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This thread was created on July 10, 2005
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resistance de freedom
Topic ID: 3736
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Firestarter
rear-admiral of the RED Site Admin

 Gender:  Age: 20 Joined: 19 Nov 2004 Posts: 6290 Reviews: 986 Country: Albion 300 Points
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Posted: Sun Jul 10, 2005 5:08 pm Post subject: resistance de freedom |
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the quiescent melancholy of summer nights drowned in sun-dried spirits,
twenty-first century suburban life marred by the ideas and thoughts
of those dying thousands of miles away.
the ancient radio exuberates with political grandiloquence,
nearby sheep fall prey to the reactionary bite of the media wolf -
they scream profanities and point the finger to all corners
of the globe (bleeding from their clawed grip.)
impervious to the intuitive eyes of those living in the underground,
below the kill zone of tabloid editorials, forever seeking a way
to overthrow the fading imperialistic governments.
desert sands blow through the polluted atmosphere,
melting vulnerable alliances and blinding those who pretend
to make the world a better place, who treat the foreign invasion
with all the subtlety of clearing litter from the high street.
cultural divisions - the sound of a scimitar clashing with the steel edge
of a bayonet, and the people will disintegrate into the catacombs and
footnotes of history books, and we'll forget who we even fought for. |
_________________ and if you promise to stay conscious
i will try and do the same
yeah, we might die from medication
but we sure killed all the pain |
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Meshugenah
kicking plot into submission Epic Novelist

 Gender:  Age: 19 Joined: 06 Dec 2004 Posts: 2865 Reviews: 345 Country: Essayville. 408 Points
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Posted: Sun Jul 10, 2005 5:34 pm Post subject: |
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impervious to the intuitive eyes of those living in the underground,
below the kill zone of tabloid editorials, forever seeking a way
to overthrow the fading imperialistic governments.
*shudder* I still have chills from that.
with all the subtlety of clearing litter from the high street.
*stares* wow.
the ancient radio exuberates with political grandiloquence,
love the image, threw me with grandiloquence (such a good word, though).
First line (and stanza) is great, and again I love the imagery. I've been staring at the last stanza now... a scimitar clashing with the steel edge/of a bayonet and disintegrate into the catacombs and/footnotes of history books I really like that, and it goes with the
start of the stanza.
The last part of the last ling I like but I don't like it. It makes sense, but I don't like it in context.. possibly becuase of the "we'll"..
Also, the fourth stanza third line "the foreign invasion" I think would be better without the "the". Am I correct in thinking this is (partly) about London, or am I just making that connection in light of recentn events? Either way, "the" makes it seem too definite, if that makes sense. |
_________________ ***Under the Responsibility of S.P.E.W.***
(Sadistic Perplexion of Everyone's Wits)
@(^_^)@ Got YWS? |
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Incandescence
If you've nothing nice to say, come sit with me. Epic Novelist

 Gender:  Age: 18 Joined: 22 Nov 2004 Posts: 3020 Reviews: 901 Country: USA 402 Points
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Posted: Sun Jul 10, 2005 9:25 pm Post subject: |
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| Pretty with false meanings. Nobody forgets who or what they fight for. You illustrated a point well, but it isn't too unique, more a banter of colors and images. |
_________________ "If I have not seen as far as others, it is because giants were standing on my shoulders." -Hal Abelson |
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| This thread was created on July 10, 2005 |
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