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Lyrria; The Beginning- The Dream
Lyrria; The Beginning- The Dream

by Cat_910 in Fantasy Fiction
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Dramatic Poetry

This thread was created on August 10, 2005
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Elegy in Reverse: for Nick
On Trust & Nick

for Nick, 'Tendrils of Gaze' (needs work...)

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Incandescence   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 10, 2005 7:46 am    Post subject: for Nick, 'Tendrils of Gaze' (needs work...) Reply with quote

You are so very fragile that I feel forced

to suffocate you in bubblewrap and enclose you

in a cardboard box (this side up) and send

you (my poetry) through UPS, addressed to me.



Your small but keen insights make my calloused existence

softer, somehow less threatening; cold days in spring, when 

the sun is out but the air still nips is what you remind me of.

you don't even have to say anything, just the tip 

of your hat or the wisp of a smile in your eyes 

as you briskly step down the sidewalk

makes me feel secure.



And before you go home to a dark, empty apartment,

I want to kiss you goodbye, stop the tears in your eyes,

from the holes in your life that you've hardly

patched over.



And last night, between cooking dinner and calling a friend,

I prayed that your marshmallow skeleton

would never melt away to the harsh fires of the world..

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Last edited by Incandescence on Wed Aug 10, 2005 7:59 am; edited 1 time in total
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 10, 2005 7:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

You are so very fragile that I feel forced
to suffocate you in bubblewrap and enclose you
in a cardboard box (this side up) and send
you (my poetry) through UPS, addressed to me.

tsk tsk tsk Razz naughty little you
poor mail man

nice work you sack of brad

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Incandescence   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 10, 2005 8:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Is this too short, too sympathetic, or just bad all around? I can't decide.
Nick's picture is on my blog.

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PostPosted: Wed Aug 10, 2005 8:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

not too short, not too sympathetic and not bad.
And I saw his pic.

happy now?

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Incandescence   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 10, 2005 9:35 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yes, I am.

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axis of evil, BRB
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PostPosted: Thu Aug 11, 2005 1:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The last stanza made me laugh...marshmallow...hehe. Maybe something like 'wax'? I'm not sure. The marshmallow makes it sound très stupid.

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PostPosted: Thu Aug 11, 2005 1:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Eh... It was kind of sappy... I know, I shouldn't be one to talk about sappiness... Lovely, I guess I can say, yet it made me laugh throughout... but it's not bad or short.
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science, again.
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PostPosted: Thu Aug 11, 2005 2:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

hm...who is this Nick...

*goes to brads blog*

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This thread was created on August 10, 2005

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