Hiya KayC and welcome to the fabulously wonderful world of YWS! I'm Selene and it's nice to meet you.

Here are some nit-picks:

Sisters screech and bicker and scream, and pull out each other’s hair;

I don't think my sister has ever really pulled out my hair... she's certainly pulled at it, but she never succeeded in ripping it out.

Sisters make up again and again, and sisters are always kind.

Oh yeah, they're always kind, even when they're ripping hair off your head. I know 'kind' rhymes, but I'm sure you are capable of coming up with a more suitable word that rhymes with 'find'.

Sisters sleep when midnight strikes, and not a moment before;

Sisters give gifts to each other that you won’t find in any store.

For the first line, I know I've stayed up late with my sister, usually until midnight, so I can relate to what you're saying here. For the second line, though, it doesn't really relate to what it's matched up with. I think you should separate the two lines and make them into separate stanzas. You can add more to the first line by saying something like how they talk endlessly through the night and the second by mentioning the kindness that both girls show. I'm sure you can find a way to make it rhyme and make sense.

I enjoyed reading this piece, because it reminded me so much of my own little sister and us hanging out together. It's definitely easy to relate to for me, which is always good when dealing with any sort of writing.

The poem is easy to relate to, but I expected more out of it. There are only four couplets, so maybe you could add a few more? I think it would help your poem a lot.

Also, I wanted much more feeling in this. Something personal about you and your own sister would have been nice, too. If you could add emotions, like the frustration people feel with their sisters, and/or the love that's shared between them, that would give more depth to this poem. So spice it up! Don't be afraid to put in some real feeling, and go deep into how sisters really feel about each other. They can hate each other, they can love each other, but you have to get that message across loud and clear to your reader. The reader wants to feel what your saying, as well.

If you have any questions, feel free to drop me a PM.

Hello KayC!

This poem is challenging for me to relate to because I don't have a sister. I've never experienced any of the things you are talking about. I think this is the first problem with the poem you have to get over: not everyone can relate to it immediately. Since not everyone who will read this will have a sister, you have to step over that and, even though you're still writing about a sister, make it more open so that it can appeal to (sort of) any family relationship, or just a friendship between two girls.

How to do this, of course, will change the whole poem and will also help improve it in other areas. As it is, your poem is a list about things sisters are, or what sisters do. Though all of the things you mention are true to life, the manner in which you did it leaves the subject dry and tasteless. You need to inject emotion into it! Make me feel the hair being pulled out of my head, as well as the tears rolling down my cheek when the sister finally says sorry... Do you understand what I mean? A poem cannot be just a list of things - it has to create emotion. A poems goal should be, at the best of times, to cause the reader to think, react, experience in some way.

It's a hard thing to explain and it's an even more difficult thing to do for new poets, so all you have to do is practice. I find the best way to do this is, rather than making a list of things or "talking", write about a situation, so that you can bring the relationship between the sisters to life. Don't forget special poetic devices like imagery, symbolism, metaphor, or simile! If you don't know what any of those are - look them up!

Also, in case you are a new poet, I do not know this for a fact, here is the best advice I can give you: read poetry! Reading poetry and discovering how other poets before have created emotion is one of the best ways to learn how to do it in your own poetry.

Hope this helped and best of luck!

This seems like it would be a great poem for a mug or something.

I'll give her a vote of confidence: my sister has pulled out my hair before. She also gave me a black eye once, but that was a long time ago... lol.

I don't really see anything wrong with this poem. I can totally relate and I like the rhyme scheme, plus it's well-punctuated and flows smooth. 5*'s.

The rhyming was great, the beat was good. Very well done!

What I would change though is the first line,

Sisters screech and bicker and scream, and pull out each other’s hair;
Sisters are always by your side, even when you don’t want them there.

I would change it too,

"Sisters screech, bicker, and scream and pull out each other's hair;"

Since it is a list and does not need the "this and that and this..."

Other than that this is a very nice poem and very fun to read!

Thanks to everybody who took the time to review my poem! I appreciate all of the comments and advice. I just thought I would mention a few things concerning my poem...

I actually wrote this poem when I was about thirteen years old; I had been annoyed with my little sisters for keeping me up at night, but I couldn't bring myself to make them leave me alone because I was enjoying their company so much. (Thus the line, "sisters sleep when midnight strikes, and not a moment before...") However, now that I look at it, I can understand how it would be difficult to relate to if you haven't ever had a sister.

Selene: Thanks for the welcome! Thank you for pointing out the exaggeration in the first stanza; I realize that it's actually very rare that anyone ever succeeds in pulling out others' hair. I wrote that line that way because although usually all they're really doing is pulling at my hair, it certainly feels like they're pulling it out. Also, I see that "sisters are always kind" doesn't really work, especially considering the different references made to their annoying behavior in the rest of the poem, and I'll certainly look for a different way of making my point! I also agree with the statement about the two lines not belonging together; perhaps I'll split them up into different stanzas so that they make better sense.

Suzanne: Wow! Thank you for taking so much time to look so closely at my little poem! I realize that it's difficult to relate to if you don't have a sister. To be quite honest, when I wrote this poem, I was coming out of my "closet writer" phase, where I was terrified to let anyone read anything I wrote and, therefore, most of the things I wrote were for my eyes only. Because of that, I wasn't used to taking into consideration how other people would feel when they read it, because at first, I wasn't planning on letting anyone read it. I really appreciate all of the advice, though, and I hope to re-write this using your suggestions!


Trikky: Thanks a ton! I especially loved the comment about it belonging on a mug... That's about what I was shooting for when I wrote it...

Sapphirejay: Thank you very much!

Thanks again to everyone who read my poem!
KayCWriter

Hey KayC ^^ Shina here to do a review for you

Sisters screech and bicker and scream, and pull out each other’s hair;
Sisters are always by your side, even when you don’t want them there.

It should be "each others'" since it's plural, apostrophe after the "s."
Also, I like the second line xD It has double meaning.

Sisters find ways of annoying you that only a sister can find;
Sisters make up again and again, and sisters are always kind.

The second part of the second stanza isn't necessarily true. Sisters are kind, but not always. Perhaps rewording.

Sisters sleep when midnight strikes, and not a moment before;
Sisters give gifts to each other that you won’t find in any store.

The first line here also isn't necessarily true.
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Overall:

A really cute, catchy poem you have here ^^ Just remember to not let the rhyme scheme eat up the poem. Choose meaning over rhyme.

-Shina