Hello,
First of all, I would like to say that this is an excellent poem, seeing as it's your first!
Anyway,

I wish that the sun was here again,

This line is very powerful, and in some ways, very poetic. =)

For I know that the sun is still there,
Even if it tries to hide

I love these two litle bits, it's really cool!!!!
Okay, overall this poem is superb, I think it's nice how you made it short. Maybe one thing you could improve on is using a wider range of words, like instead of shining, you could use glowing, glittering or illuminating. Other than that, this is a really awesome first poem!
CONGRATS
~ tam_ara

This poem is by no means bad but you could have done it better.

for a start you re-use the word sun too much within the poem, try and think of some alternate way of putting it. for example:

As the sun sets to reveal the night,
I feel some warmth inside.
For I know it's still there,
Even if it tries to hide.

the first six lines set up the poem nicely, but then I feel that past them lines, it just gets all jumbled up and doesn't flow very well at all. I would consider re-writing these parts, trying not to re-use words too much and adding in some descriptive language.

also I would recommend using a meter to help it to flow better.

sorry If this sounded really harsh, it is by no means a bad first try.

keep writing

Halycon

Thanks guys. i would appreciate if you hit the Like button if you like it.

This poem is a bit too commonplace for me. There's nothing really wholly unique about it. The rhyme scheme also takes away from the meaning (which also seems to be lacking a bit). A good way to rid yourself of this, if you wish, is to read it out loud to someone and see if they can guess the next rhyming word. If they can, rewrite it because it is predictable and an easy read (though these kinds of poems have their places in childrens' books).

If you like it and don't want to scratch it and rewrite, try making it longer or writing a different ending, because the current one doesn't flow very well and is very sudden. I do like the contrast between the first two lines, and they would do better to stand alone than to be followed by "For I know that the sun is still there, / Even if it tries to hide." Proper grammar rules dictate that "bright" in line 6 should be brightly. See what I mean about the sacrifice of meaning for rhyme?

There may be some other small editing mistakes, but I encourage you to keep writing and to get better at it. Obviously I don't have the only opinion out there; I am just a natural critic. ;]

- Clara

Thanks everyone. I might write another one soon.

Everyone else pretty much said any good criticism that I could've. Excellent first poem! Work on your vocab too, if need be a thesaurus is a great tool.

Most of all though, fantastic presentation! Your the youngest on this site that I've seen, yet you have presented your poem the most professionally!

Had to point that out since I've seen some sloppy looking poems on here.

Thnak you, inkwell. most people say i'm mature for my age.

Hi Aristotle! I'm surprised; this was pretty good. This was your very first poem? You have quite a bit of talent, m'dear. Anyway, nitpicks!

Aristotle wrote:As the sun sets to reveal the night

This part seems a little bit too lengthy. I'm also not too fond of your word choice here. I'd change 'sun sets' to 'sunset' (seems a bit prettier, don't you think?) and It will help account to trimming down this line. Also, there are a ton of different synonyms that you could use in place of 'the night'. For instance, 'dusk', 'blackness', 'dark' anything that you can think of that isn't too flowery would be pretty good.

Aristotle wrote:For I know that the sun is still there

Just wondering, why would that make the narrator feel warm inside? Might want to elaborate a bit.

Aristotle wrote:My, it is glowing bright.

You might want to add an exclamation mark afterward to add some emphasis. Also, without the exclamation this line seems kind of bare.

Overall, this was a pretty good poem! Shoot me a PM if you need anything.

-Elinor

Wow! I'm on the featured list! Thank you everyone who hit the LIKE button!

P.S. I will post an edited version with all of your tips on it everyone!

EDIT:

Sunset

As the sun sets to reveal the dusk,
I feel some warmth inside.
For I know that it’s still there,
Even if it tries to hide.
I wait for the sun and glance at the moon,
My, it is glowing brightly!
I wish that the sun was here again,
Although it is not daylight.
I now see the moon come to a still,
And I begin to rest my eyes.

Hey Ari! I'm here,a s promised.

So, I really liked this! A rather simple, but effective poem. It describes a nice setting, but I'd like to see more to it. As in, right now it tells a scene, but I'd like to know why and how did that person got to the sunset, etc. It might seem a bit unrelated, since this is a poem and not fiction, but most poems have stories behind them, and when they are explicit, the reader can feel more connected to the poem.

Onto nit-picks?

I wait for the sun and glance at the moon

Even though there is no longer a close repetition of sun, I still feel it sounds wrong. The repetition still doesn't work. Maybe you could try and frame it in a different way? Or simply try to find something you can replace sun with? Just a suggestion ^.^

My, it is glowing brightly!

I feel like this line is dislocated because of it's tone. It's simply... too much. The rest of the lines sound so simple and somewhat calm, and there BAM there's an exclamation point. I just you rephrase it, because it really doesn't fit like this.

Well, as an overall, I liked this, but I feel like it could have so much more into it, that I feel slightly disappointed.

Keep on writing!
- Kat