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Scavengers (Scene Three of Eight)

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Scavengers (Scene Three of Eight)

Postby Vasticity on Tue Feb 09, 2010 12:00 am

I lied. The character development is in the next scene. Sorry I took so long. :oops:  

 

SCAVENGERS (SCENE THREE) 

 

(We fade from black to the inside of the garage, where Cody, Ian, and Adrian are sitting in a circle) 

 

 

ADRIAN: 

Well.. I think the bottom line is that we need to lay low for a while. We can't take on somebody that has the most powerful weapon in the world. 

 

CODY: 

At this point, anyway. 

 

IAN: 

We can't just stand back and let them take over, can we? TriOpolis has been a haven to people for 4 years, and we're going to let a gang of... 20 take over? 

 

ADRIAN: 

Ian, don't-- 

 

IAN: 

No, to hell with that! I'm not going to just stand back and let my only home be taken over by some freaking criminals, for god's sakes! 

 

(Ian stands up and walks out of the garage. Cody and Adrian do nothing to try and stop him. Cody looks over at Adrian) 

 

CODY: 

You're not even going to help him? 

 

ADRIAN: 

Why should I? Ian is a 15-year old. He needs to learn the consequences of his decisions. And if that means getting shot... so be it. 

 

(The two sit in silence for a few moments. Adrian gets up and walks out of the room. The door slams, and we cut to Norman and Ross, sitting in the Scavenger's base. We get a close-up of Norman's hands, holding the gun. We zoom out until we can see Norman's entire body) 

 

NORMAN: 

You can't imagine the look of fear they had in their eyes when I pulled out the gun. With this weapon, we will salvage all the steel and wood in the world. We will be the ultimate fighters. And then... people will line up and beg to work with us. 

 

ROSS: 

Yes, sir. 

 

NORMAN: 

Leave me in peace, Ross. 

 

(Ross hesitates, then gets up. We cut to him leaving the room. Suddenly, he is struck on the back of the head. He falls to the ground, revealing Ian, standing behind him with a baseball bat. The camera following his hand, he reaches down, and turns the doorknob. We cut to Norman, who is sitting down. He looks over at the door, and cocks the gun. We cut back to Ian. The knob is completely turned. He inhales, and bursts in) 

 

FIRST-PERSON: NORMAN HOLDS THE GUN UP AT THE CAMERA 

 

(We cut back to Ian. He gets a distressed look on his face. Norman fires the gun. We get a close-up of Ian's hand hitting the ground. We cut to Norman, holding Ian's body, in a field. He puts him on the ground, and walks away, his cane propped up against his shoulder)

Last edited by Vasticity on Fri Feb 26, 2010 6:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.
I wasn't expecting Scavengers To be so... POPULAR
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Re: Scavengers (Scene Three of Eight)

Postby Nate on Thu Feb 18, 2010 3:12 am

Getting reviews on scripts is tough. It's even tougher when it gets posted in parts. What I'd suggest is that when you're done, post the whole thing in the Advanced Critiques forum. That way you can get a review on the whole thing.


In any case, there's not much to review here because it's so short. However, I did find the scene directions at the end to be quite confusing. You have Ross leaving with no indication that he's exited any door. Then you have Ian hitting him in the back of the head, and then Ian reaches for a door handle to get to Norman. Yet, there's been no indication that Ross has left that room.

Norman then shoots Ian, but then you cut to this completely out-of-the-blue scene where Norman is holding Ian's body in a field. Where in the world did that come from?
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Re: Scavengers (Scene Three of Eight)

Postby Ilovebubbles123 on Sat Feb 20, 2010 6:52 pm

Hey Vast-izzle!

Once again, I am intrigued by your scripts!

I have the same critique as Nate. Perhaps add more dialogue about how Norman shoots Ian or the whole Ross-with-the-door part.

Great script! Notify me when part 4 is on!

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Re: Scavengers (Scene Three of Eight)

Postby skutter11 on Mon Feb 22, 2010 10:06 am

SCENE FOUR! CAN'T WAIT!
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Re: Scavengers (Scene Three of Eight)

Postby thehobbitgangster on Fri Feb 26, 2010 2:25 am

Yeah, more dialogue would be great...It makes things easier to understand. You have mostly stage directions now, and it's a bit hard to follow. I wish it was a little longer so I can learn more about Adrian and all the other good guys and their society. I guess I understand the part how Norman ends with leaving Ian's body in a field. You've got to dump the body somewhere. Poor Ian, hopefully the good guys will pull through.
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