Topic ID: 37035
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Princess
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 Posted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 4:14 pm Post subject: Love and Bubblegum. |
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Love and Bubblegum
Love is like choosing bubblegum
while wearing a blindfold.
Some will be sour,
and some will be sweet.
He might betray you
or he might enchant you.
He might be devious and mischievous
or just plain him.
But you love him anyway.
Love might add salt to old wounds,
or it might lead you into bliss.
Whatever you go through,
no matter the problem,
the bubble you two will make
will be the sweetest thing in the world.
That bubble will protect you
and keep you together
until the end of time. |
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Last edited by Princess on Fri Oct 10, 2008 9:24 pm; edited 3 times in total |
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olivia1987uk
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| Posted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 4:32 pm Post subject: |
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Hey EmmaSweetie...
I think the child in me went to click on the title! Love it! Hehe!
I have slight problem with the wording in the first line...
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Love is like picking out bubblegum
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This reminded me of like, someone getting bubblegum stuck in their hair....god knows why, think it's just the wording...try Love is like picking some bubblegum
And here....
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He might be planning and mischievous
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I don't like the use of "planning"...perhaps change it to something like "devious"
Other than that I thought it was a sound idea...so well done young lady! 
Hope you like my review and you can PM me anytime if you wish ti discuss this further...I won't bite! |
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xGraceex
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| Posted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 5:16 pm Post subject: :P |
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I really liked it, though i kinda agreed with the person above - on the first line i thought it meant picking bubblegum out of your hair! lol
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He might betray you
or he might enchant you.
He might be planning and mischievous
or just plain him.
But you love him anyway. |
I love the word enchant in the second line, but i had to read the fourth ine a few times to get what it means, i dont think it flowed as well as the rest for some reason... though i cant put my finger on why lol
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Love might add salt to old wounds,
or it might lead you into bliss.
Whatever you go through,
to matter the problem,
you will always be together.
Always. |
This is good, i really liked your descriptions of love and bliss and eternity - keep it up! lol  |
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luv2write42
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| Posted: Fri Oct 10, 2008 1:28 am Post subject: |
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Bubblegum!! Haha I love it. I'd never compared love with bubblegum before; that's very creative.
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Whatever you go through,
to matter the problem,
you will always be together.
Always. |
Did you mean "no matter the problem"? The "to" doesn't really make sense.
Anyway, I love the ending, especially the "Always." It's so sweet.  |
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adriangarcia
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| Posted: Fri Oct 10, 2008 2:42 am Post subject: Re: Love and Bubblegum. |
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| EmmaSweetie100 wrote: |
Love and Bubblegum
Love is like choosing bubblegum
while wearing a blindfold.
Some will be sour,
and some will be sweet.
He might betray you
or he might enchant you.
He might be devious and mischievous
or just plain him.
But you love him anyway.
Love might add salt to old wounds,
or it might lead you into bliss.
Whatever you go through,
to matter the problem,
you will always be together.
Always. |
I really thought this was a sweet poem, however, it was less about bubblegum and more about love. And, after all, the title does say "Love and Bubblegum." Maybe it's just me, but I'd like more bubblegum!
It was cute for what it was worth.  |
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esteria
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| Posted: Fri Oct 10, 2008 6:40 pm Post subject: Re: Love and Bubblegum. |
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| EmmaSweetie100 wrote: |
Love and Bubblegum
Love is like choosing bubblegum
while wearing a blindfold.
Some will be sour,
and some will be sweet.
He might betray you
or he might enchant you.
He might be devious and mischievous
or just plain him.
But you love him anyway.
Love might add salt to old wounds,
or it might lead you into bliss.
Whatever you go through,
to matter the problem,
you will always be together.
Always. |
i love the title it's quite interesting and i had never heard anyone compare love to choosing bubblegum while blindfolded before!!! and i think u meant to say 'no matter the problem' instead of 'to matter the problem' .
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justin5676
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| Posted: Sat Oct 11, 2008 6:29 pm Post subject: |
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| It just doesn't make any sense. Bubblegum is a flavor of gum. To my knowledge, bubblegum can't be sour. I've never experienced that. This poem would make more sense if it was gum instead of bubblegum. Because, if you're picking out bubblegum with a blindfold on, it's always going to taste like bubblegum. |
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Princess
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| Posted: Sat Oct 11, 2008 7:41 pm Post subject: |
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| They can flavor bubblegum... Ever hear of Double Bubble? its a type of bubble gum, but they change the flavors.. Hmm.. interesting critique, but apriciated all the same |
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imaginationgurl14
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| Posted: Sun Oct 12, 2008 4:14 am Post subject: |
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I absolutely love this! It's so sweet and it's a really creative idea. The wording is good and the rythm flows perfectly in almost every line. You do a great job of describing eternity and bliss and putting an emphasis on that. Keep on writing!
9/10 :] |
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KookieKatie
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| Posted: Mon Oct 13, 2008 3:20 pm Post subject: |
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Hey. Very cute poem, very creative and imaginative. However, I have to say it's somewhat lacking in technicality. It wouldn't be too hard to fix - time-consuming, but easy. Just basic rhythm that needs to be edited, really. Other then that, it's really a great poem - you should be proud!!
Good work, keep writing!
Katie |
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vixeyt
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| Posted: Mon Oct 13, 2008 5:09 pm Post subject: |
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It was rather cute but it didn't really do much for me. It was just a description than anybody could pull together. There was nothing behind it really. It was just words to me and a poem, it has to be more than words.
Sorry if I'm sounding mean or harsh. |
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