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by Reason Invalid in Other Fiction
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Dramatic Poetry

This thread was created on July 10, 2005
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resistance de freedom

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PostPosted: Sun Jul 10, 2005 5:08 pm    Post subject: resistance de freedom Reply with quote

the quiescent melancholy of summer nights drowned in sun-dried spirits,

twenty-first century suburban life marred by the ideas and thoughts

of those dying thousands of miles away.



the ancient radio exuberates with political grandiloquence,

nearby sheep fall prey to the reactionary bite of the media wolf -

they scream profanities and point the finger to all corners 

of the globe (bleeding from their clawed grip.)



impervious to the intuitive eyes of those living in the underground,

below the kill zone of tabloid editorials, forever seeking a way

to overthrow the fading imperialistic governments.  



desert sands blow through the polluted atmosphere,

melting vulnerable alliances and blinding those who pretend

to make the world a better place, who treat the foreign invasion

with all the subtlety of clearing litter from the high street.



cultural divisions - the sound of a scimitar clashing with the steel edge

of a bayonet, and the people will disintegrate into the catacombs and

footnotes of history books, and we'll forget who we even fought for.

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PostPosted: Sun Jul 10, 2005 5:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

impervious to the intuitive eyes of those living in the underground,
below the kill zone of tabloid editorials, forever seeking a way
to overthrow the fading imperialistic governments.

*shudder* I still have chills from that.

with all the subtlety of clearing litter from the high street.
*stares* wow.

the ancient radio exuberates with political grandiloquence,
love the image, threw me with grandiloquence (such a good word, though).

First line (and stanza) is great, and again I love the imagery. I've been staring at the last stanza now... a scimitar clashing with the steel edge/of a bayonet and disintegrate into the catacombs and/footnotes of history books I really like that, and it goes with the
start of the stanza.

The last part of the last ling I like but I don't like it. It makes sense, but I don't like it in context.. possibly becuase of the "we'll"..

Also, the fourth stanza third line "the foreign invasion" I think would be better without the "the". Am I correct in thinking this is (partly) about London, or am I just making that connection in light of recentn events? Either way, "the" makes it seem too definite, if that makes sense.

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PostPosted: Sun Jul 10, 2005 9:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Pretty with false meanings. Nobody forgets who or what they fight for. You illustrated a point well, but it isn't too unique, more a banter of colors and images.

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This thread was created on July 10, 2005

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