above were obscured by the mist now, the bright lights of the dorm only a faint haze in the fog. Yurara's lips quirked in anticipation as she moved closer to the dormitory, her song drifted through the night, entrancing those who heard it and masking their passing.

The fog parted around them as they entered the courtyard; around them the night was eerily silent the only sound was the soft haunting melody that drifted through the air. Quietly the remaining soldiers parted, half going to the girls’ dorm on the eastern side of the square, the others taking the boys’ dorm to the west.

As the soldiers went to work Yurara remained in the courtyard, where her voice could carry farther. As she sang she continued to smile but it never reached her eyes, they remained as cold and dark as the ocean's depths.

***

Kei knew he was dreaming it was the same dream he always had. He was a small child again, barely six years old. His hair was pure black, unstained by that cursed white lock. Small legs kicked against the chair he was sitting on as he peered out the window. Behind him his older twin, Ky'rin was lying on the floor studying for his lessons. His sisters, Lis'bette and Ris'ta, were sitting on the couch with Mama listening to her soft lilting voice as she told them a story.

The walls were made of black stone and covered with brightly coloured tapestries and paintings that showed the mountains in the warmer months. The floor was covered by a plush carpet from Aerie, red with twisting gold and green vines. A fire crackled merrily in the fireplace, finely carved ivory figurines dotted the mantle place, stark contrast to the black stone of the keep.

Some people said the Black Palace of Firan was stark and forbidding. But they had never seen it in the dead of winter. Its black walls surrounded by a thick blanket of snow, white powder dusting the roof tops and high sweeping towers. Brilliant light shining from the stained glass windows, it stood tall atop the high cliffs, watching over the city spread below.

Kei's brow furrowed as he shivered in fear, he shouldn't be scared he was a big boy and needed to protect Mama and the girls, Papa would be done with his meeting soon and would come see them before bed time. He shoved the fear and confusion aside and went back to watching the snow fall from the night sky, absorbed in his own imagination. Trapped within the memory the older Kei could do nothing but watch in resignation as what little he remembered of this night unfolded.

A brisk knock on the door brought the family out of their own thoughts. Ky'rin marked his page and jumped up off the floor, grinning widely he ran to open the door, clearly expecting their father. Just as he reached for the knob, the door was slammed open and Ky'rin was shoved back into the room.

Five strange men poured into the room, one of them pulled the door shut and locked it with a snick. They were all dressed in grey. Cloaked and masked, they wore long daggers and each of them carried an unsheathed sword. The metal glittered in the firelight. They never said a word, never made a sound. As Liz and Risa started to scream one of them stepped smoothly forward and ran his blade through Ky'rin's chest.

Kei's shriek of terror choked off, he clutched his chest and sank to his knees gasping for breath. It felt as if the sword had pierced him as well as his brother. Somewhere deep inside, the bond between Kei and his twin, the part of him that always knew Ky'rin was there, snapped. It felt as if his soul was being ripped in two, and Kei found his voice as he screamed in agony.

There was a roaring sound in his ears as his vision narrowed to the sight of his twin hanging in the air like a rag doll, his shocked blue green eyes were already glassy, their light forever extinguished. Kei's vision narrowed further, until the only thing he could see was the bloodstained sword protruding from Ky'rin's back, a single ruby drop falling from the tip.

Darkness claimed him. Kei floated in shadows. 'That's strange.' He thought. 'I always wake up now. In the distance he heard a wordless, enchanting tune. It sang to him lulling him back into deeper sleep, back into the dream. He thrashed in his bed fighting the effects of the song. Something was wrong he knew that, but the song was so gentle, wrapping around him. "Sleep."The song told him. "Leave the grief’s and pains of this world behind. Sleep."

Kei fought to wake up, it felt like the battle lasted hours but in reality it was only ten minutes before he jolted awake, tumbling off the bed and cracking his head on the night table.

Groaning, Kei sat up on the floor, rubbing his head gingerly. He glanced around the room, nothing was out of place but that song echoed throughout the entire room. His bags were still in the corner, the window was opened a crack, and even his pile of homework from last school year was still on the desk. Reaching up, he grabbed the sheathed dagger from his bed side table and stood, padding on silent feet into the hallway.

Soft voices echoed from down the stairwell. Kei stayed in the shadows, moving stealthily down the hallway. During his earlier school years at the academy, Kei had snuck out of the dorm many times. He knew what shadows to hide in, but Kei could not shake the feeling that whoever was climbing the stairs didn`t belong there. This was much more dangerous than one of his teenage pranks.

As Kei reached the corner of the stairs, a hand reached out and covered his mouth, yanking him into one of the dusty unused rooms. The door closed quickly and Kei whirled around to glare at Adri, his blue-green eyes shining like twin flames in the gloomy unlit room.

"Damn it, Adri." Kei swore his voice a harsh whisper. "What the hell did you do that for?"

Adri slapped his hand back over Kei's mouth. "Would you be quiet, something is seriously wrong here, Kei. I don't know who those people are but they're bad news. Not a single person is awake on this floor, I checked. None of them will wake up." His amber eyes were wide as he eyed the closed door, as if he could see through it.

Rolling his eyes, Kei pulled Adri's hand down. "No, you think!? Of course something's wrong." Kei's low voice was thick with sarcasm. He paused, as if the rest of Adri's words had just sunk in. "Seriously? You can't wake up anyone?"

He nodded as Kei began pacing the dusty room. "I tried to wake up Jasper and some of the others but nothing worked." He shook his head in frustration. "It's this song, it has to be. It goes on and on and everyone stays asleep. Just like a..." Adri's voice trailed off in realisation and he ran forward to join Kei at the window.

Outside the thick fog had begun to clear, wisps of it still clung to the buildings and ground. A girl leaned against one of the low benches, her face obscured by her blood red hair. The girl's foot tapped out a rhythm to her song.

"Siren." Kei finished Adri's sentence resignedly. Naming the Mer people that dwelt beneath the waves of the southern seas. It was well known that they could enchant people with their voices, even the part human ones.

Adri looked at Kei, brow furrowed in confusion. "But why would a Siren be here. Even the mostly human ones almost never leave Solus."

Kei rubbed his arms absently, as a terrible suspicion came to him. "Adri, you got to school before me. Have any of the Solasian nobles shown up? I know I didn't see Seryn on my way in."

Eyes widening in horror, Adri shook his head in denial. "No way, King Solon wouldn't do this. The four lands have been at peace for decades; the last war was more than sixty years ago."

Drawing his dagger, Kei walked towards the door. He looked pityingly at Adri, and his voice was bitter as he spoke. "Just because it's been peaceful since before we were born Adri. That doesn't mean it's going to stay that way."

Adri flinched, as he recalled what had happened in Firan a decade ago. He nodded grimly at Kei. The strange and dangerous situation forced them to set their dislike for each other aside. Leaning over, Adri drew the knives he kept hidden in his boots before moving to stand beside Kei.

"We need to get out of here. There's no way we can wake the others from an enchanted sleep." Adri's tone was matter of fact. "That means no going off half cocked and picking a fight with the soldiers."

Kei attempted to look innocent, but it failed miserably. Resigned, he nodded at Adri, sighing under his breath. The building was still dark, as the two slipped down the stair. The third floor was even darker then the fourth, with dorm rooms on both sides of the hallway.

The boys didn't dare breath as they slipped passed the soldiers in the hall. Kei glanced longingly towards Jas' room, he didn't want to leave his friend behind but there was no way to wake him until the Spellsong ran its course. And it wasn't like he could carry him all the way. As Kei descended the stairs he glimpsed one of the soldiers leaving a room, carrying one of the students.

Shivering with apprehension, Kei was grateful for the shadows that hid his presence from the soldiers. Quietly, he hurried after Adri down the stairs. The first and second floors were completely silent as the pair crawled beneath the windows, avoiding the torchlight that shone in from the courtyard.

Ahead of him, Kei saw Adri's lips moving in silent prayer, as the boy moved towards the side door. Kei shared the sentiment, this was completely different from the training exercises he'd done with the army. Even when he had gone on missions there had always been numerous soldiers between him and danger. But if they made even a single mistake here, they could really end up dead.

This close to the courtyard, the singing was even louder. Kei clenched his teeth to keep from yawning; he was starting to have trouble thinking. They needed to get far away before they were asleep like everyone else. Kei could only wonder why the two of them had stayed awake this long. The power of a Siren's Song wasn't what it was in the Era of Magic, but if everyone else was asleep he and Adri should be unconscious to.

Kei shook his head in frustration, "Focus on getting out of here alive Kei. You can think about the hows and whys when you're safe." He told himself, as Adri reached up and opened the side door.

The two boys breathed a sigh of relief as the door opened without a sound. Crouching low to the ground the pair dashed across the knoll near the dormitories, ducking behind one of the bushes that dotted the school grounds.

Catching his breath, he saw Adri looking up and followed the other boys gaze. He swore softly as he saw the sky was no longer black, but the deep blue of swiftly approaching dawn. With the sunrise, soon there would be no shadows to hide behind.

"What now?" Adri asked him, his voice tight with fear and tension.

Biting his lip Kei glanced around him. There were trees and bushes scattered across the grounds. What little cover the plants offered was disappearing with the stars. They wouldn't be able to hide here much longer.

"The gate." Kei decided. "I've got some friends in the city, they'll help us. If we can just get out of the school, we can lay low for a couple of days and wait till it is safe."

"That's your brilliant plan!?" The Aerian prince demanded. "You may as well just say we're winging it."

Kei shrugged in agitation. "Do you have any better ideas?" When Adri only scowled in reply, he stood in a low crouch. "Then let’s get out of here."

With the sky lightening above, the boys stole through the fading shadows, ducking behind trees and bushes. When they came to an open space they ran across as fast as they could. The further they got from the dormitory, the more alert Kei felt, Adri was also moving better.

Halfway to the gate, Adri had glanced longingly towards the administration building. Kei had shaken his head in frustration. Even if by some miracle a teacher did come to school this early, they would be no match for trained soldiers.

By now the Siren's song was a faint echo in the distance. Sitting in the bushes, Kei rubbed his bare feet, working some warmth back into them. The grass was cool with dew, and neither boy had thought to grab shoes to wear before they left. Hell they were lucky to be wearing clothes at all instead of a nightshirt.

Ahead of them the gate stood open as it always was at this hour. The soldiers must not have wanted to arouse suspicion by closing it, now it was a straight shot from where he and Adri crouched in the bushes, to the gate. Once they were out of the school they could lose any pursuers in the twisting city streets. Kei could only breathe a prayer of thanks that he had snuck out of the school so often over the past years. He could navigate the back streets of Centera blindfolded by this point.

Kei glanced to his left, Adri leaned his back against a tree, the other prince's face was a mask of determination as he peered around the trunk. His expensive silks and velvets were covered in dirt and grass. He was holding up better then Kei thought he would. Kei hadn't had the typical upbringing of a prince, but Adri had. The Firanese prince was pleasantly surprised that his rival hadn't wilted like a pampered, fragile flower. But then Kei knew that Adri could be just as stubborn as he was, if he was pushed far enough.

"You ready?" Kei asked, his voice lightly taunting. With freedom in sight, the old competitive drive was rising to the surface.

Adri glanced at him and smirked, his amber eyes gleamed in the darkness like copper coins. "Whenever you are, just don't fall behind Kei'ra."

Rising from his crouch Kei stood beside Adri. The boys glanced at each other and in unison; they ducked from the cover of the trees and bolted across the path towards the gate. With his longer legs Kei quickly pulled ahead of the smaller boy. Kei sprinted through the open gate and onto the thoroughfare, he glanced around at the deserted streets.

"That's odd." Kei thought. "There's usually someone on the street before dawn, a baker going to work, a guy sneaking home from an affair." His train of thought was cut off by a muffled yell, Kei whirled around to see that that a soldier had grabbed Adri's braid and yanked him off balance before clubbing him over the head.

Kei swore under his breath. Of course the gate was open; they had left someone to guard it just in case. "I was overconfident. I'm such a fool." His foot edged backwards, as Kei started to run. As Adri dropped to the ground, the soldier smiled coldly at Kei and brandished his sword threateningly. He obviously considered a slender young lord armed only with a dagger to be no threat.

That decided Kei, if there was one thing he couldn't stand it was being looked down on. He reversed the grip on his dagger in a practiced gesture and charged at the man. Shock shone in the soldiers eyes as Kei ducked under his guard and slashed upwards. The guard jumped backwards, blood dripping from his upper arm. He wasn't smiling anymore. "Not bad boy, you're fast." His lilting voice was thickly accented, a native of the Island Chain in Solus.

Shifting his stance, Kei tightened the grip on his dagger. If he lost that he was dead, Kei sucked at bare handed combat. "I was trying to gut you." Kei spat in reply, his blue-green eyes blazed with rage.

Kei tensed as the guard moved towards him. He was so focused on the nameless soldier that he almost missed the other one sneaking up on him. He whirled in time to block the strike from the second guard’s sword. Sneering, the man leaned back and kicked him in the gut, sending Kei flying.

He coughed as he struggled to get to his feet. A shadow loomed in front of him and he tried to bring his dagger up to defend, but one of the soldiers planted his boot on Kei's hand. Pain shot up his arm and Kei screamed his vision swimming as the guard he had cut sheathed his sword.

The guard smiled as he flexed his hand, his voice seemed to echo from far away. "This one is for the arm boy, be grateful we have orders to take you noble brats alive or I'd gut you right here and now." His fist crashed into Kei's face, and Kei fell onto his back, his head cracking against the stone and unconsciousness swept in.

***

"What do you mean they aren't in their rooms?" Yurara demanded of the guard in front of her, what was his name? Num, Nag, Nugen that was it. "Explain, Guardsmen Nugen." The soldiers had all removed their ear plugs once the nobles had been bound and secured. They would sleep for hours yet before her Spellsong wore off completely.

The man's fellow soldiers gave him pitying looks; most of them had unconscious teenagers slung over their shoulders. No one wants to be on their superior's bad side, especially when that superior happens to be a princess and her father's favourite daughter.

"I mean that no one is in those rooms. But it's clear they're being used." Nugen shuffled his feet as if searching for an answer, his face brightening. "Perhaps whoever uses those rooms was delayed and hasn't arrived in Centera yet." He wilted when Yurara gave him a withering glare.

Someone coughed politely interrupting the dressing down. Yurara turned to see that the soldiers she had left guarding the gate were standing off to the side. She started to shout at them too, when she noticed one of their arms bleeding. "Princess, if that man lost some of the brats. I think we may have found them."

He nodded towards the wall where two young men were sprawled unconscious, one fair haired the other dark. The man winced as he shrugged. "Don't ask me how they were awake Princess, but we caught them bolting through the gate into the city. We weren't sure if these were some of the ones you were after so we left them alive, but we had to get a bit rough with them."

The Princess smiled warmly at the wounded soldier. "Excellent job soldier. I don't know how they escaped my Spellsong either but answers will have to wait for later." She glanced up at the brightening sky. "Dawn is coming; let's get out of here while we can. Nugen and Lage, you carry those two." She pointed at the boys.

The wounded guard kicked the dark haired one lightly. "Be careful with this one. He's been well trained and he's vicious."

The soldiers laughed, teasing the man for being marked by a "Brat barely off his leading strings." But Yurara saw the wariness in the man's eyes. Even when one of the soldiers bandaged his arm, he never took his eyes off either boy.

They met up with the soldiers who had taken care of the barracks, and left through the gates, hurrying through the streets back to the river. They would split up with the majority of them on the larger barge, leaving a squad of guards and just four of the prisoners on the smaller boat. Then lay low in the city for a day after the alarm was raised.

Yurara watched the puzzling young men too, but it was curiosity that stirred her, not fear. "Who are you two, to stay awake when a Siren compels you to sleep?" She thought. "Who are you? What are you?" In the predawn light there was no answer.

It didn't make sense, and Yurara hated things that didn't make sense. She resolved to find out at as soon as possible.

I really like this. Starts of quick and you don't dawdle on details. Can't wait to see more and hope the publishers like it.

Chapter 2- Storm: part 1

The first thing Kei noticed when he came to was his pounding head, the second thing he noticed was that his hand hurt as well. Kei cracked his eyes open and shut them quickly, his stomach heaving in protest to the gently rocking room. Water slapped against the wall, confirming Kei's guess that he was on a boat.

Ropes tied his hands securely behind his back. Grunting, Kei shifted against the wall until he was sitting upright. Now that he wasn't face down on the floor, he could open his eyes without being sick. An oil lamp swung gently on a rope above a single table and chair, boxes, and barrels were stacked along one wall, cargo he guessed. More worrying, Kei didn't see any way out of the room. There was a trapdoor in the ceiling, but it was closed. To his left he could see a trio of forms slumped against the wall, like him their hands were bound behind their backs. Kei could see that the boy next to him was Adri, and was surprised that he was relieved his rival was alright.

He leaned forward, swearing as he caught sight of the other two prisoners. Jasper and his twin sister Amber were slumped against each other. Except for their hair and disparate height, the twins were almost identical. Jasper's was a mix of brown and dark red while Amber's hair was streaked with dark gold. The others started to groan as they came to; Adri woke first and glanced resignedly at Kei when he realized his hands were tied.

Kei looked up as footsteps and voices filtered down from the deck. Shushing, Jas and Amber as their voices raised in shock and panic. He strained to hear what was happening outside of the hold. The conversation lulled as the trapdoor was pried open, and a soldier jumped nimbly down into the hold not even bothering with the ladder.

He grinned sinisterly at the prisoners, the bared steel in his hands a threat that needed no words. Kei tore his eyes from the soldier as the red haired siren stepped off of the ladder. She wasn't much older than he was, barely seventeen summers, but despite her youth she was clearly in charge, the soldier deferring to her. Blood red curls tumbled to her shoulders, framing a heart shaped face, she had the toned body and sun kissed tan typical of the southern kingdom. Kei would have called her pretty if it weren't for her deep blue eyes. There was something inhumanly cold in those eyes, and Kei couldn't hold back a shiver. The last time he had seen eyes like that his world had shattered.

The Siren cocked her head, studying Adri and Kei as if she had found something particularly unpleasant. For long moments she did nothing but stare at the two prisoners, Kei just glared at her defiantly.

It was Amber who broke the silence as she snapped at the girl. "Who the hell are you!? What do you want with us!?"

The Siren glanced at the girl as if noticing the siblings for the first time and laughed softly. "Yes, I suppose you would want to know why you've been kidnapped." Her voice was sultry and mesmerizing, laced with magic. It may have been beautiful but Kei now knew it for what it was; a weapon.

"It's simple really." Her mouth quirked in a half smile. "Our glorious homeland of Solus is now at war with the other lands. Your rulers should be receiving their respective declarations any day now. You students of Centera's academy, all sons and daughters of influential nobles, you are being detained against your parent’s good behavior. Until the war ends you will be our honored guests."

"You mean we're hostages." Adri spat.

"Well, if you want to be crass about it. Yes." The smile had become a smug grin.

Jasper snarled at her. "Just because you kidnapped us, our parents are supposed to turn traitor!? It will never happen."

Laughing, she shook her head. "They don't have to betray their kingdoms. Just not interfere. We left word at the school with our demands; they should notify your families."

"What about me, or Adrika for that matter?" Kei's voice was brittle with icy rage, the words were out of his mouth before he could censor them. "Will you expect complete surrender? If so you should kill me now, my father would never sacrifice Firan for his feckless scapegrace of a son. Even if I am his only heir."

"Only heir?" She cocked her head. Eyes widening, she stepped forward and yanked his hair up, staring at his earrings, "Memorial piercings." She murmured, throwing back her head and laughing long and loud. "So that was it, that's what it was. I didn't even consider it."

She released his hair and stepped back into a polished curtsy, an incongruous image in breeches and leather armor. "Forgive me Prince Kei’ra; it seems I have been remiss in introductions. I am Princess Yurara ta Solon, eldest child of the King of Solus." Grinning in delight she glanced over at Adri. "And that would make this young man Prince Adrika of Aerie, the only grandson of Queen Farina, and third in line to the Aeriean throne behind his mother and elder sister."

"Well, now I know why the two of you could defy my Spellsong." She straightened from the curtsy with a satisfied smile.

"What are you talking about?" Adri demanded, scowling in confusion.

Yurara tossed her head back and looked down her nose at her captive audience. "It's simple really. It has been more then fourteen centuries since the Era of Magic ended and humans lost their great powers. With the exception of my cousin, it has been at least that long since the mythical races married into the royal families."

"Nowadays, the Sirens hide beneath the ocean waves, the Phoenixes of Firan no longer fly from their mountain top cities. No one even knows what happened to the Beastia of Durad, or the Winged Elves of Aerie. They just, vanished into the mists of time." She smiled wistfully. "The blood of the legendary races is very thin by now, almost nonexistent. But it was clearly enough to protect you; it's only natural that you would have some defenses, the Mythic Races once warred fiercely with each other."

Shrugging good naturedly, Yurara took hold of the ladder and began to climb out of the hold. "Where are you going!?" Jas shouted at her, but froze as the soldier took a seat at the table and glared at them, toying with the dagger in his hand.

Yurara paused and glanced back at her prisoners. "I'm going back to my own barge. It's almost noon we'll be leaving Centera shortly, and I would prefer to spend the journey in relative comfort. I only came here because I was curious how the young princes could resist my song, and I have my answer now."

She kept climbing the ladder, but Kei had caught on something she had let slip. " ‘Leaving Centera.’ “He repeated, eyes widening in realization he glanced at the others.”We're still in the city."

The quiet was shattered as the four of them started to shout, but the trapdoor closed securely as the soldier slammed his dagger point down onto the table. "None of that now.’S bad enough I gots to babysit you blueblood pups, I don' need you cryin' too." He pulled a flask from his belt pouch and took a healthy swig. Smacking his lips, he grinned at them. "You’s what we call a prisoner of war. If'n you keep screamin' like that, I gots permission to gag the lot o you."

The calls for help dwindled as the nobles shrank back against the wall. Kei curled his lip in contempt as he glared at the guard. This guy was scum, a common thug compared to the elite army Firan kept to repel the barbarian tribes from the Northern Wastes. But being a thug didn’t mean he wasn’t dangerous.

Above, feet pounded along the deck as the barge cast off from the docks, and moved into the strong river currents. Kei clenched his jaw, as his stomach heaved once again when the boat rocked. Moaning, he drew his legs up to his chest, and concentrated on not throwing up.

Hours passed in silence as the barge was carried further downriver. All the prisoners could do was watch their guard drink his way under the table.

"Finally," Amber rolled her eyes, as the guard sprawled on the floor, his snoring echoing in the hold. "Kei, can you help us out here?"

Kei grinned sheepishly and shifted his arms behind his back until the ropes slid to the floor. Rubbing his raw wrists, he reached behind a gape jawed Adri and began to work on his rival's bindings.

"How did you do that?" Adri demanded as his own bindings fell away and the two of them moved to untie the siblings.

"A friend of mine taught me some slide-hand once for fun. He dared me to learn how to untie myself."

Jas rolled his eyes and snickered. "What he's not telling you is that his friend is a thief."

Frowning, Adri glared at him. "Are you sure you're the future king of Firan?"

He grinned mischievously, "Oh, they wish I wasn't." Kei assured Adri as he took Amber's hand, and lifted her to her feet.

"So… What now?" Amber asked nudging their incompetent guard with a slippered foot; he snorted and rolled over, cradling the flask like a baby. "How do we get out of here? Come to think of it, how did you get caught in the first place? Yurara said you didn't get caught in her Spellsong. You two are too smart and untrusting to be caught by soldiers that are this stupid."

Kei blushed fiercely, looking away from Amber's considering stare. "We made a stupid mistake, alright. Can we move on now?"

"At least we didn't sleep through our own kidnapping." Adri muttered sourly, as he rummaged through the boxes, tossing shirts and breeches at Jas and Amber. The twins were still in their night clothes. "Would you get changed already, we can't do anything with you two in dressing gowns."

The rivals turned their backs to give the twins some privacy, and continued digging through the crates. They were filled with old clothes, and other second hand items. The 'cargo' was clearly camouflage, meant only to pass a casual inspection by the dock master. The sole weapons in the room were the dagger the guard had left jammed into the table, and the sheathed sword at his belt. Kei yanked the knife out and turned the blade over, passing it to Adri.

Adri arched a pale brow in silent question and Kei shrugged. "You're better than me with short blades." He said matter-of-factly.

"You two can turn around now." Jas spoke behind them.

Jas’ clothes fit for the most part, but Kei clapped a hand over his mouth to stifle a laugh when he saw Amber. The clothes were at least three sizes too big on her small frame. She looked like a little girl playing dress up in her big brother's clothing. She scowled fiercely, glaring at him with dark green eyes, "Not a word. Not. One. Word."

Leaning down, Jas scooped up the rope and began tying their erstwhile guard up. "Okay, we're not tied up anymore. That doesn't change the fact that we're trapped on a river barge, hours downriver from Centera. We might have already crossed the border into Solus." Jas pulled the sheathed sword from the guards belt and tossed it to Kei, who caught it deftly.

Kei tested the blade's edge, wincing as it sliced into the pad of his thumb, he licked the wound to close it as he moved toward the ladder. "Then let's get out of here."

"Are you insane!? We have no idea who's up there!" Adri protested when he grabbed Kei's arm.

He turned and raked the smaller boy with a disdainful gaze. "What then? You're just going to sit here like a good little boy until more soldiers come!?" Kei curled his lip in contempt and snarled at him. "You heard Yurara, this is a war. The instant we're no longer useful they are going to kill us. Left alive we're a potential threat, if we follow their rules we are dead."

At the shocked look in Adri's wide eyes, Kei broke off his rant. Belatedly remembering that unlike him, most nobles led relatively sheltered childhoods. He had too until his family was murdered. Kei took a deep breath and closed his eyes, pushing back the anger and panic. The boat lurched suddenly beneath them and Kei clapped a hand over his mouth as he staggered.

Amber cocked her head as she watched him. "Are you sea-sick Kei? You look a little green but I thought that was the lighting in here."

Raking his hand through tangled hair, Kei glared at the others. "I'm fine. All this talking is pointless. The longer we wait the further downriver this barge goes. We need to be gone, now."

Biting his lip in anxiety, Adri nodded agreement. In short order Adri had climbed the ladder and cracked open the trapdoor, peering around the deck. Silently, he counted the guards under his breath before closing the door and jumping down to join the others in the darkened hold. The lantern had been snuffed so as not to give them away when the door was opened.

"There are six of them, two on either side keeping the barge on course and two more circling the deck. I'd guess there's a seventh in the sleeping cabin to the back of the barge." Adri was breathing quickly as he told the others the result, partly out of fear and partly from excitement

Kei grunted thoughtfully. "Counting Sleeping Ugly down here, that makes eight. A whole flaming squad."

"Its times like these make you wish humans could still use magic." Jas said morosely. "You two could've just blasted th... OWW!! What was that for Amber!?"Jas rubbed his ribs where his sister had elbowed him in the dark.

"While you're asking for the impossible, why don't you wish we had never been kidnapped? Or how about wishing a war wasn't about to start?" Amber's voice dripped with sweet sarcasm, before she snapped at him. "Think of something constructive, stupid!"

Blowing hair out of his face, Kei glanced around, his eyes adjusting to the darkness. "Alright." His voice cut through the siblings bickering and they turned to his voice. Adri remained quiet, watching him intently. "Here's how I think we should do it. Adri and I are armed, so we come out first and take down the two patrolling the deck. The two of you follow us, and rush one of the side pairs pushing them overboard. That'll leave us with three, much better odds."

Amber caught on, following Kei's train of thought. "And we can get weapons from the guards the two of you take out. We'll all be armed."

"It's actually a pretty sound plan for something cobbled together on the fly." Adri admitted grudgingly. "But I can think of one thing that might put a kink in it. When I counted the guards, I noticed a storm coming in from the south Yurara will probably order the barges beached just before it hits. She won't want to lose any of her precious 'cargo' " He ground his teeth in agitation.

Kei swore. "So to top it off, we're on a time limit. Once they beach the barges, they'll check the hold. Any chance we had at freedom disappears then."

"Enough. As you've said repeatedly Kei, time is our enemy. We must move swiftly and decisively, we're only going to get one shot at this." Jasper's voice was steady and calm, even though he had to be just as scared and volatile as the others.

Nodding Kei climbed the ladder; he began to open the door, but paused as Adri called from below. "You realize if we screw this up Kei, we're going to die sooner rather than later?"

Kei pushed the door open as he glanced down at Adri. In the distance lightning flashed, his blue-green eyes glowing in the brief light. He smiled bitterly as he answered simply. "That's war."