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War, Children.
War, Children.
by Lynlyn in Historical Fiction
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Lyrics

This thread was created on September 24, 2005
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The Scenery
Topic ID: 4759
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timjim77   View This User's Portfolio
Novelist

209

Age: 18
Joined: 24 Sep 2005
Posts: 316
Reviews: 209

300 Points
PostPosted: Sat Sep 24, 2005 5:54 am    Post subject: The Scenery Reply with quote
She slips me a knife
“Use it wisely,” she cries
But the room is just silent
She speaks with her eyes

The doctors examine
With stethoscope dreams
All my succulent flaws
All my bodily seams

So I cut them myself
With the knife that she lent
And out pours my soul
Which slips through the vent

And travels the building
In search of a song
And settles in discord
Knowing it’s wrong

Chorus:

I’ve seen the scenery
What does it mean to me?
I’ve seen the scenery
What does it mean to me?
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amoerizzle   View This User's Portfolio
Junior Writer

19
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 19
Joined: 25 Sep 2005
Posts: 47
Reviews: 19

300 Points
PostPosted: Sun Sep 25, 2005 9:00 pm    Post subject: Re: The Scenery Reply with quote
timjim77 wrote:
She slips me a knife
“Use it wisely,” she cries
But the room is just silent
She speaks with her eyes

I love this verse. It's a great opener and has great flow.

timjim77 wrote:
The doctors examine
With stethoscope dreams
All my succulent flaws
All my bodily seams

I'm not sure about the word succulent. It brings to mind the word delectable and that just doesn't seem to fit.

timjim77 wrote:
So I cut them myself
With the knife that she lent
And out pours my soul
Which slips through the vent

And travels the building
In search of a song
And settles in discord
Knowing it’s wrong

Wow! That was great!!!!!

Great job. I really enjoyed it.

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This thread was created on September 24, 2005

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