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Kisses in the Rain, Sunsets on the Water
Kisses in the Rain, Sunsets on the Water
by guitargrl1323 in Lyric Poetry
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Fanfiction

This thread was created on October 11, 2008
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Screw Being A Hero

Topic ID: 37118
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laura claridge   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Sat Oct 11, 2008 7:10 am    Post subject: Screw Being A Hero Reply with quote

I’m big and strong,

Rough and tuff.

I still don’t get how a hood like me

Could lose it over a kid like you.

    Your eyes reveal your innocence

    But you’re not as broken as you may seem.

    A blade is still a blade

    Even when kept out of fear.

Blood and bruises.

Cuts and scrapes.

Nobody would’ve thought fire would be your way to go.

    Screw being a hero;

    I should’ve been the first to go

    Screw being a hero;

    A hail of bullets : an unforgettable show

    Screw being a hero;

    You should’ve let those kids burn

    Screw being a hero;

    Dammit, Johnny, it wasn’t your turn.

I’m meant to be big and strong,

Rough and tuff.

I’m meant to be a hardass.

A hood.

A criminal.

But somehow I followed you to the grave.

Somehow I still lost it over a kid like you.

_________________
"Hate to tell you this buddy, but you have to wear clothes to work. There's a law or something." -Steve talking to Sodapop

"Don't you know a rumble ain't a rumble without me?" -Dally
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Nutty   View This User's Portfolio
The Red Dragon Druid
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PostPosted: Sat Oct 11, 2008 10:35 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
Ah, poor Dallas. Though, I don't think he was the type to write a poem lol!
Anyway, I liked it. Not that that counts for much.... I'm useless at poetry... ><
Or is it a song? Hmmm... though the rhythm seemed to change... was that intentional?

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"Please never have a character laugh mischievously, or cry sadly, or I shall have to hit you with a wet fish." -Brigid Lowry

Need a review?- http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic37478.html
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laura claridge   View This User's Portfolio
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Age: 16
Joined: 06 May 2008
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222 Points
PostPosted: Sun Oct 12, 2008 6:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
Quote:
Though, I don't think he was the type to write a poem lol!

Lol no, he's probably not... maybe he was drunk?? Though I do think he was dead at the end of it...
Quote:
Or is it a song? Hmmm... though the rhythm seemed to change... was that intentional?

I don't think it was meant to be a song... Yeah, the rhyming change was intentional. I like poems that rhyme, but not always. so i tried it. How did it go??

_________________
"Hate to tell you this buddy, but you have to wear clothes to work. There's a law or something." -Steve talking to Sodapop

"Don't you know a rumble ain't a rumble without me?" -Dally
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POTAFan1973   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Wed Oct 15, 2008 4:34 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
I liked it. Having read the book and watched the movie it seems very much like what Dallas would've wrote. Maybe he got to thinking about what Johnny would've wanted him to do. He was dead at the end of it. He robbed a store so the police could shoot him because Johnny dying made Dallas lose the will to live. Johnny was the only person Dallas ever really felt any feelings for. I mean he thought of the Greasers as his brothers but Johnny was different.
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laura claridge   View This User's Portfolio
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Age: 16
Joined: 06 May 2008
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Reviews: 28
Country: New Zealand
222 Points
PostPosted: Wed Oct 15, 2008 6:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
POTAFan1973, thanks so much for the comment. I'm really glad that it was in character.

_________________
"Hate to tell you this buddy, but you have to wear clothes to work. There's a law or something." -Steve talking to Sodapop

"Don't you know a rumble ain't a rumble without me?" -Dally
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Cheshire-Writer   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 24, 2008 10:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
I liked this poem. I didn't get your ryhme scheme but I think you caught Dallys character very well. I'm a big fan of S.E.Hinton and know The Outsiders by heart. (Although at can't recite page from page)

Dally commited what's call suicide by cop. Johnnys death caused Dally to have a extreme mental break down.

You captured the moment well I say continue writing. Smile
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laura claridge   View This User's Portfolio
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Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 16
Joined: 06 May 2008
Posts: 88
Reviews: 28
Country: New Zealand
222 Points
PostPosted: Sat Oct 25, 2008 2:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
Cheshire-Writer, thanks so much for the comment. It made my day.

I just got my own copy of the book two hours ago ^___^

I'm thinking of a chaptered outsiders fic, if you want to keep an eye out for it.

_________________
"Hate to tell you this buddy, but you have to wear clothes to work. There's a law or something." -Steve talking to Sodapop

"Don't you know a rumble ain't a rumble without me?" -Dally
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This thread was created on October 11, 2008

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