To be exact, it
has forty seven pages. Now, in the beginning, it might be kind of boring,
but further through the story it will have more action in it.
Critique is good here!
Unlike another site I go on which people just
say, "I like it! More please!" I need critique on this story because I am
hoping to publish it one day, I will get an editor and all that stuff, but I
like help from other people as well.
This is a story about a pack of creatures that live on an island
called 'Curumbasa Island'. If you find something confusing,
which you probably will, I have posted some information,
such as the ranks at the bottom of the page. I have also included a map
to show you where everything is.
Here is the prologue and the first chapter.
All characters and content of this story is copyright to me, do not steal!
---
Curumbasa::Island of Secrets
Prologue. -- Two pages
Moonlight lay over the valley like
water, covering everything in its silvery
glow. The storm was over, everything was
covered in water, which shone like stars
in the moonlight. Silence followed afterward,
not a sound of prey or even the ancient
waterfalls that spilled over each side of
the island. Not even the wind made a
sound. Suddenly, a bird uttered an alarm
call as pebbles rolled into the water. Slowly,
three large black wolves walked up to the top
of the hill. The glowing tips of there fur waving
in the wind. In the middle stood a muscular,
yet scrawny, wolf. His fur glowing blue at
the tips.
He wore a piece of a skull on his head,
strapped on by leather straps. He had no
fur on his muzzle, it was all bone. No lips
covered his teeth, and the bone stuck out
oddly on each side of muzzle. He had two
large fangs that grew almost as long as his
claws. He had blue, blue markings on his
left hind and front leg. His tails was long,
it had blue fur hanging of the underneath.
The wolf that stood to his left had purple-
tipped fur. His tail was short, a lot like a
deers but with longer fur.The fur on his
cheeks was long and straight. His tail
was short with long fur. The third wolf, who
stood to the right, had green-tipped fur. He
wore a strap around his bottom jaw, and
another on his top jaw, and one around
the base of his tail. His tail was much like
an ordinary wolfs, only it was longer. The
three wolves made their way down the
hill, eyes of blue, purple and green glowing.
Leaves crackled under the large black paws.
The wolf that wore the skull leaped forward,
his hind quarters almost vanishing into the air.
He swept right through a young deer. It looked
confused, and a heartbeat later it fell onto its
side, dead. The wolf let out a triumphant howl,
his fur glowing even brighter now. The wolves
crowded around the young deer. They knew
they needed to be strong to fight.
After they had finished, the three strange
black wolves started their journey once
more. They had set off on a mission, a
mission for power, for strength. Losing
was not an option for these wolves, they
would fight with all the strength they had.
The leader of the three-wolf pack, the one
who wore the bone, let out a blood-curdling
howl, and they all bounded off into darkness.
Although stars glittered in the sky, and
the moon shine brightly, a storm was on
its way, it would bring terror, anger and
bloodshed.
Up high, in the black sky, the Stars were
watching. Many starlit figures crouched
around a pool of shining water. They had
watched as the three black wolves killed
the deer. Danger was coming for their
beloved island. The creatures who had
gathered around the pool stared with wide
eyes. "A warning must be sent through a
vision. We shall show the Leader of the Pack
what we have just witnessed, or at least, as
much as we can show." A phoenix, her feathers
glowing brightly, said from the far side of the
pool. A muscular dragon with bright white
scales stepped up to the very edge of the pool.
"You are right, FlameSoul. Tonight, when the
moon reaches its highest peak, is when we will
send out the warning. I do not want to watch our
beloved Pack being slaughtered for no apparent
reason. These strangers just want to have power."
The white dragon sat down and closed his eyes
in thought. Putting out his hand, a ball of sparkling
lights appeared. "If this light dies, the Pack is lost
and there will be no hope of it coming back. We will
vanish, and no one knows where we will end up."
FlameSoul spread out one golden wing and touched
the surface of the water, throwing up more of the
sparkling light. "We shall see what happens in
the morning, MoonLace."
---
Chapter One--Twelve pages
Sunshine filtered into a small den.
The night before had brought rain and
thunder, all of what had happened seemed
to have vanished like mist. A young she-wolf
with black fur blinked open her amber eyes.
The sun felt warm on her back after the icy
cold rain. She smiled and extended her paws
in front of herself in a long stretch. Not realizing
how hungry she was until the smell of prey
engulfed her. The Evening Island Patrol must
be back and they must have hunted. The she-wolf
shook herself and then pushed through the ivy that
hung down in the entrance of the den.
She squinted as she came out into the sunlit
clearing. Looking around the hollow, she saw
the patrol reporting to the leader, WhisperingWind.
She called a greeting as she headed for the Prey
Storage, which was a hole in the wall of the hollow
which was also partly in the ground.
Settling herself down in a sunny spot by the
prey-storage, she pulled out a plump rabbit and
began to tear into it.
"Good morning, ColeHeart." A voice spoke up
behind her. Twisting her head around, she saw
the stone-gray fur and glittering blue eyes of her
brother. "Good morning," ColeHeart replied as her
brother sat down beside her. Taking another bite
of the rabbit, ColeHeart barked. "How was the
Dawn Island Patrol go, StoneHeart? No trouble
I hope. And it seems as if you've brought back
a good amount of prey." The gray wolf pulled out
a hawk for himself and tore of its brown, feathery
wing. "It was good. No trouble except for
GreenBreeze’s over excited StarTrainer, GaleStorm,
getting himself into trouble." StoneHeart sighed.
ColeHeart laughed quietly. "What did he do?"
StoneHeart tore of the hawks other wing.
"He climbed up to the highest point of the
SkyRock and almost leaped off. If it weren't for
GreenBreeze, he'd be dead, since the rest of us
were still walking ahead, now knowing that he
was even on the SkyRock." StoneHeart stretched
and yawned. Nodding a farewell to his sister, he
padded off to the StarSpeaker’s Den to check up
on GaleStorm.
ColeHeart lifted her head to sniff the air.
A sweet scent drifted over her and she
looked over to the StarSpeaker’s den to
see her friend, Cody, pushing her wait out
through the brambles. She must be going
to get some more herbs. ColeHeart thought.
She rose to her paws and padded over to Cody.
"Hello!" ColeHeart greeted as she came up to
the tilagon.
Cody turned around to face ColeHeart, the
spikes swaying on her back. "Hello, ColeHeart."
She meowed happily, her blue eyes shining
in the early morning sunlight. "Where are you
headed to?" ColeHeart sat down, wagging her tail.
Cody sat down as well, and then meowed.
"EchoSong sent me to get some more herbs,
some of our stocks are running low."
ColeHeart nodded slowly, tipping her
head to the side in thought.
"Would you like to come...?" Cody purred.
"Yes!" She barked joyfully. "I was just going to
ask you that!" ColeHeart trotted to the Stone
Tunnel and waited for Cody, who had gone to
get a bag for prey in case ColeHeart wanted to
hunt.
ColeHeart looked over her shoulder to see Cody
sniffing at a bunch of blue four petaled flowers that
had silver stripes through the middle of the petal.
ColeHeart padded over to help. Cody gently bit the
stem of one of the flowers and ColeHeart followed.
When they had enough of that herb, Cody brought
ColeHeart to the river, where they would find the
next batch of herbs. "So what are we looking for
now?" ColeHeart asked. "You know those gold
flowers that are in the den?" Cody mewed, her
head low to the ground as she searched.
ColeHeart nodded as she remembered the golden
flowers that she had seen in stocks, but she had
never actually seen how they were used. "Well,
that’s what we are looking for. So far they have only
been found here, by the river since no one has ever
explored further." Cody craned her neck to look over
some tall grass that grew at the edge of the lake.
"Come on, they are across the river."
ColeHeart launched herself into the water, jumping
up and down as if to stay as well out of the water as
she could. As she made it to the pebbly shore, she
saw Cody digging up the gold flowers. "Don't you just
have to bite them?" Cody looked up from what she was
doing. "Actually, if you bite them, your tongue will burn for
days. They have some gold colours liquid in the stem
that is used for infected wounds."
ColeHeart began to dig at the base of the flowers
"EchoSong, we got enough to last till Gold-Leaf!" Cody
called to the StarSpeaker. Soon, EchoSong appeared
from his den, his eyes glittering proudly. "Well done,
Cody." EchoSong praised. Cody sat with her chest
puffed out. EchoSong pulled the herbs out of the bags
and carefully placed them in the herb storage. "Cody, I
think its about time you come with me to the Lunar Garden."
ColeHeart had been to the mushrooms once before, when
Cody had become a StarTrainer. She glanced over at the
tilagon, who’s eyes were as wide as the full moon. She
seemed lost for words. "R-really, EchoSong?"
EchoSong nodded. "Your training is almost complete.
You are only about half a moon away from being a
full-fledged StarSpeaker."
ColeHeart watched as Cody took a deep breath
and bowed her head. "Thank you, this is an honor."
ColeHeart rose to her paws and dipped her head.
"I will be off now, I haven't yet seen MorningStar’s
new litter." EchoSong nodded in acknowledgment
and then headed to sort out the rest of the herbs.
Cody followed ColeHeart to the entrance of the den,
meowing her thanks for helping with the herb collecting
and then heading back to help EchoSong sort out the
rest of what they had collected.
ColeHeart padded past the stone that separated the
Elder’s den from the nursery. As she entered the
dimly lit cave, she heard the mewling of cubs.
ColeHeart heard the dry moss crackle as MorningStar
moved into a sitting position. "Have you come to see
the pups?" She asked tiredly. Padding closer, the
coal coloured she-wolf nodded and blinked her shining
amber eyes. MorningStar smiled and introduced her
cubs. "This here is GingerFoot-" She put her paw on
the back of a white female cub that had ginger-coloured
paws. Next she placed her paw on the back of a male
who had very pale green fur around his eyes and muzzle.
"This is MintMask. And this one-" She moved her paw to
the smallest of the litter. "-Is LilyPad."
The gray cub with green toes and pink legs squeaked
as her mother touched her back. ColeHeart sniffed the
pups. "They are beautiful!" She breathed.
MorningStar yawned. "And they tire me out."
ColeHeart let out a growl of laughter. "Really?
They can't be to much trouble at this age, can they?"
"You'd be surprised." MorningStar meowed as
she began to wash MintMask's face. ColeHeart
remembered what it felt like when she was a pup.
Laying in a warm nest by her mothers side, food
not far away. ColeHeart's ear twisted back as she
heard someone calling her name. "I have to go,"
MorningStar nodded. "Thank you for coming to
meet my cubs." ColeHeart turned and padded
out of the nursery, calling over her shoulder.
"Thank you for introducing me to them!"
ColeHeart looked around the clearing for a
moment, wondering who had called her. She
then gazed up at the rock that rose from the
ground outside the leaders den and saw
WhisperingWind crouched at the top, looking
down towards her. "Did you call me?"
"Yes, I did." WhisperingWind rose to his feet.
"Come to my den, I have something to tell you."
ColeHeart shrugged and followed her leader. All
was dark for a moment as she entered the den,
but when ColeHeart arrived in the center sunlight
shone through a hole that was in roof. That must
be the reason why the leaders den is here,
Glancing at the floor she spotted a second hole.
And that explains why the StarSpeaker’s den is
where it is. She guessed it must be so it was
easier for the StarSpeaker and the Leader to speak
to the Stars. Her gaze slipped to Whispering Wind,
who was sitting to the side of the hole in the floor.
Dipping her head, ColeHeart padded forward a little
and sat down. "What is it you wish to tell me?"
ColeHeart tried to stay calm even though her heart
was beating so fast and so hard it felt like it would
burst out of her chest.
WhisperingWind studied her for a moment, gazing
into her amber eyes. "You are now seventeen moons
old, yes?" WhisperingWind waved his large tail around.
ColeHeart drew in a breath and replied. "Yes, I am."
WhisperingWind was nodding thoughtfully. "And what
battle have you recently been taught?" The cat-dragon
leaped ahead. ColeHeart realized she was supposed
to attack him. Leaping onto his shoulders, the black
she-wolf bit into his scruff and, while standing on her
hind legs, pulled back hard, flipping the silver-furred
leader onto his back while she was standing a little
ways away. WhisperingWind pushed himself up,
panting. "Your training is coming along well, judging
by how you handled that move." He meowed proudly.
ColeHeart shook herself, throwing off the dirt that
clung to her fur after her tussle with WhisperWing.
"You have one more battle move left in your training,
and after that, your moving to the StarFighter’s den."
ColeHeart was trembling excitedly, she had just
returned from her final battle training, and her mentor
was discussing her training with WhisperingWind.
She stared towards the entrance of the leaders den,
waiting for some movement. Finally, the shrubs
quivered and WhisperingWind padded out. ColeHeart
watched as he leaped gracefully up to the top of the
stone. ColeHeart's mentor came out a couple of
heartbeats later. "Pack of Curumbasa, I ask you
to come sit beneath the stone!" WhisperingWing
let out the familiar summon. Slowly, the Pack
emerged from their dens. First to arrive was the
StarSpeaker, and then her mother and father.
Soon the clearing was crowded.
ColeHeart caught her parents proud gaze and
smiled. Shuffling her weight from one paw to the
other, she waited patiently as the last of the Pack
came to the clearing. WhisperingWind stood at the
very edge of the stone. "ColeHeart, come forward."
ColeHeart walked up to the edge of the stone, her
legs shaking with excitement. She glanced up to
the sky and prayed she wouldn't mess anything up
at her ceremony. WhisperWind swung his head
around to face ColeHeart. "ColeHeart," He meowed.
"You have now completed your training and will are
ready to carry the title of a StarFighter. From now
until you retire from your duties, you will be sleeping
in the StarFighter’s den," WhisperingWind paused for
a moment and ColeHeart realized she was supposed
to be dipping her head. Slowly, she lowered her head,
heart pounding. WhisperingWind smiled and meowed.
"May the Stars watch over you for many seasons to
come, and may they protect you for the rest of your life."
A cry of joy filled the air. ColeHeart leaped off the side
of the rock, her Packmates coming to congratulate her.
"I almost messed that up." ColeHeart barked shakily.
CloudFoot, ColeHeart's mother, pushed her muzzle into
her daughters fur and then licked her cheek joyfully.
"Its alright, you did fine." She barked in between licks.
ColeHeart's father was the next to come up and
congratulate her. ColeHeart leaned on her father,
half of her face disappearing in his thick golden fur.
FlameStar licked the black wolf's head affectionately.
"Now I can't wait to get a StarTrainer!" ColeHeart
barked jokingly. She could wait, she wanted to have
a few moons that had nothing to do with training.
FlameStar jerked his golden head in the direction
of the prey storage. "Come, you must be hungry."
ColeHeart nodded, licking her lips at the thought
of sinking her teeth into a juicy rabbit. She trotted
over and sat beside her father. She pulled out a
couple pieces of prey until she found a rabbit.
ColeHeart grabbed the neck of the rabbit firmly
in her jaws and pulled it out of the pile. Her father
had gotten a large bird that ColeHeart had never
seen. "What is that?" She asked, poking the weird
brown and black bird with her claw. FlameStar
shrugged. "I caught it out on an Island Hunting
Patrol this morning. I didn't recognize the scent
either, so I'm guessing it came from the other side
of the island somewhere." The golden wolf barked,
twitching his black ear. ColeHeart looked at the
bird for a moment longer and then began to pull
the fur from her rabbit. As she bit into it, her
mouth watered with satisfaction.
"So, was there anything in particular you wanted
to talk to me about...?" She asked her father after
a moment of silence. When FlameStar turned to
place his amber gaze on his black-furred daughter,
his eyes were shining . ColeHeart suddenly stopped
licking at her rabbit, her tongue sticking out. "What?"
She asked, tipping her head to one side. FlameStar
let out sigh of happiness. "Your mother is pregnant."
ColeHeart was thrilled that her mother was going to
have more pups, but for some reason she thought
there was something bad about this.
"ColeHeart, what’s the matter?" FlameStar asked
worriedly. ColeHeart shook her head to clear it,
pushing the bad thought to the back of her mind.
"Its nothing..." She barked, taking a bit out of the
rabbits flank. FlameStar was silent, nodding slowly
in thought. Rising to his paws, he walked to the nursery
without saying a word. ColeHeart didn't feel much like
eating anymore, so she pushed the rabbit to the side
and stood up, heading to the small river that ran through
the camp. She lowered her head and lapped up the
crystal-clear water. She laid down at the side of the
river and tucked her muzzle under her paws. Was her
father angry with her or did he just have something else
on his mind? ColeHeart started thinking about the feeling
she had had when her father told hr that her mother was
pregnant. Was her mother in danger? The unborn pups
maybe? Or was it something to do with her father, FlameStar?
The questions ran through her mind as she tried to fall
asleep. Closing her amber eyes, she slipped into the
darkness of sleep.
ColeHeart woke with a start as she felt something
poking into her side. She lifted her head and glared
angrily. Turning her head around she saw that it was
ShimmerPad, one of the oldest StarFighters, prodding
her on the side with one large paw. "Yes, what is it?"
ColeHeart growled. ShimmerPad sat down and meowed.
"Island Hunting Patrol, are you coming?"
ColeHeart looked up at the sky to see that the sun
had barely moved. She obviously hadn't slept for long.
She decided to try and cheer up, this was
her first Island Hunting Patrol as a StarFighter,
so she wasn't being taught how to hunt anymore.
She was happy that a voice wouldn't be somewhere
in the background telling her how to hunt right.
"I'm ready when you are." She barked. ShimmerPad
nodded and went to tell the rest of the hunting group
that she had gathered. The Island Hunting Patrol was
made up of ShimmerPad, DawnFlight, GaleStorm and
ColeHeart. ColeHeart guessed GaleStorm hadn't been
punished for trying to fly off the SkyRock, considering
he was on the patrol. Amber eyes glittering happily,
ColeHeart prranced over to the group, waving her tail
in greeting. ShimmerPad had just come back from
talking with WhisperWind. "Alright, so we are going
to be hunting along the river today." She meowed.
"Why not by the SkyRock?" DawnFlight asked.
"Because we don't want to have another accident."
ShimmerPad's eyes flicked to GaleStorm. The young
griffin narrowed his eyes angrily. DawnFlight nodded
in understanding. "Alright, if everyone is done talking,
we have a hunt to get on with." ShimmerPad padded
into the Stone Tunnel and waited on the other side
for the rest of the Island Hunting Patrol to follow.
ColeHeart moved in slowly on a deer. Glancing
across the clearing she saw the muscular golden
body of ShimmerPad, who was coming up behind
the deer. ColeHeart repeated the plan over and over
in her head. ShimmerPad would run after the deer
first, if it ran forward ColeHeart would leap at it. If it
ran to either side, GaleStorm or DawnFlight would
attack it. ColeHeart had agreed, seeing as it was
a good plan to catch a deer. She knew how fast
they could run and they were unpredictable as to
which way they would flee.
ColeHeart watched as ShimmerPad put one large
golden paw in front of the other, slipping through
the tall grass silently. The deer’s ears twisted back
as ShimmerPad stepped on a twig. ColeHeart held
her breath, waiting to see what would happen.
Soon enough, the deer went back to eating grass
and ColeHeart gave a sigh of relief. ShimmerPad
began to pad forward again, this time her eyes kept
flicking to the ground in front of her to make sure
there were no more twigs. ShimmerPad leaped out
from her grassy hiding place, she had gotten so close
to the deer that in one leap she could sink her claws
into the deer’s hindquarters. ColeHeart jumped forward
and dug her claws into the deer’s shoulders. ColeHeart
growled in frustration, every time she tried to bite into
the deer’s neck it kicked and swung its head around,
fighting as hard as it could to live. GaleStorm flew out
from the tree he was in and DawnFlight pelted into the
small clearing. the deer was tired, ColeHeart could tell
as she felt it swaying back and forth under the weight
of the while hunting group.
ColeHeart spotted her chance and she dove in,
sinking her large white teeth into the deer’s neck. The
deer looked around wildly before hitting the ground with a
loud thump. ColeHeart opened her jaws and released her
grip on the deer. ShimmerPad lay down, resting against
the deer’s brown-furred flank.
"That was harder than I thought it'd be." She panted.
"Its going to take a while to get it back to the camp. . .
and we haven't been out very long, so we should keep
hunting. But look for prey that will fit in your bag."
ColeHeart nodded at that, if they tried to take down
another deer they'd have to come back into the forest
to get it.
ColeHeart rose to her paws, after a little rest
she felt as energetic as she was when they had left.
"Anyone ready to start hunting again?" She asked.
ShimmerPad stood up, she still looked a little tired
but she still nodded. GaleStorm and DawnFlight were
the next to get up. "We have to cover the deer first or
some other creature might come and take it away."
ShimmerPad meowed. Biting into the back of the
Deer’s head, she started to pull it towards a bush.
After they had hidden the deer the Island Hunting
Patrol moved on further down the stream. ColeHeart
padded to the edge of stream and gazed into the
shining water. "We should try to catch some fish."
She suggested, glancing over her shoulder.
ShimmerPad looked at the stream for a moment
and then replied. "Okay, but your carrying them,
I don't want my prey bag smelling like fish."
GaleStorm came to stand at ColeHeart's side with
his foot in the air, ready to strike down and kill a fish
as it passed. ColeHeart had her muzzle close to the
water, using her own fish catching technique.
ColeHeart saw a shimmer in the water, she guessed
that GaleStorm saw it to. He scooped up the fish,
killing it was a kick from his hind paw.
"How many are we going to catch?" GaleStorm asked.
ColeHeart shrugged. "As many as we can, I guess."
-----------------
INFORMATION
Leaders den--Further into the den, shrubs grow, covering the entrance but can be pushed through. In the roof of the
den is a hole where the moonlight can shine through. There is also a hole in the floor which lets moonlight shine into the
StarSpeaker's Den. Nest is made of moss, feathers and grass.
StarSpeakers den--Brambles overhang the entrance further in. The den goes underground. A hole in the roof lets
moonlight shine through. Nests are made of fur, feathers, moss and dried grass.
StarFighters' den--Ivy hangs down further inside the den. Nests are made of moss, grass and feathers.
StarTrainers' den--Heather makes a wall further inside that can easily be pushed through. Nests are made of moss and feathers.
Nursery and Elders den--A stone seperates the underground dens. Nests are made of pulled out fur, feathers and moss.
SunStone--A stone covered in crystals that shines in the sunlight.
SkyRock--A small mountain on the edge of the island.
Ancient Stream--A stream which leads to the ocean that surrounds the island.
Ancient Oak--A giant oak that has been on the island since the beginning of the Pack.
Lunar Garden--A gathering place. A giant, luminescent mushroom stands in the clearing with many smaller mushrooms on either side of it.
Gorge--A large hole in the ground, it now has a stream running through it. If a creature were to fall into the gorge, they would die or be paralyzed, if they didn't land on one of the ledges that stick out.
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Leader--The leader of the Pack. Does not carry the title of "Star"
StarFighter--A fighter, a protector and a hunter.
StarTrainer--A young creature training to be a StarFighter or StarSpeaker.
StarSpeaker--A healer who uses herbs and magic to heal. Uses magic for other purposes as well.
Elders--Elderly creatures that can no longer fight or hunt.
NurseryMoth--The mother of a kit, cub, pup or hatchling.
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Curumbasa--The largest of the three islands. A large, lush green island inhabitated by a large pack of creatures.
Sisumebasa--The smallest of the islands. Believed to be inhabitated by a small amount of creatures. The land is covered by mountains & waterfalls and a few forests.
Himunbasa--A snowy island. Very few creatures live here.
Gender:
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