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When He Fell


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When He Fell

Postby BottomlessEyes on Thu Mar 04, 2010 9:35 pm

I realize that there are no indentions...but i copied and pasted it from a document and it took them out....so i will be sure to get them bsck ASAP!!!!!!! But in the meantime, this is a project that I had to do for my Humsnities class... ENJOY! 

 

When He Fell 

Michael opened his eyes to a dark starlit sky. He knew right away that 

he was no longer in the heavens. No, it was in a much different place…. He 

was on earth, one of the many planets that his father had created a 

millennium long ago. 

He stood up and stretched. His muscles screamed in protest and his 

bones cracked and popped. He spread his wings out, and pulled them around 

to inspect them. 

“No.” He whispered quietly, louder, he asked to no one, “Why did this 

happen?!” 

His breathtaking soft white wings were now a glossy black. He 

was so shocked that he didn’t hear the sound of leaves and twigs being 

stepped on until it was too late to hide. 

He braced himself, eyes closed, just waiting for a scream and 

retreating footsteps. Instead, he heard the exact opposite; hesitant but 

advancing footsteps. 

He opened his eyes to see a beautiful girl standing across from 

him. Her green eyes were wide, showing no trace of fear, only curiosity. 

“What are you?” She asked quietly, gently tucking a stray 

strand of her auburn hair behind her ear. He was silent, thinking about 

whether or not telling her the truth. Finally, he said, “I’m an angel…Er, was 

an angel. I was thrown out, and I fell. So, I guess I’m not an angel anymore.” 

“Well, technically, you’re still an angel…you’re just a fallen 

angel. But there is one thing that I would like to know.” She said 

thoughtfully. 

“What’s that?” Michael replied to her. 

“Why did you fall?” 

“I fell because I broke the rules. I fell for mortals and I wanted 

war. I’m ashamed, but I know that I deserved it… But I just remembered 

that I’m not the first angel to fall… No, that was Lucifer, he wanted to be 

higher that God himself, but he was proved wrong, and he got worse than I 

did. He got stripped of his wings, I still have mine, but they are no longer 

white. Maybe that means that I still have a chance…” He said. 

“You do have a chance.” The girl replied. 

“I do?” He asked, hope in his grey eyes. 

“Yes.” She said, “You must save a mortal person’s life, and you 

will earn back what you had before.” 

“How am I supposed to do that? And how do you know this?” 

He asked her. 

“Because I am the human girl you are supposed to save. I am 

the girl that will have you earn the title as Guardian. You are the first one 

that falls and keeps his wings, and you are the first one to earn this title. In 

order to do that, you must save me. I am also already dead.” 

“How am I supposed to save you, then?” He asked hysterically. 

“I cannot say, all that you can know is my name.” She told him 

calmly. 

“Which is?” 

“Gabrielle” The girl said, and disappeared.

Clouded Skies Cover Everything
I can no longer see
Why go on?


Light thinks it travels faster than anything, but it is wrong, no matter how fast light travels,it finds the darkness has always gotten there first and is waiting for it.
—Terry Pratchett
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Re: When He Fell

Postby OynxFire on Thu Mar 04, 2010 11:06 pm

Hey there Oynx here to give you a review!

I read through this confused nearly the entire time. I mean, the girl is confused, asking what this guy is and then she says that he has to save her? That doesn't make sense. How does she know that he's supposed to protect her or save her then?

“What are you?” She asked quietly, gently tucking a stray
strand of her auburn hair behind her ear. He was silent, thinking about
whether or not telling her the truth. Finally, he said, “I’m an angel…Er, was
an angel. I was thrown out, and I fell. So, I guess I’m not an angel anymore.”
“Well, technically, you’re still an angel…you’re just a fallen
angel. But there is one thing that I would like to know.” She said
thoughtfully.
“What’s that?” Michael replied to her.
“Why did you fall?”
“I fell because I broke the rules. I fell for mortals and I wanted
war. I’m ashamed, but I know that I deserved it… But I just remembered
that I’m not the first angel to fall… No, that was Lucifer, he wanted to be
higher that God himself, but he was proved wrong, and he got worse than I
did. He got stripped of his wings, I still have mine, but they are no longer
white. Maybe that means that I still have a chance…” He said.
“You do have a chance.” The girl replied.
“I do?” He asked, hope in his grey eyes.
“Yes.” She said, “You must save a mortal person’s life, and you
will earn back what you had before.”
“How am I supposed to do that? And how do you know this?”
He asked her.


This was where things got confusing. She asks what he is and then automatically just says "Oh yeah, you're a fallen angel and you have to save my life.

Overall:

This sounds pretty cliche, but you could make it work to your advantage. A fallen angel must save a girl and I'm pretty sure he'll fall in love with her. I'm only guessing but I could be wrong.

Hope I helped, and I'd love to see a revised version. (;

Oynx
Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.
~Albus Dumbledore (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows)
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Re: When He Fell

Postby mmink on Fri Mar 05, 2010 7:52 am

The person above me basically covered how it really didn't make sense that she had to ask him what he was and then gave him instructions. Anyways I really just wanted to add that it would probably be a good idea to give the girl a last name that she can tell him also. I actually like the idea though. Have you read Hush, Hush by Becca Fitzpatrick? It has a similar concept. And also I wanted to tell you that there have actually been a lot of fallen angles on earth it is in Gen. of the Bible if that will help you with your story any. Good Luck!
"I would rather be poor in a cottage full of books than a king without the desire to read" - Thomas Babington Macaulay
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