Hi there Walk! Are you new to YWS? If so, I welcome you and thanks for letting me drop by and review this poem.

It was okay. I wanted to like this poem, I really did. It did have a few things going for it. For instance, it was short, and had a mysterious, dramatic edge that wasn't teenage angst. However, there are a few techniques that you tried to use to your advantage, and they just didn't work for me.

Repetition

WalkInTheSun613x wrote:Unknown
That's really what I am
Unknown

This is an alright first stanza, but the use of both unknowns is redundant. If you had any meat to this stanza, for instance; describing why the narrator is unknown, then I would be alright with it. It would go like this, for example.

Unknown,
That's what I really am
bla bla bla bla bla
bla bla bla bla bla
That's what I really am,

You can add that meat to this stanza, which I would be a fan of since more insight would be given into the poem. However, it's fine the way it is, and if you want to keep it like that just delete one of the unknowns.

Lack of Punctuation

Not all poems need punctuation, but I can see dear, that yours does. Your missing vital things like commas and semi-colons that really help the reader understand what it is going on. You also put your line breaks in odd places. Grammar can be everything in some cases. For example, how would you like it if your favorite novel was writtenlikethiswithnoformattingorpunctuationwhatsoever?

Now, I might be exaggerating a bit, but you get my point. Without the necessary punctuation, the reader gets the wrong idea. This is especially clear in your last stanza.

WalkInTheSun613x wrote:I'm that girl
The girl
Who'll change the world.
One day,
The girl
Who'll eventually be
The girl
Who everyone wants to be

I can kind of get what you're saying here, but really, it took me two or three times to. What if it was written like this?

I'm that girl.
The girl who'll change the world.
One day,
That girl
will eventually be
The girl Who everyone wants to be.

Much clearer, right? Anyway, this review has gotten kind of long and rambling, so if you need anything further, don't be afraid to shoot me a PM. Have fun here on YWS!

-Elinor

You also put your line breaks in odd places.

That was my point. It's a style, and I also think what you said about my punctuation (or lack of) applies to my style as well. Honestly, I don't normally put punctuation in my poetry, because that's my signature almost.
Also, I really don't think people should criticize people about punctuation and line breaks when referring to poetry. The author has their own style and voice and they should be able to format their poems however they please...to get their point across. (This is just my opinion.)
Thank you though, for mentioning it.

I agree with sunshine, eleanor you can't really know what the author is feeling, maybe the line breaks are symbolic and a way to convey the emotion. The problem with critiques is that it's done by someone who most likely doesn't understand.

Hello! I think the concept of this poem is something a lot of people will be able to relate to. However, I'm not sure I'm keen on the narrator talking about herself in third person. The idea of standing in the rain crying is also slightly overused. I think this poem just needs a little bulking up, a bit more substance - more imagery, more description, just to flesh it out a bit, make it a bit more unique. Good job though, have fun with it and welcome to YWS!