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This thread was created on October 9, 2008
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what is lost and cannot be found; you gave up searching.
Topic ID: 37057
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Cjean
Novice
Gender: 
Age: 17
Joined: 09 Oct 2008
Posts: 10
Reviews: 1
300 Points
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 Posted: Fri Oct 10, 2008 12:40 am Post subject: what is lost and cannot be found; you gave up searching. |
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i found you in your attic
looking through the old boxes of photos
dust floating in a single crack of sunlight
"this place reeks..."
i broke the silence
"it's the smell of antiques"
"antiques have a smell?"
trying to find your sense of humor
"after they're abandoned and go to hell."
you gave up on searching
and for the first time you seemed
to give me your undivided attention
"are we antique?"
i saw that quick squint in your eyes
and i saw when you realized
what i meant
you parted your lips but nothing came out
you gave up searching; but i've found the doubt
that we will never be new again |
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playerj09
Writer
Gender: 
Age: 16
Joined: 02 Oct 2008
Posts: 71
Reviews: 26
Country: United States
200 Points
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| Posted: Fri Oct 10, 2008 1:44 am Post subject: |
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| Wow this was pretty good I usually don't enjoy much poetry but you kinda tell a story a very vague and general story but a story none the less.I am still putting the pieces together to find its real meaning but it will come to me eventually. Pm me when you put more stuff up. |
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The Killers are the pie and I guess [my] looks are the cherry.” - Brandon Flowers |
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StolenHearts.
Senior Writer
Gender:
Age: 13
Joined: 06 Sep 2008
Posts: 125
Reviews: 25
Country: Oahu
300 Points
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| Posted: Fri Oct 10, 2008 3:18 am Post subject: |
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Hello there,
I really liked how well this flowed and the plot of it. Very genuine I found no errors in it but, then again I'm not one to see errors i look at the heart of the story/poem. I enjoyed reading this and look forward to reading more of your pieces. But for future reference you must review two pieces before submitting an entry otherwise you'll lose points ;]
| Quote: |
"antiques have a smell?"
trying to find your sense of humor
"after they're abandoned and go to hell." |
I loved this part, it rhymed and was really intriguing
Well ta ta for now, Hope you like this amazing site so far.
With all due respect,
Mackenzie |
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Breath.beat, beat.
blink. breath.
beat. blink, blink.
gone. |
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adriangarcia
Senior Writer
Gender:
Age: 18
Joined: 21 Nov 2007
Posts: 104
Reviews: 70
Country: United States of America
300 Points
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| Posted: Fri Oct 10, 2008 3:51 am Post subject: |
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This poem actually made sense. So, you've at least done something that most people have trouble doing!
However, please, add grammar!
EDIT!
-Adrian |
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Cjean
Novice
Gender:
Age: 17
Joined: 09 Oct 2008
Posts: 10
Reviews: 1
300 Points
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| Posted: Fri Oct 10, 2008 9:39 pm Post subject: |
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thank you stolenhearts! i didn't know i had to review 2 pieces before submitting one, i'll do that from now on.
and thank you adrian, thats my favorite name. but no, i don't like grammar...i don't like capitalizing my letters unless i want it to be capitalized. |
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| This thread was created on October 9, 2008 |
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