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A.O. Avalon
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 Posted: Fri Sep 09, 2005 4:47 pm Post subject: AO's triumphant, but untitled, return |
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[pre]
Mona was pinning up her hair this morning
and counting every minute of seven years
She looked in the mirror
and saw a face
Which didn't look like it used to
but was still her
The lotion he gave her
eeked its smell up from her hands
The sweet scent of gardenias
Reminded her of George rubbing her back
while she pinned up her hair
seven years ago.
"It Has Been A Lifetime"
she thought
And she went downstairs
To make her son chocolate-chip pancakes
as they are celebrating his birthday.
[/pre] |
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emotion_less
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| Posted: Fri Sep 09, 2005 10:03 pm Post subject: |
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What was the 'pre' supposed to do? Just wondering...
I liked it. It's one of those things that made me think, 'Oh, I get it!' at the end. Sweet, light, and somewhat short. |
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A.O. Avalon
Senior Writer
Gender:
Age: 23
Joined: 30 Nov 2004
Posts: 119
Reviews: 72
Country: Mt. Vernon, Eye-oh-way
300 Points
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| Posted: Sat Sep 10, 2005 8:35 pm Post subject: |
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It's a formatting thing, so I wouldn't loose the space between the stanzas, but I don't know why it showed up in my post. Oh well.
thanks... I'm not the most lengthy poet because I'm not the best poet around, by any means, which I hide by being to the point.  |
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"El sueño de la razon produce monstrisos"
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electricbluemonkey
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| Posted: Sat Sep 10, 2005 8:41 pm Post subject: |
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First of all...you're back!
Secondly. That was well done. The choice of words you used were great, and it told a great short story. |
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antigone
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| Posted: Sun Sep 11, 2005 1:34 am Post subject: |
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| I liked it. It's simple and sweet but somehow it seems like the simpleness is deceptive and it's actually way to deep for me to get. But anyway, I liked it. The first and last stanzas were my favorites. |
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Siempre, siempre: jardin de mi agonia,
tu cuerpo fugitivo para siempre,
la sangre de tus venas en mi boca,
tu boca ya sin luz para mi muerte.
-From 'Del amor imprevisto', Federico Garcia Lorca |
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