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Happily Ever After
Happily Ever After

by ChildofEden in Art & Photography
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Narrative Poetry

This thread was created on November 30, 2005
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Chandni   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 01, 2005 12:49 am    Post subject: You.. Reply with quote

There I was lying next to you

And I think, wow my wish it really did come true

So now I'm writing this poem

Looking back, how it all began



First time I saw your Face

I felt really weird something suddenly rushed into me

It was like an unexpected apple falling on my head from out of a tree



I felt like I needed to get to know you pretty soon or quick

As the days passed by and I kept seeing you

The more Special you became to me

I felt like there was some kind of Connectivity



Every star I wished upon, held the same wish deep down in its center

The wish that would bring eachother in our lives.

This was my goal, my point, my destiny

You becoming my Friend ment the world to me



And I know its sounds real crazy cuz I didn't even know you...

But now that things have gotten so far and we know exactly who we are,

I look back and Remember,



The weird feelings, the connectivity and the wishing upon the stars...

I know now they ment something,

I didn't feel and wish so much for nothing.

Even if it did give me a bump on my head that unexpected apple from the tree.

Knowing you,having your friendship and trust is the best thing that ever happenend to me...
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Brian   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 01, 2005 2:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I thought that this was okay. It was melodramatic, but not terribly so, and it's a bit jumpy in places, such as:
I felt like I needed to get to know you pretty soon or quick
As the days passed by and I kept seeing you
The more Special you became to me
I felt like there was some kind of Connectivity

The first line in that stanza contrasts a lot in terms of tone with the rest of the stanza. Getting rid of it would not detriment the rest, and would keep a consistent tone.

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Elizabeth   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 01, 2005 2:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

DEFFINATELY REMINDS ME OF ROY
...

LOVELY! It remids me so much about Roy. I love peoms I can relate to. EXELLENT!!

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Chandni   View This User's Portfolio
Peace, Love and Magic.
Novelist

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Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 16
Joined: 30 Nov 2005
Posts: 429
Reviews: 176
Country: Netherlands Antilles
300 Points

PostPosted: Mon Dec 12, 2005 11:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

hey you guys got nymore comments on this ??

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This thread was created on November 30, 2005

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