10/10/08
Michael,
My dearest Michael. My dear dear Michael. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know why I'm doing it. It's disgusting that the only thing I can think of saying is a worn cliche, "It's not you, it's me."
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For most people in relationships, a commitment means no playing around, ever. However, one in every five adults in a relationship, have cheated on their current partner. And nearly half of people admit to being unfaithful at some point in their lives. . .
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I'm not even sure how this happened. I don't know how I allowed this to happen. I love you. I love you because you're one of my best friends. Because you are so smart, so academically achieved. I love your smile and your beautiful eyes. I've told you that your eyes are amazing, haven't I? They're gorgeous.
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. . . We're bombarded with images of infidelity in popular culture and the news, so it's no surprise we think it's a world of callous cads and desperate housewives.
Spending years together, exchanging wedding rings, even having children doesn’t inoculate a couple against cheating. In fact, married folks with kids — including women with very young children — are nearly as likely to commit adultery as childless couples. . .
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Today is our anniversary. Three months ago today, our mutual friend dragged you over to me, and forced you to ask me out, while I stood there, cringing in embarrassment. And afterward, we hugged, and I was so happy you were mine. That I was yours.
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. . . Ironically, while we tend to overestimate cheating in society, we are often blind to it in our own lives. If your partner is cheating, chances are, you have no idea. . .
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But now. . . But now it's not the same for me. I grit my teeth as I write this. I curl my toes in displeasure. This hurts me more than anything I've ever done before. Admitting that I might not love you the same what I used to. Your touch is now that of a friend's to me. Your kisses almost brotherly.
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. . . Six in 10 cheaters believe they totally got away with their affair and another one in 10 felt their partner was suspicious, but never found out for sure. Few cheaters — only 2 percent — were busted in the act. And even when confronted with a partner's suspicions, only 6 percent of both men and women confessed to having an affair. . .
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The last time you said, "I love you too." to me was while we were watching American Pie after you had rolled me around on your couch and then on the floor. I had said it first. But I don't know if I meant it as much as I meant it the first time I said it.
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. . . Women's motives range from the need for more emotional attention (40 percent) to being reassured of their desirability (33 percent) or falling in love with someone else (20 percent).
While women tend to cheat once, guys of all ages are twice as likely to be serial offenders. . .
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I slept over that night, and got no satisfaction from you at all. In fact, I used a few tricks I had learnt from my . . . from my lover on you. Did you even notice how detatched I was as you thrust against me? Did you notice how I tried to please you with as little kisses as I could? Did you even think to return the favour of pleasure?
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It's not all about mushiness for ladies — one in five who cheated said they were looking for more satisfying sex than they were getting from their primary partner.
“I was miserable in my marriage of nine years,” writes a 28-year-old woman who ended up divorcing her husband to be with her affair partner. “My husband and I never had sex and the sex we did have was boring!”
Women are also twice as likely to use an affair to get out of a bad relationship.
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True we are still young, true that I was/am your first material girlfriend, true that our studies take away our attention from each other. But I blame you for allowing me to transfer my attentions elsewhere. Your neglect gave me room to fuck around. School holidays also gave me plenty of time to fall in love with him while you were working.
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. . . About two-thirds of cheaters say they don’t regret their actions, and 12 percent of men and 13 percent of women say they’re glad they cheated. . .
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He and I talk everyday. He pays attention to me. He loves me. He pleases me. He wants to marry me, he wants to father my children.
Michael - I told you today that this relationship wasn't going to last forever. I told you before our studies took us away from each other. I told you that I loved you, but when the year finished and our studies were complete, we'd go our seperate ways.
And you said, "At least we have two more months."
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. . . More than three-quarters of participants say they are too much in love to be unfaithful and 68 percent don't want to risk losing their partner. Love of one's partner was also one of the main reasons why people stopped cheating (20 percent). . .
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I don't think you understood me. I don't think you got the message. I don't. . . Michael - I want this to be over. I want to be with my lover. I'm only staying with you to keep you happy. Because I'm trying not to be selfish. I'm trying to give you as much of me as I can before I say goodbye forever.
But you don't understand.
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. . . The worst-case scenario for reconciliation involves people who cheat for selfish reasons. Although they may justify their actions with psychobabble, habitual cheaters will emotionally destroy many partners. . .
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I love him, not you. I want to be with him, not you. It's not me, it's you. . .
Ah screw it. We're only 17.
Fondest regards,
Jadyn.
