Chapter 6: A lie to be told and a secret to keep

It was now officially 1:30 a.m. and my parents were still interrogating me. This was the longest conversation we’ve ever had. I swear this should deserve an award. I have been alive for almost eighteen years and they’ve never talked to me this much… Well, at least my mom.
I felt tired. All the questions were finally wearing me out. I felt like my eyelids were going to close. I had to fight against sleep. Dad and mom were here, in my room, sleep depriving me. I had told them how I got drunk and then woke up and found myself in a bed and that I didn’t remember anything else. I had to listen to the questions and lie carefully. ‘Cause if I didn’t I was afraid my sleepless state might give away too much truth. And that was precisely what I didn’t want.
Telling the truth would only mean one thing to me: Connor would know. He and the entire school would know… Not that they won’t notice once I get kind of huge.
But once I do get huge then, they’ll start wondering whose baby it is. And if Connor gets the idea that he is the father, I’m screwed. Unless I tell him it’s not his. I could tell him the father is this hot Canadian guy who looks almost like a rock star… Oh, who am I kidding? I don’t even believe this. My brother, who’s completely oblivious wouldn’t believe that.
“Gabriela!” My mom half shouted. “Are you even listening to me?” I looked at her and yawned in response. Dad stood in a corner of my room in silence. He let Mom do all the heavy questions and just listen to my answers. “You know one of thing that I want to do right now is slap you,” she said with a strong, but tired voice. Obviously she was tired of dealing with me.
“You know mom, that be actually one of the first things you do as a parent in long, long time,” I said with a shocked voice. “I’m proud of you.”
“Gabriela, don’t take it out on me if you made the stupid decision of having sex. Also, it’s not my fault that you’re pregnant.” She did not just go there. It’s not her fault? She’s never even here. I can’t remember her, ever sitting down to talk to me about lady stuff.
“Not your fault?” I said, out laud and with enough anger to forget for a few seconds that I was about to drop dead, from exhaustion. “You know Mom my first period, I don’t know if you remember as well as I do, but I was twelve. And when I first got it, was at Emma’s house. I tried to call you, but like always, you were busy. Emma’s mom, she was there for me. She wasn’t as “busy” as you were,” I raised my voice so it was clearly heard and also made air quotations, just so both of them could get the picture. Mom looked away, but Dad kept his focus on me. “Also Mom, I never got a sex talk from you. I got it from Dad, Grandma and obviously Em’s mom, but never from you,” I said, with a voice that suggested that I was going to blow up if I kept screaming. I was not going to go on cry mode. So, I decided to keep on saying a couple of more truths. “My first date, you weren’t there, to busy working in New York. Let me see… What else have you missed in my life? Oh, I remember, first and only boyfriend never met him. Yeah, you deserve the mom award,” I said in a bitter voice.
I was finally letting out all of the things that had once hurt me, and made wonder many times if my mom, ever really loved me. And I hoped that by letting them out, I’d be hurting her at least one bit of what she hurt me, from not being there for me.
“That’s enough, Gabriela,” Dad said, with a strong voice. “I think your mom gets the point. We both do.”
“Oh, really? ‘Cause, I don’t think she really does.” All the screaming was going to give me a headache.
“Well, I’m sorry, Gabriela. I’m sorry that I bust my ass working everyday, so you can have a car, good clothes, and everything that I couldn’t have,” she said with a voice filled not only with rage, but also with hurt. ‘Cause now, she did know she was hurting me, but I can also see her point. She didn’t have many of the things she has now. Her extreme focus has been working to give us the best. And the best has gotten her away from us.
“I’d never asked you for any of those things!” I said, and now tears were starting to cloud my vision. I was crying, big time crying.
I don’t really understand why, but Mom and I just started hugging each other, saying we were sorry; Mom, for not being a mom and me for saying that Mom wasn’t a mom, which is very much the truth, and for getting pregnant, which isn’t completely my fault. Dad joined in later for the hugging. I guess he’s afraid of our water works, ‘cause I think that Mom and I were crying a little bit too much.
With hugs, kisses and promises that everything was going to be fine, and Mom muttering something about being a young grandma, they both left my room. I was tired and sleepy, but not enough to collapse, not right now that I was thinking what had happen today. I couldn’t believe that I actually told my parents the truth. I would have thought that maybe I would have to arrange my funeral or something, the worst I got today was probably: Dads disappointment in me and no car, I did get the credit card back though. And Mario’s kiss… Yeah, I don’t know if what he said is true, about him loving me, but what I do know is that he’s a great kisser. It’s like I can’t get it out of my mind. Although I can’t get Connor out of it either. Will I go boy crazy? I mean, I can’t, I’m pregnant. So, it’s like boys off limits.


I hate waking up by a stupid alarm. Especially when I haven’t slept at all, I swear one of these days I’ll grab a hammer and kill it. Summer has now officially ended, according to the stupid alarm that woke me up. Thing is, summer may have ended but I don’t want to go to school. I just want to stay in bed and never get up.
My phone started vibrating on my night table, and I was debating whether I should answer it or not. I looked first at the caller ID before answering, it was Emma. “Hello,” I said kind of grumpy and sleepy. That’s what happens when people don’t get there eight hours of shut eye.
“Well, someone’s grumpy today,” Em said, with a cheerful voice. It’s so like her to be happy that school actually started. Why did I get the weird friend? “So, are you coming to pick me up?”
“No, but you are,” I said, as I got up from bed and headed to the bathroom. “I’m officially without a car, until further notice. So you are now my official chauffeur.”
“But I’m a shitty driver,” she complained in a whiny voice. “Plus, you know how I get distracted driving.”
“Yeah, I know you’re a shitty driver, but it’s that or walk to school. And I am not walking.”
“Ok. I’ll pick you up. So be ready, ‘cause I know you just got up.” And with that she hung up the phone.
I took a quick shower having in mind that knowing Emma; she’d be here in my house in thirty minutes. Which meant that if I wasn’t ready when she came to pick me up I would have to face a big Emma fit. As for getting dressed… that’s the real problem. I’m so slow at deciding what to wear; I usually end up picking the first thing that catches my mind, which is not always the best.
I had in mind a denim skirt and a white tank top, just to show a little bit of my tan. Because, really one thing that when perfect this summer was my tan. Also, I got to enjoy my body while I can, ‘cause in a couple of months I doubt that I’ll look great in a skirt. As for the shoe department, I think I’ll go in my black converse.
When I finally finished getting ready I headed down stairs. I stopped right at the front door. I smelled that something was wrong, that something was edible food. I went to investigate why it smelled so delicious in my entire house. I even heard my stomach make a grumbling noise. The smell made me hungry. I poke my head in the kitchen to see who was cooking. My eyes almost fell out of there sockets, when I saw my Mom cooking. I mean, actually cooking. The first one to notice my presence was Dad; Mom was too concentrated on cooking. Dad gave me a wink, as if he were trying to tell me “Yeah, she cooks.” which honestly is unbelievable. I didn’t know she could cook. Then again, I barely know here at all. I stood there looking at mom with real curiosity, I’ve never really seen her cook, and all I’ve ever seen her do is give people orders and make people sell their souls to the devil. Well, not to the real devil… but close enough.
“Buenos Dias!” she said, when she caught me staring at her in obvious curiosity. And since when is she so happy to greet me in Spanish. I mean, last night she was cursing in Spanish and other several of other languages I don’t know of, and now she’s all “Good morning” at me.
“Good morning,” I said as I went to sit next to Dad, who gave me a kiss on top of my head once I sat on the chair.
“Are you hungry?” Mom asked, with what I thought was a sweat voice. I just nodded. This is kind of suspicious, breakfast and sweetness. Something is definitely wrong. “Well, nodding is not going to get us anywhere. It’s yes or no, and answer in Spanish.” I raised my eyebrows at her suspiciously. “What? You should practice more.” Like hell, I barely remember how to speak English. I mean, I do know how to speak Spanish; it’s just been a long time since I have, and believe it or not you forget when you don’t have anyone to practice with. I mean grandma doesn’t come precisely every week.
“Si,” I said struggling on how to remember other words. “Mucho hungry. Por please?” I know, total chaos. I’m a failure as a daughter to two Latin parents.
“We’ll work on that,” Mom said, shaking her head in what I thought was disappointment. “You’ll get better,” she added. I mean, even my brother was shaking his head at me and he knows less than I do. I think.
Ok. I’ll admit it, mom knows what she does when she’s cooking. Everything was delicious, the eggs, bacon, sausages, pancakes, as I said, everything. So why did I had to throw up? Is pregnancy a curse where you only throw up? It’s like I can’t enjoy one little meal in peace. I eat it to be in my stomach, not out of it.
“Are you ok, honey?” Mom asked with concern in her voice.
“I’ll survive,” I told her in what sounded as a weak voice. “Sorry I puked in the thrash can.” I’m not really sorry though, ‘cause she’ll have to clean it up.
“Don’t worry honey. I’m not the one cleaning the mess up,” she informed me in a sweat honey voice, which is kind of actually scary. “Daddy is.” Ok, now I’m sorry. How sweet of her to put Dad on clean up duty. I guess she isn’t going to ruin her manicure.
“Anyway I got to go.”
Out side was Emma waiting for me. I would have thought that she would have left me walking by now. She smiled at me, and unlocked the passenger door. As I got in and put my seat belt on, I noticed that Emma had the same type of denim skirt I did; only hers was shorter. She was wearing a pink halter top that I bought her ages ago, that she said she didn’t have a special occasion to wear it.
“You ok?”
“Fantastic. I just finished puking my guts out.”

The next five minutes where spent in silent, and when I say five minutes it’s because I’ve been counting them. It’s kind of weird seeing Emma focusing driving, usually I have to beg to her to shut up and focus. But now she’s like the queen of focus and responsibility, I mean she actually stopped at a red light. She never does that. I can’t take this silence any longer!
“Em, could you please tell me what’s going on? Your silent treatment is killing me. Are you mad at me?” She can’t be mad at me. I haven’t done anything to make her mad… not that I know of.
“No I’m not mad at you,” she said looking at me for the first time since I was in the car. “But you’re going to be so mad at me,” she said whimpering. I didn’t know what to do or say, so I just went with stroking her hair. I mean, whatever she did I would forgive her. “Please! Forgive me, Gabe.” Emma turned toward me, letting go of the steering wheel and gave me a hug. A hug! Out of all the things to do, she wanted to give me a hug now. Naturally, I panicked and started screaming. She instantly let go of me and grabbed the steering wheel back. “Sorry,” she said murmuring. “I needed that.”
“No problem, just try to do it when the car isn’t moving. So, what did you do know that it’s so unforgivable, that you think I’m going to be mad at you.” Emma always exaggerates things, like the time she accidentally broke my laptop, she thought I was going to hit her, which was pretty absurd; I would never dare to hit Emma.
“Ok, but try not to be mad at me. I told my mom you were pregnant.”
“What?” I guess I shouted too loud and looked really pissed off, ‘cause Emma closed her eyes and hit the breaks a little too fast and the seat belt almost strangled me. “Get out of the car,” I ordered Emma. I can’t believe she told her mom, what is she stupid? You know that part where I said I’d never hit Emma, scratch that.“You can’t throw me out of my own car!” she said incredulous. “If you’ll just let me explain.” I gave her a dead look, and she took off her seat belt and did what I told her. I got out of the car and walked to the drivers’ side. “What are you going to do?”
“Getting us to school alive and you better have a good explanation for telling your mom.”
Apparently she did have a good explanation on why she told her mom. Emma, had left the pharmacy receipt in her bathroom, and Eve found them when she was cleaning Ems bathroom. She went ballistic and when she found Emma… Well, Emma thought she was going to need a cushion for her butt. So, the only way Emma could say her butt from extreme pain was telling the truth.
“What did your mom say when she knew it was me?”
“She said everything was going to be ok, that you’d be a great mom and the baby would actually survive.” Emma and me started laughing, ‘cause Emma’s mom was right in a way. She never could keep anything alive, not the hamster, the bunny or the cat. “So… am I forgiven?” she said still laughing, probably thinking the same thing I was thinking.
“Yeah, you are. How could I not forgive my best friend? I’d be stupid if I didn’t.”
“Thanks,” she said with a smile. “For everything, I mean, this summer has been the one where you have taken care of me the most, holding my hair up when I puked after a hangover, and covering for me with mom when I went out with boys and everything.”
“Yeah, well you’ve helped me a lot too this summer, don’t forget.” I turned of the car. We finally arrived to Beach Wood High. The one place I didn’t want to be at right now. The place where I could find him: Connor.


Beach Wood High School was pretty much the same as always. No big changes in it, unless you count the new coat of painting they apply every year, they always do that, first couples of months you see this pretty school and you think: I want to go to this school, ‘cause you see it pretty, but then you end up thinking: How did I end up in this crap hole? The few couple of things that Beach Woods got good are: guys, parties and… Oh, they’re good at sports, but beyond that I don’t really see anything magnificent in this crap they call school.
Inside the school was impossibly full, every corner people greeting each other, girls squealing in excitement, footballs flying on the air, which by the way one almost hit me. Beside me Emma was already texting Luigi, and poor little me with nobody. Why? Simple ‘cause I’m pregnant. Unless the cute idiot whose coming to greet me right now keeps giving me these unbelievable kisses that keep me thinking about them, even though I don’t want to. Stop right there Gabriela, you’re pregnant. What’s the matter with you? What did I say later this morning: no boys. Be serious.“Hey,” he said with a wide smile. Mario was staring at me up and down.
“Are the converse ok? Or should I have gone with flip-flops.” I guess he wasn’t precisely looking at my shoes, ‘cause he started blushing.
“You look great in anything, Gabe.”
“Well, if I ever suffer from low self esteem I’ll now who to see.”
“You can come see me for anything Gabe, whatever you need, I’m here.”
“Thanks.”
“And you don’t have to worry, your secret’s safe.” In that moment the bell rang, making it impossible for us to have a conversation. So, we ended up going our own way.
My first class was history and it was instant regret. You would never guess who was inside the classroom. Connor! Yeah, this is one of the moments were I would normally go: Oh my God! A dream come true and start jumping from joy, only I’m going all: What the fuck?
I entered the classroom with the sole focus of not looking at Connor. Yeah, like always I failed. I just had to look out of the corner of my eye didn’t I. He looked at me with his green beautiful eyes and my heart just accelerated. I felt like it wanted to escape my chest or something, and my stomach was just filled with millions of butterflies.
The classroom was full and the only place available was next to Connor and a nerdy guy, who for some reason I feel that I’ve met before. I sat on the chair and looked straight at the board. The teacher still wasn’t here and I was trying my best to ignore Connor, but you know what? He’s actually kind of difficult to ignore and pretend like he doesn’t exist.
“Hey stranger,” he said to me playfully, when I finally gave in and looked at him.
“Hey yourself,” I said with a smile.
“I’ve called you to see if you’ve been better-”
“Yeah, I know. Sorry, I didn’t return the phone calls. I was sick.” Yeah, and I’ll be sick for eight more months, thanks to you.
I looked at where the nerdy guy was sitting and my eyes just kept looking at him even though I tried not to. ‘Cause I know one thing: staring is rude. And yet something about him, maybe his black eyes, that are protected by these rectangular silver glasses, where so familiar to me. I feel like I’ve seen him before. I just don’t know where. For a second his eyes and my eyes met, and I can’t help to think that we where both thinking the same thing: I just can’t look away.

OMG!!!!!!!!!!! That...was...AWSOME!!!!!! The hole interrogating thing, hilarious!!!! The chapter was sad yet funny at the same time. Ummm, who's that guy with the black eyes? Sounds cute. Where does she know him from? And staring is rude! She needs to fix that problem!!!! Well with mistakes all I noticed were a couple of typos here and there. Nothing to worry about. I make a billion typos a day. This story is awsome!!!! Right more soon!!! Don't take so long next time!!! Just kidding!!! Bye!!!!!!!!!

Awsome!!
wookielover17

Hi Cynara.

The story was awesome, as always. Just now I noticed that the chapter was kinda long, which is good 'cuz I couldn't stop reading and it didn't feel long at all. And I love how its bitter and humorous at the same time. I wanna know what happens next.

P.S. You might (i said might) be right.

See ya. Keep posting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hello dearie,

Terribly sorry I didn't get to this sooner! It was amazing!!!! Mario is adorable, but Connor seems so hot, i don't know who she should choose!! And now we have the familiar black eyed mystery, me likey!

The only thing I noticed were a couple of missed commas. As always, pm me with any questions and when the new chapter is up. I can't wait!

~Dommy

Hey there! So, so, so sorry it's taken me so long to review - have been on holiday ^^
**I started this review yesterday, but didn't get time to finish it. :/**

Righto, here's the stuff:

Chapter 6: A lie to be told and a secret to keep

Yeah, I know. Starting at the very beginning... I don't think "keep" fits in with it. Seeing as you've got the "to be" thing in the first part, the repetition of it in the second would make it more catchy, and, seeing as you can't say "to be keep" because it's bad grammar, "to be kept" perhaps?

they’ve never talked to me this much… Well, at least my mom.

Judging from the rest of the chapter, I'm guessing she means her mum's never talked to her for so long. To make this clearer, I suggest sticking a "hasn't" on the end of your last sentence.

I felt tired.

Not sure about this. Feels like you've stuck a past tense sentence among loads that aren't. **ARE YOU WRITING IN PAST TENSE? I'm guessing not, from the beginning of the chapter, but there's such a balanced mix that I don't know!!! Please just say if you are or aren't, so the mystery can stop killing me.** Anyways, suggestions. I feel tired. I am tired. I'm tired.

Dad and mom were here,

Reverse it, it'll sound better. Also, I noticed "mom" is capitalised every other time you mention her.
Mom and Dad were here,

sleep depriving me.

Mmm.. doesn't make sense. Do you mean: depriving me of sleep?

to the questions and lie carefully. ‘Cause if I didn’t I was afraid my sleepless state might give away too much truth.

Why not make it all one sentence. They're relevant to each other. ...and lie carefully, 'cause if I didn't...
Also, "...too much truth" sounds a little strange, but it might just be me. Too much of the truth?

...huge then, they’ll start...

Comma not needed.

But once I do get huge then, they’ll start wondering whose baby it is. And if Connor gets the idea that he is the father, I’m screwed. Unless I tell him it’s not his.

A little too many half thoughts for me. Notice how you've started with conjunctions three times in a row? This is me being WAY too picky, but I think the second one (And...) breaks up the great flow you've got going on there. On it's own, "And if Connor..." sounds pretty good, but somehow jars here. *shrugs* the only thing I can think of at the moment is scrapping the "and".

I don’t even believe this. My brother, who’s completely oblivious wouldn’t believe that.

At first I didn't get what you meant by that. Maybe "gullible" would be better than "oblivious".
Comma after "oblivious".

“Gabriela!” My mom half shouted.

'Tis a speech tag so lowercase "m" on "my". It's a little confusing all these speech-tags and non-speech-tags. I just remember it as: a speech tag is where they're describing how the person says it.
You've also slipped into past tense again. "Shouted" should be "shouts"

“Are you even listening to me?” I looked at her and yawned in response. Dad stood in a corner of my room in silence. He let Mom do all the heavy questions and just listen to my answers. “You know one of thing that I want to do right now is slap you,” she said with a strong, but tired voice. Obviously she was tired of dealing with me.

Okay, personally, I think it would be better if you split it into another paragraph after "'...even listening to me?'" so that the speech stands out more and directs the reader's attention to it, like Gabe's when her mother interrupts her thoughts.
Uh-oh, still in that past-tense. I look at her and yawn. Dad stands silently in a corner of my room, letting Mom do all the heavy questions while he listens to my answers.
"...one of the thing that I want to do..."
Typo = "...one of the things that I want to do..."
Comma after "obviously".
"Said" should be "says" as you're not writing in past tense, correct?

“You know mom, that be actually one of the first things you do as a parent in long, long time,” I said with a shocked voice.

Comma after "know".
Capitalise "mom".
You're missing "would" here: "...that would be..."
Scrap the "actually" - it confuses us and slows it down.
"Said" should be "say".
Elaborate on why she's shocked. Is she surprised her mother would threaten to slap her? Or is she astounded that she said such a thing to her mum?

“Gabriela, don’t take it out on me if you made the stupid decision of having sex. Also, it’s not my fault that you’re pregnant.”

Okay, my mum would not sit back and take that (quote above this one). Don't know about this character, but wouldn't she get super-mad she was being talked back to like this? I know I'd get called every name under the sun, and not such a logical, emotionless answer. At least describe how she said it. You could say it was heated or angry or furious or... in my mind I'm hearing a cool, calm voice.

“You know Mom my first period,

Comma after "know" and another after "Mom".

And when I first got it, was at Emma’s house.

Ooops, missing the "I" there. "...got it, I was at.."

“My first date, you weren’t there, to busy working in New York.

"Too" instead of "to"
Ha ha, gives me images of the mum spying on them, or sitting at the table with them - right in the middle.

first and only boyfriend never met him.

: ...first and only boyfriend - never met him.
- Punctuation was needed there, otherwise it didn't make sense.
LOVED that way you've done that, as though Gabe is counting on her fingers how many times her mum's let her down.

...times if my mom, ever really loved me.

Dad said, with a strong voice.

Commas not needed.

“Oh, really? ‘Cause, I don’t think she really does.”

Watch out for unintended repetition. Get rid of one of the "really"s and try another word.

...but not enough to collapse, not right now that I was thinking what had happen today.

Typo - "happened" instead of "happen".

I would have to arrange my funeral or something, the worst I got today was probably: Dads disappointment in me and no car, I did get the credit card back though.

LOVELY start to the paragraph, but you get a little mixed up here and it lets it down. Separate into new sentences.
...my funeral or something. The worst I got...
Colon not needed.
"Dads" should be "Dad's" as it is his disappointment.
List it: Dad's disappointment in me, no car, although I did get the credit card back.

I hate waking up by a stupid alarm.

Even though it's a great start, the alarm is the first thing we picture in the scene, it sounds a little strange to me. I hate being woken up by my stupid alarm.

I hate waking up by a stupid alarm. Especially when I haven’t slept at all, I swear one of these days I’ll grab a hammer and kill it.

Turn the full-stop into a comma and turn the capital "e" on "especially" into a lower case one. (Make them the same sentence). The next part; make into another sentence. ...when I haven't slept at all. I swear one...

My phone started vibrating on my night table, and I was debating whether I should answer it or not.

Comma not needed. "Began" instead of "started"/?

...before answering, it was Emma.

Comma is definitely the wrong punctuation. Either: ":" or "."

I said kind of grumpy and sleepy.

Comma after "said".

when people don’t get there eight hours of shut eye.

"Their" instead of "there"
"Shut eye" could also be "shut-eye" but that's not too important.

Em said, with a cheerful voice.

Comma not needed.

I said, as I got up from bed and headed to the bathroom. “I’m officially without a car, until further notice. So you are now my official chauffeur.”

No comma after "car". If you wanted a "dramatic" pause then use "-"
I also don't think you need the comma after "said"

but it’s that or walk to school. And I am not walking.”

Okay, I know most dialogue today have sentences that start with "and" but when you're reading it, well, it gets a little tiring. : ...but it's that or walk to school - and I am not walking."

And with that she hung up the phone.

"the phone" is not needed. We know they were on the phone.

I took a quick shower having in mind that knowing Emma; she’d be here in my house in thirty minutes.

: I took a quick shower, [s]having in mind that[/s] knowing that, Emma being Emma, she would be [s]here in[/s] at my house in thirty minutes.

Because, really one thing that when perfect this summer was my tan.

"When" should be "went".
Sounds strange. Scrap the "really", even though I get what you're doing with it. Replace it with "only" and scrap the "that". Insert "and that" before "was my tan".
Because only one thing went perfect this summer and that was my tan. or Because only one thing went perfect this summer - my tan.

Also, I got to enjoy my body while I can, ‘cause in a couple of months I doubt that I’ll look great in a skirt.

Bad grammar. You need to have a "have" between "I got" = "I have got" which is better grammar. If you think it's too formal, turn it into "I've got"
Move the "that" in the second part ("I doubt that I'll) to "I doubt I'll look that great"

I smelled that something was wrong, that something was edible food.

Confused me for a sec. Maybe quotations around the second "something".

My eyes almost fell out of there sockets, when I saw my Mom cooking.

"there" should be "their".
Comma not needed.
Scrap the "my" otherwise lowercase "m" for "mom"

Dad gave me a wink, as if he were trying to tell me “Yeah, she cooks.”

Seeing as he hasn't actually said it, and you're just quoting:
Dad gave me a wink as though he was trying to tell me “Yeah, she cooks".
I changed "if" to "though" even though it doesn't really matter.
Looks a little strange, huh? Full-stop outside of the speech mark, but if he's not actually saying it then that's what you do.

“Yeah, she cooks.” which honestly is unbelievable.

Seeing as it's another sentence, capitalise the "w" on "which".

Then again, I barely know here at all.

Typo - should be "her" instead of "here".

I stood there looking at mom with real curiosity, I’ve never really seen her cook,

Capitalise "mom" 'cause it's her 'name', right?
Turn the comma into a full-stop.
...real curiosity. I've never really...

and all I’ve ever seen her do is give people orders and make people sell their souls to the devil.

scrap the "and" at the start as what she hasn't been doing isn't in the same category as what she has. If that makes sense...
Okay, SERIOUSLY do not get the last part. Sell their souls to the devil? "make them do anything" This expression doesn't really fit. It's more: I'd sell my soul to the devil for that car. or I'd do anything for her! I'd ... I'd sell my soul to the devil!
Get me?

she said, when she caught me

Comma not needed.

And since when is she so happy to greet me in Spanish.

Remember when I said sentences starting with conjunctions get really tiring? You have no need of the "and"! You'd still have that snappy effect even if you took it away! Plus - it would flow better! And make more sense.
Also, should be a question mark at the end - not a full stop.
Since when is she so happy to greet me in Spanish?
LOVE the suspicion though

I mean, last night she was cursing in Spanish and other several of other languages I don’t know of, and now she’s all “Good morning” at me.

Major laugh at the first part - "cursing in Spanish and several other languages"
But, "cursing at me" may sound a little better, so we get an image of her shouting in random languages AT Gabe, rather than just her saying stuff to nobody.
"...several of other..." Scrap the "of"
Same here. "...don't know of," Bye bye "of"
"and now she's all "Good morning" at me." Capitalisation on "good" not needed.

“Are you hungry?” Mom asked, with what I thought was a sweat voice.

Comma not needed.
Sweat voice? Ick. Do you mean "sweet"?

“Si,” I said struggling on how to remember other words. “Mucho hungry. Por please?”
“We’ll work on that,” Mom said,

Ha ha!! Great

I’ll admit it, mom knows what she does when she’s cooking.

Capitalise "mom"
"what she does"? Do you mean "what she's doing"?
I always get old sayings mixed up, especially when I don't know them that well.

as I said, everything.

: As I said - everything.
To give it a bit more emphasis.

“Are you ok, honey?”

O.K. or okay - I personally prefer the second.

she informed me in a sweat honey voice,

Sweat honey voice? she informed me in a voice sweet as honey.

How sweet of her to put

Seeing as you've used "sweet" in the same paragraph - I think it's the same paragraph - I suggest using a synonym. If you're using Word then just right-click on the word and on the menu that comes up is - surprise, surprise - synonyms. Click on that an it'll come up with different with a whole bunch of 'em. It's a life-saver. Seriously.

“Anyway I got to go.”
Out side was Emma waiting for me.

Comma after "anyway".
Typo - "Out side" should be "outside".

She smiled at me, and unlocked the passenger door. As I got in and put my seat belt on, I noticed that Emma had the same type of denim skirt I did; only hers was shorter. She was wearing a pink halter top that I bought her ages ago, that she said she didn’t have a special occasion to wear it.

"she smiled at me, and unlocked..."
Comma not needed.
"I bough her ages ago, that she said..."
"But" instead of "that"? Might sound better.

The next five minutes where spent in silent,

Typo - "were" instead of "where"
Typo - "silence" instead of "silent".

Emma focusing driving, usually

"...focusing on driving..."

It’s kind of weird seeing Emma focusing driving, usually I have to beg to her to shut up and focus. But now she’s like the queen of focus and responsibility,

Remember what I said about synonyms a few quotes ago...

she said looking at me for the first time since I was in the car.

she said whimpering.

Comma after "said" on both of 'em.

she wanted to give me a hug now.

Nothing wrong, just though "now" in italics would stress the word, making it funnier.
she wanted to give me a hug - now?
Maybe turn it into a question, just to give it that sense of "what?!"

she said murmuring.

Nah. Just say: she murmured.

what is she stupid?

What is she? Stupid?

You know that part where I said I’d never hit Emma, scratch that.“

Scratch the "scratch that" We get she's thinking of hitting her. Let it trail off as a half-threat.
Also, it's a question, so - question mark!
"remember when" is shorter and sounds better than "you know that part where"

“You can’t throw me out of my own car!” she said incredulous.

Ha ha!
Comma after "said".
Or She said incredulously.

“If you’ll just let me explain.” I gave her a dead look, and she took off her seat belt and did what I told her.

"If you'll just let me explain-" makes us feel more like she's been cut off by Gabe's look.
Dead look? Do you mean "death look"?
"...what I told her to."

Emma, had left the pharmacy receipt in her bathroom, and Eve found them when she was cleaning Ems bathroom.

"Emma, had left.." comma not needed.
"...bathroom, and Eve..." comma not needed. And woo! Emma's mum finally has a name!
"...cleaning Ems bathroom." Em's as the bathroom belongs to her. Lucky girl.

Well, Emma thought she was going to need a cushion for her butt.

WHAT?? For smart-ass quips - that can't be counted as one. Emma thought she was soon gonna see the light? Okay, that's pretty bad too. But cushion for her butt...

So, the only way Emma could say her butt from extreme pain was telling the truth.

Comma not needed.
"...pain was by telling the truth."
Typo - "save" instead of "say".

She never could keep anything alive, not the hamster, the bunny or the cat. “So… am I forgiven?” she said still laughing, probably thinking the same thing I was thinking.

Cruelty to animals much?? Okay, hamster. Understandable. But a rabbit or a cat?? Stick with small things, like fish and plants alongside the poor hamster. It would be funnier because everyone's killed either a plant or a fish via negligence at least once. Can't say the same about a cat.
"she said still laughing..." Comma after "said".

The place where I could find him: Connor.

Why would she want to find him? I get the feeling she want to avoid him.
Maybe say how he was there. The place where he would be. Connor.

No big changes in it, unless you count

You don't really need to, but maybe scrap the "in it" I get the feeling it slows it a little.

Inside the school was impossibly full, every corner people greeting each other, girls squealing in excitement, footballs flying on the air, which by the way one almost hit me. Beside me Emma was already texting Luigi, and poor little me with nobody.

Comma after "inside"
Semi-colon after "greeting each other".
oh, yeah, "in every corner were people greeting each other".
"...flying on the air..." Flying in the air.
"which by the way one almost..." = "which, by the way, one almost..."
"Beside me Emma was..." = "Beside me, Emma was..."
Okay, this bit REALLY confuses me here. "and poor little me with nobody." What?? She's with Emma, isn't she? Do you mean nobody to talk to?

Simple ‘cause I’m pregnant.

URGH! Okay, this is starting to look like an excuse. Sorry, can't pick up my pen - I'm pregnant. The only thing I can think of is that she' stopping herself from talking to boys because she's pregnant. WHY?? You can still talk to guys, right?
Comma after "simple".

Unless the cute idiot whose coming to greet me right now keeps giving me these unbelievable kisses that keep me thinking about them, even though I don’t want to.

What? I'm not even gonna try and understand that.
"Whose" should be "who's" Who is

Stop right there Gabriela, you’re pregnant. What’s the matter with you? What did I say later this morning: no boys. Be serious.“Hey,” he said with a wide smile. Mario was staring at me up and down.

I really think you should start a new paragraph when Mario speaks to her. No only for the same reason I suggested when the mum spoke, but because you're talking about the school and her feelings. Then Mario is stuck in the same paragraph.
Comma after "stop right there".
"What did I say later this morning: no boys." = "What did I say this morning? No boys."

“Hey,” he said with a wide smile. Mario was staring at me up and down.

The "mario was staring at me..." makes me think he's tagged along with the speaker, even though he is the speaker. Maybe: “Hey,” he said with a wide smile, staring at me up and down.

...esteem I’ll now who to see.”

Typo - "know" instead of "now"

“You can come see me for anything Gabe, whatever you need, I’m here.”

Awwww.
Comma after "anything".

In that moment

At that moment.

So, we ended up going our own way.

= So we ended up going our own ways.
Comma not needed.
"way" makes it sound like they're both going the same way, but different from everyone else.

Yeah, this is one of the moments were I would normally go: Oh my God! A dream come true and start jumping from joy, only I’m going all: What the fuck?

Typo - "where" instead of "were"
"Oh my God!" = "oh my God!" as "oh" isn't a name or the start of a sentence.
"A dream come true and start jumping..." = "A dream come true! And start jumping from joy,"

I entered the classroom with the sole focus of not looking at Connor. Yeah, like always I failed. I just had to look out of the corner of my eye didn’t I. He looked at me with his green beautiful eyes and my heart just accelerated. I felt like it wanted to escape my chest or something, and my stomach was just filled with millions of butterflies.

Slipped into past tense with the "entered".
"Yeah, like always I failed." = "Yeah, like always, I failed."
"I just had to look out of the corner of my eye, didn't I?" Comma after "eye" and it's a question, so question mark at the end.
"...at me with his green beautiful eyes..." "green" and "beautiful" need to get switched around, or it doesn't make sense.
"and my stomach was [s]just[/s] filled with millions of.."

The classroom was full and the only place available was next to Connor and a nerdy guy, who for some reason I feel that I’ve met before.

"was" is past tense here, maybe "is".
Oooh, who's the nerdy guy?

He’s actually kind of difficult to ignore and pretend like he doesn’t exist.

Get rid of everything that comes after "ignore" 'cause itslows it down.

he said to me playfully, when I finally gave in and looked at him.

Comma not needed.

Sorry, I didn’t return the phone calls.

Again, comma not needed.

Yeah, and I’ll be sick for eight more months, thanks to you.

Ha ha.

and my eyes just kept looking at him even though I tried not to.

Huh? Sounds freaky. Maybe just say how she kept looking at him, even though she tried not to.

‘Cause I know one thing: staring is rude.

She just knows one thing? :/ I know it's a saying, but here it just makes her sound stupid. ‘Cause I know [s]one thing:[/s] staring is rude.

maybe his black eyes, that are protected by...

Comma not needed here.

For a second his eyes and my eyes met; and I...

Repetition and past tense.
His eyes and mine.
"Meet" instead of "met".
Semi-colon should be a comma.

I can’t help to think that we where both thinking the same thing:

...silver glasses, where so familiar to me.

Typo - "were" instead of "where".

WOW. FINISHED. Bloomin' hell - that took me forever. I nit-pick WAY too much. Sorry. Okay, so, another great instalment. Not as funny as the last, but ya need a break from all the humour once in a while, huh? Or the funniness fades. Yeah, I dunno what I’m talking about either. ‘Twas great, awesome, fabulous, all that – but you already know. Once again, sorry for the late reply – and the essay. Still love my Mario Man even if Connor is super-hot. And who IS that nerdy guy??

~EmmaJane~

‘Cause if I didn’t I was afraid my sleepless state might give away too much truth.

I think it would have sounded better if you had written 'Cause if I didn't I was afraid my sleepless state might have given away too much of the truth.

‘Cause if I didn’t I was afraid my sleepless state might give away too much truth. And that was precisely what I didn’t want.

I think you should connect these two sentences.

But once I do get huge then, they’ll start wondering whose baby it is.

The comma should go after huge.

My brother, who’s completely oblivious wouldn’t believe that.

There should be a comma after oblivious.

“You know one of thing that I want to do right now is slap you,”

An s at the end of thing.

“You know mom, that be actually one of the first things you do as a parent in long, long time,”

You should write that actually would be one of the first things you do as a parent.

I said, out laud and with enough anger to forget for a few seconds that I was about to drop dead, from exhaustion.

Take out the commas.

“You know Mom my first period, I don’t know if you remember as well as I do, but I was twelve. And when I first got it, was at Emma’s house.

You should rephrase this and say... I don't know if you remember as well as I do, but my first period was when I was twelve. Also, when I first got it I was at Emma's house.

Mom looked away, but Dad kept his focus on me.

Here, you can write Mom looked away, but Dad was still focused on me.

I said, with a voice that suggested that I was going to blow up if I kept screaming.

Leave out the comma.

Oh, I remember, first and only boyfriend never met him. Yeah, you deserve the mom award,” I said in a bitter voice.

Oh, I remember, you've never met my first and only boyfriend.

I was finally letting out all of the things that had once hurt me, and made wonder many times if my mom, ever really loved me.

I was finally letting out all of the things that had once hurt me and made me wonder many times if my mom ever really loved me.

And I hoped that by letting them out, I’d be hurting her at least one bit of what she hurt me, from not being there for me.

I hoped that by letting them out I could have possibly hurt her at least one bit of how much she has hurt me, from not ever being there.

Dad said, with a strong voice.

Again, no comma.

I don’t really understand why, but Mom and I just started hugging each other, saying we were sorry; Mom, for not being a mom and me for saying that Mom wasn’t a mom, which is very much the truth, and for getting pregnant, which isn’t completely my fault.

I think which is still the truth is better.

With hugs, kisses and promises that everything was going to be fine, and Mom muttering something about being a young grandma, they both left my room.

hugs, kisses, and promises

I mean, I can’t, I’m pregnant. So, it’s like boys off limits.

So, it's as if boys are off limits.

So, I guess that is it for now. I'm too tired to do the rest. Also, before I forget, you don't start sentences with but either. Remember those things.

_______________________________________________
Merry meet and merry part and merry meet again.

Hey, this isn't my continuation to me review. I just want to check if we have our points back. I still have to finish reading this chapter and I'm super excited to. So you will have the continuation to mey review soon.

WHO IS THE NERDY GUY??



Yeah ... I just thought I'd glance over this again. But the mystery is killing me! ...Are you continuing with this...?

Please do! It's hilarious. ^^

~Emma

Oops, sorry. Spotted some wrong advice which I'd given you.

I wrote:

Cynara wrote:Inside the school was impossibly full, every corner people greeting each other, girls squealing in excitement, footballs flying on the air, which by the way one almost hit me. Beside me Emma was already texting Luigi, and poor little me with nobody.

"...flying on the air..." Flying in the air.

Uh, well, actually flying through the air sounds (and is) better. ^^' Oops. C:

Ha ha, I was just checking if you'd added more... But, damn, you haven't.

~Emma