Topic ID: 5038
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timjim77
Novelist

Age: 18 Joined: 24 Sep 2005 Posts: 315 Reviews: 209
300 Points
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Posted: Wed Oct 05, 2005 9:50 pm Post subject: Boy’s Blood |
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“There comes a time,
In every man’s life,
When he realizes he’s alive.”
The old man threw his
Cigarette into a bush.
(It reminded the boy
Of the Burning Bush,
And how the voice had come from it).
The space between the man’s lips
Grew exponentially,
Slowly un-sticking themselves
From their cracked embrace.
“See, the first time you bleed
(A real man’s blood, not
A boy’s blood)
You feel the salt and the power.
And then you’re alive.”
The boy held his head back
Stared up
At the sky,
Pushing away the memories that
Had brought him to this position.
“You can’t go through
Not knowing what pain is.
You have to be a man
Holding coals in your fists
Fighting a good fight.”
The surreal words swirled above
The boy’s face.
Blood streamed down his
Cheek, like tears.
“You have to
Live.” |
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Cicero
Writer

 Gender:  Age: 22 Joined: 04 Oct 2005 Posts: 84 Reviews: 63 Country: The Middle of America - Literally 300 Points
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Posted: Wed Oct 05, 2005 10:20 pm Post subject: |
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| Nice. However, I don't understand the ending. Does the boy get in a fight? Is life beating him down? Please explain. The burning bush metaphor is quite good. |
_________________ "Artichoke -
O heart weighed down by so many wings."
- Joseph Hutchison |
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timjim77
Novelist

Age: 18 Joined: 24 Sep 2005 Posts: 315 Reviews: 209
300 Points
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Posted: Wed Oct 05, 2005 10:30 pm Post subject: |
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| Cicero wrote: |
| Nice. However, I don't understand the ending. Does the boy get in a fight? Is life beating him down? Please explain. The burning bush metaphor is quite good. |
Well, he has a bloody nose. Where it comes from 9the man speaking, a fight, spontaneouly) is for you to decide. |
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Duskglimmer
is happy in anywhere but there Epic Novelist

 Gender:  Age: 18 Joined: 22 Dec 2004 Posts: 3151 Reviews: 437 Country: I wish I knew... 300 Points
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Posted: Wed Oct 05, 2005 11:10 pm Post subject: |
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| I liked the images and how it all flowed together, I just don't feel like it ever really connected to the reader and started to make sense. It feels like there's a piece missing, almost, a vital piece that would make it all make it all clearer. |
_________________ The robbed that smiles, steals something from the thief. ~William Shakespeare, Othello
Boo. SPEW is watching. |
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xanthan gum
gummyface! Speaker of the Forum

 Gender:  Age: 16 Joined: 13 Sep 2005 Posts: 991 Reviews: 683 Country: Scenic New Jersey 300 Points
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Posted: Thu Oct 06, 2005 10:34 pm Post subject: |
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“There comes a time,
In every man’s life,
When he realizes he’s alive.” |
It was a hooking beginning and it held me all the way through. I loved the reference to the bush and the whole way that the man tells the boy about how he will bleed once and how he has to live. I also liked how you specified that it was a "man's blood, not a boy's blood". It got your point across about the wound that you are talking about. I agree with you in this poems sense and it is also very well written. Congrats. |
_________________ Carpe Diem. |
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