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life & Dreams
by SandSasoriluver on Fri Jul 03, 2009 4:36 am
You come to me when I dream; you leave me all alone when I am a wake,
Yet speak t me all Day,
Who are you? Are you the person next to me or down the street,
Do I see you everyday; have I even met you yet?
Are you my true love or a dear friend I will have with me always,
Shall I meet you tomorrow or never?
Do you, will you know who I really am on the inside,
Not just who I am on the outside
Are you loud and proud or quiet and shy
Will you love me?
Will you hate me?
Come, come
To me as I dream to night
Let me see your face
And find out where you hide from me,
For I wish that you shall meet me for who I am not just who I wish to be
For you are with me forever.
Writing and reading, takes some many to another world, and so many to a new love of books
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by silented1 on Fri Jul 03, 2009 5:14 pm
i found typos.. and things like that..
perhaps this person is your self ? not a person you'll actully meet... a being thats within you i suppose....that can keep you company.. and things.....
i really doubt its an actul person...
relitivly nice poem... got me thinking a little...on what this is...i like the proposed problem...
perhaps this person is your self ? not a person you'll actully meet... a being thats within you i suppose....that can keep you company.. and things.....
i really doubt its an actul person...
relitivly nice poem... got me thinking a little...on what this is...i like the proposed problem...
"sadness doesn't want to give an explanation... and happiness needs none.."
"Do you not believe that the greatest of goods is committed in the coldest of blood?"
"Its pain that makes happiness, and happiness that makes pain." All from Silented1.
"Do you not believe that the greatest of goods is committed in the coldest of blood?"
"Its pain that makes happiness, and happiness that makes pain." All from Silented1.
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My ramen all brings the girls to the chat and they're like it's better than Adna's.
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by silented1 on Fri Jul 03, 2009 5:15 pm
i found typos.. and things like that..
perhaps this person is your self ? not a person you'll actully meet... a being thats within you i suppose....that can keep you company.. and things.....
i really doubt its an actul person...
relitivly nice poem... got me thinking a little...on what this is...i like the proposed problem...
haha sorry for this crappy review...
silented1
perhaps this person is your self ? not a person you'll actully meet... a being thats within you i suppose....that can keep you company.. and things.....
i really doubt its an actul person...
relitivly nice poem... got me thinking a little...on what this is...i like the proposed problem...
haha sorry for this crappy review...
silented1
"sadness doesn't want to give an explanation... and happiness needs none.."
"Do you not believe that the greatest of goods is committed in the coldest of blood?"
"Its pain that makes happiness, and happiness that makes pain." All from Silented1.
"Do you not believe that the greatest of goods is committed in the coldest of blood?"
"Its pain that makes happiness, and happiness that makes pain." All from Silented1.
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My ramen all brings the girls to the chat and they're like it's better than Adna's.
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by SandSasoriluver on Sat Jul 04, 2009 8:08 am
Thank you for telling me about the typos and your idea of what my poem meant, really meant a lot to me. This poem was really about finding one's self, so out all of everyone who guessed you were the closest! And Thank you again
Writing and reading, takes some many to another world, and so many to a new love of books
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by Mandorelute on Sat Jul 04, 2009 11:50 pm
Howdy,
I don't have too much to say. I think you had an interesting idea behind this, but I don't believe it was written very well. Your poem is hard to follow and understand; it's not impossible, it just not have much continuity. I suggest re-writing several poems based of the same theme, and learning which style and method works best with you and your ideas.
Typos:
Line two. Word three. - to; and why did you capitalize Day?
Line twelve. Word six. - tonight
Things to consider:
- More line breaks
- Use clearer language, and word choice to communicate what you are really trying to say.
- Perhaps use less personal pronouns, and communicate in more raw fashion.
Keep writing!
-M.
I don't have too much to say. I think you had an interesting idea behind this, but I don't believe it was written very well. Your poem is hard to follow and understand; it's not impossible, it just not have much continuity. I suggest re-writing several poems based of the same theme, and learning which style and method works best with you and your ideas.
Typos:
Line two. Word three. - to; and why did you capitalize Day?
Line twelve. Word six. - tonight
Things to consider:
- More line breaks
- Use clearer language, and word choice to communicate what you are really trying to say.
- Perhaps use less personal pronouns, and communicate in more raw fashion.
Keep writing!
-M.
Where there is No Love, there is No Question.
A dream shared becomes reality, a dream alone is a nightmare.
"She tastes lyke raiyn
and sumtimes kiwi-fruit;
and wunce...
she tasted lyke a pen-ny." <3
A dream shared becomes reality, a dream alone is a nightmare.
"She tastes lyke raiyn
and sumtimes kiwi-fruit;
and wunce...
she tasted lyke a pen-ny." <3
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