Young Writers Society

Slowly, the sun surrenders
To a diamond-studded sky.
You give me one last kiss
Before we say good bye.

tickling our feet that are bare.

break~my~heart wrote:The silky green grass
begins to shimmer
under a light
that's growing dimmer.

We lie on our backs(no comma)
and gaze at the sun,
hands intertwined.
(t)he day is nearly done. <--- I think you should change "nearly" to "almost" since it sounds more fitting.

The summer breeze dancing
through our hair,
'round our close bodies,
tickling our feet that are bare. <--- instead of using the word "that" which is really simple and doesn't create an image, perhaps adding "lay" or something along the lines of that.

Slowly, the sun surrenders
to a diamond-studded sky.
You give me one last kiss
before we say good bye. <---we to you?

Our lips linger,
(o)ur hearts transcending,
softly, you whisper,
"Our love is never ending."

You know, you are really good at rhyming when it comes to poems? I love that about your poems. You always seem to know how to set up your rhyme scheme and pull through without the rhyme eating up the meaning of your poem.

I fixed a few things and I don't think I need to justify again. I tried changing some of the words so it sounded better and smoother.

Your overall is fabulous yet again. Remember to be confident with your writing, because you definitely have the right with poems like these