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Young Writers Society Forum Index » Dramatic Poetry

This thread was created on August 6, 2005
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Spectacle

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Incandescence   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 07, 2005 1:26 am    Post subject: Spectacle Reply with quote

If darkness is only

holes in the light, if

science is only the

hyphenated ego,

if cold is only the absence

of heat, if memories are

only mnemic residue,

if our mind is a group

of neurons moving, if...



Why don't we break it on down,

and watch the atoms happily smash in

razzles of chaos, as their walls crumble

and their nuclei fuse, we could

sip tea from our cute powerpuffgirl plastic glasses

until the pitcher is gone, or we could...



Keep asking questions, keep planning to do things this summer

(oh, that's not good for you, what about the fall?) and your plans

will crumble like the atomic walls; the questions will pile up over the years anyway,

so take it slow, so take it easy,

and learn that in the aftermath of wet, crumpled letters,

you can still manage a smile.

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PostPosted: Sun Aug 07, 2005 5:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think this may be a new favorite of mine. I really like the way the stanzas interrupt each other and flow into each other at the same time. Very cool effect. I love it.

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Liz   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 07, 2005 8:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah, I like the trailing-off style. This one's nice. I think the third stanza starts a little awkwardly, but apart from that it's great.

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Sam   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 07, 2005 7:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

'Why don't we break it on down,
and watch the atoms happily smash in
razzles of chaos, as their walls crumble
and their nuclei fuse, we could
sip tea from our cute powerpuffgirl plastic glasses
until the pitcher is gone, or we could... '

That's awesome. Reminds me of a Spongebob episode...'We could play hide and seek! Or jellyfish! or watch TV! or play hide and seek while jellyfishing! or...*ballooon pops*'

Yes, that was random, but who cares.

Ooh, you know what you should do? You should capitalize the 'r' in'razzles'...'cause that's kind of what the candies do. That's also random, but it's a start. Razz

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PostPosted: Tue Aug 09, 2005 5:42 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very Happy I love that Spongebob episode (I like the randomness) Beautiful poem, the first stanza especially drew me in nicely. All the If ____ is only ____'s were playful and thought provoking at the same time, I'd be fun if you expanded and experimented with that more. I love atoms and chemistry and the universe. Even though its so much bigger than 'planning to do things this summer' it all connects and I think you did an excellent job of showing that in this poem
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This thread was created on August 6, 2005

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