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by Medusa in Romantic Fiction
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Fantasy Fiction

This thread was created on October 9, 2008
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Iriad
Iriad (part 2)
Iriad (part 3)
Iriad (Part 4)
Iriad (part 5)
Iriad (part 6)
Iriad (part 7)
Iriad (part 8)
Iriad (part 9)
Iriad (Talya)
Iriad (Prologue)
Iriad 9

Iriad (part 10)

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SishBee   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 6:26 pm    Post subject: Iriad (part 10) Reply with quote

NB: Arrow was known as Silve/Silvesco in the previous post.

He was perhaps the un-worldliest creature I had ever met. Everything I told him seemed to be met with surprise.

The sun had almost set now, and I had realised that we were going to have to make camp.

“We’ll stop here for the night.”

“Why here?” He asked looking around as I dropped my pack on the ground

“Well, it’s away from the road and it is sheltered. There is an old keep a small walk away from here, but it is dark and if there is anyone or anything already in there then we wouldn’t be near any other good sites.”

He frowned. “Can you fit a tent in that pack?”

I shrugged, “If I wanted to, but we will be sleeping out. I will start up a fire and you dig a small hole over there.”

“Why?”

“Do I have to explain the point of a toilet to you?”

“No, I know that. I meant why do we have to sleep on the ground?”

“Well, I don’t have a tent with me and the trees are too high for me to climb.”

He looked at me like I was stupid. “I have wings you know.”

“No, really? Where?”

“Ha ha. I can fly us up there, and I could build a makeshift nest fairly quickly.”

I studied him for a moment. He did look quite uncomfortable on the ground and it would be much safer up in the trees.

“Fine. Fly me up there and I will collect all of your materials for you.”

“Ok.” He seemed quite eager and willing to please and took a step forward. “You have to stand on my feet though. I am strong enough to hold you up for a short while without a vine.”

“A vine?” Now if was my turn to ask the questions.

He nodded. “If I am flying a long way, you could stand on my feet and then I would tie you to me with a vine, so you didn’t fall.”

“Oh right.” I paused and then asked if I should take my pack up with me or if he would come back for it. He replied that he would come back for it.

Then there was an awkward silence until I stepped forward and stood on his feet. I wasn’t quite sure what to do with my arms so I gingerly put my arms around his bare waist. He jumped at the unexpected contact and then muttered that I could put my hands behind the joints of his wings.

With one powerful wing beat we lifted off the floor and up into the trees. I grasped him tightly as the ground seemed to drop away, but I felt safe so I relaxed a little. He landed gracefully onto a large bough and I let go and stepped off his feet.

“Wow. That was an experience I will never forget. I think my stomach was somewhere in my boots!”

He grinned slightly sheepishly. “Do you want me to get your pack now?”

“Yes please, by the way, what do you use to make a nest?”

“Mostly thick sticks and branches really, I would normally pad it with leaves to make it waterproof and more comfortable, but I don’t have enough time to collect them.” He said this while hovering just off the branch. I nodded and he dropped back down to the ground to get my pack.

I lifted both hands and cast them downwards quickly. There was a loud rustling noise as hundreds of leaves and a selection of sticks and branches were tucked into the V of the trunk.

“I’ve bought your pack… How did you do that?” He stared open mouthed at my collection.

“My power, remember?”

“That is amazing; they are all perfect. Thank you.”

I smiled back at him. “No problem at all.”

He looked away and blushed a little before flying over to the pile and busying himself with sorting them into a nest. For a moment, it looked to me as though he was just picking up random pieces of wood and flinging them onto the bough I was stood on. But gradually, they began to take the shape of a kind of bowl. I stared in wonder at this strange phenomenon and watched as the structure, which was now taller than me, seemed to glow with a ghostly light before growing roots and anchoring itself to the bough. Fin appeared above it with his arms full of leaves and then dived into it.

After a moment or two, he appeared again and flew out of the nest over to me.

“How do I get in?” I asked as he stared at me waiting for some kind of comment on his work.

“Oh, well, I have to fly you in.”

I didn’t bother to answer; instead I walked over to him and stood on his boots with my arms behind his back. This time, he put his arms around my waist and flew up over the nest. The top of it was flat with a small hole in the top. We descended through this hole and landed on the soft carpet of leaves inside. I was so stunned by the sight that I stayed frozen to him for a moment.

“It’s amazing.” The inside of the nest was covered in leaves. We stood there for a moment and then I realized that I was still standing on his feet and we both still had our arms around each other. I stepped off his feet onto the spongy, leafy floor.

Fin bent down and muttered something whilst putting his palms out as though he was warming them. A small spark flew off each palm and the two met just above the floor where they formed a floating fire.

Then, he flew out of the hole at the top and came back with my pack. He passed it to me, and then took off his quiver and his boots.

~SishBee~

x


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Trikky   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Sat Nov 08, 2008 8:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Looks good, but I think it could use more description to round out the paragraphs. It'll just make everything more readable, but the story itself was interesting and I liked the character interactions. ^^
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PostPosted: Sat Nov 08, 2008 3:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very original story idea, I like it. I didn't see many grammar mistakes so great job in that area. You should probably put some details in the story. What did the people look like, although if you have explained this in the previous sections then ignore that comment. I think that because I found this so interesting I'll actually go read your other posts on this story. So goof job, I hope that you continue, because when I get caught up, I'd like to read it. So great job, good luck, and keep writing.

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This thread was created on October 9, 2008

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