Note: This is a vampire story for Suze's contest, so please rip it into itty bitty pieces. I need all the criticism I can get. ^^
Edit: Don't mind the underlined words. They're for Suze. Also, part 2 is here.
Start
Almost everyone in the small room glanced at the doors every other minute or so. By simply being here, all of them had broken the law. Watchers could storm in and disassemble the auction at any second, and that thought charged the air with electricity.
Gavin knew there would be no arrests tonight as he’d spotted the duchess disguised in the crowd. Still, the mere thought of being involved in something illegal sent waves of paranoia seeping through his veins, as it did into the rest of the cramped room.
The deafening silence worked its magic, amplifying every sound - from the footsteps of the winner to someone in a corner of the room tapping his foot. Breathing was almost impossible, as the tangy stench of sweat seemed to have devoured every bit of oxygen in the room. Uncomfortable was an understatement. After five straight hours of sitting, the wooden chair had bruised Gavin’s back, and he did not doubt the older gentlemen suffered even more than he did. The man beside him leaned forward as if he was about to stand, but the auctioneer opened his mouth again and all the bidders stiffened.
“We’re down to the last item, ladies and gen’men! Are ya ready to see a vampire?” Benedict grinned, boasting only a handful of teeth. The man was only into his late forties, yet he was already balding. A handful of whispered rumors claimed that Benedict had his hair and teeth purposely removed in order to make himself look harmless.
Gavin didn’t put it past the old man.
Benedict motioned for his own slaves to bring out a shackled boy. The guards held the child firmly by one shoulder each, but he didn’t seem to mind. His eyes hungrily swept through the audience, eliciting a few gasps from the women. Gavin’s grip on his chair tightened.
He stared at the boy not because he wanted to, but because he couldn’t help it. There was something incredibly magnetic about the vampire, and it wasn’t his beauty. That wasn’t to say he was ugly, though.
The boy’s skin was a darkened honey color, and pitch-black curls framed his face. It wasn’t hard to see he was no prisoner of the recent war with Allemaigne; perhaps he was taken from the gypsies? But would Benedict dare to capture a gypsy even after all of the duchess’ attempts to patch relations with the them?
The duchess, sitting a few chairs away from Gavin, visibly tensed.
Yes, Benedict did.
“Ain’t he a beaut?”
Yes, he was. Gavin couldn’t deny that.
“That’s a pretty young one,” remarked one of the other bidders. “Don’t you have older ones?”
“One ya can bring ‘round the streets at nigh’ to show off?” Benedict’s knowing laugh dragged the room’s temperature a few degrees down. “You’re gonna have to age ‘em yourself! They’re like wine – if ya want them old, they’ll be a few times more expensive.”
“Wait. How do we know he’s a vampire?” chirped a voice from the middle of the room. All heads turned to the direction of the voice. It was almost a cruel question, but someone had to ask it. Even Gavin had his doubts. The boy looked nothing like the duchess’ own fair-haired and pale-skinned vampire.
“Well, I’ll just have to prove it, won’t I?” Benedict chuckled and all attention shifted back to him. Arms shoved a legless little girl on stage, and several rough voices screamed out orders in a language foreign to Gavin. The little girl flinched, but she crawled towards the vampire. There was no masking the fear in her eyes, nor the vicious manner by which the vampire watched his prey draw closer.
Gavin’s nails dug into the soft wood of the chair. Benedict’s sense of humor had always been somewhat morbid, but would the old bastard actually sacrifice that little girl?
Actually, he would. Gavin steeled himself for what would come next.
"Stop it."
To Gavin's surprise, the duchess stood up. No one else appeared to recognize her for who she really was, but Gavin supposed that was thanks to the mask she wore. He himself wouldn't have recognized her if it wasn't for her peculiar habit of waving her arm through a doorway before passing through it.
“Don’t you dare, Benedict. Don’t even let her near that monster.”
Benedict seemed to recognize the duchess because he doubled over in laughter. “That’s priceless, m’dear, seeing as you own a vampire yo’self.”
The duchess’s proud posture wavered for a moment. “He’s trained. He won’t attack unless I give him -”
“He was jus’ like this one b’fore I sold ‘im to ya.”
“He was not. Benedict, if you feed her to him –“
“You’re doin’ nothing, ‘cause if we go down you’re coming to hell with us.”
The sheer audacity of what Benedict said silenced the room. Anyone who didn’t know that the masked woman was the duchess certainly understood that she was a person of some power now.
The duchess clenched her fists. “I’ll buy her then. Name your price.” Her voice was low and terse, as if she said it through gritted teeth.
Gavin couldn’t help but admire the woman. Tomorrow: he would pay her a visit tomorrow. It had been some time since they’d last spoken with each other, and seeing her fired up tonight only reminded Gavin of how much he respected her.
Benedict scratched his stubbly cheek. “A hundred gold coins an’ fifty silvers.”
The duchess showed no signs of backing down, but she audibly sucked in air through her teeth. Gavin himself nearly choked. That was an absurd amount for a legless slave. Hells, it was a murderous amount even for a beautiful, well-educated slave.
“Wha? You said I could name any price.” A few chuckles erupted from the crowd.
“You are a cold-hearted –“
Benedict stared her down. “D’you want her or not?”
“I’ll take her. But mark my words –“
Benedict waved her off and turned to his men. “You heard her. Bring along another one and let’s get this over with.”
In a way Gavin was glad Benedict sold the little girl to the duchess at such a high price. It took the duchess out of the game immediately, and therefore cut out one of Gavin’s biggest rivals in this auction. Gavin wanted, no, needed that vampire. It was going to make him a fortune.
Another child was brought onstage as the legless little girl was dragged off and shoved at the duchess, who had made her way to the front. The older men behind the vampire tensed as the new little girl rushed forward to give the boy a hug. Her lips trembled and tears spilled down her eyes, but she seemed to be whispering something to him. Her lips moved at an amazing rate, but the vampire registered nothing. He touched the pale skin of her neck, leaning in closer, closer, closer... One of the guards behind him yanked his head away from the girl and the vampire’s yelp shattered the silence.
Benedict glanced at the crowd. “Any objections?”
I read all the other comments, they seem to have covered quite a lot. However i did pick up on one mistake:
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