Topic ID: 36997
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adriangarcia
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 Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 6:48 pm Post subject: Myths Lie |
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Myths lie.
BY Adrian
Myths lie.
They are thieves and highwaymen that
rob and steal knowledge and reasonability of men.
They are, in truth,
stories that should never be uttered.
Because, if you do, you are telling a lie.
Myths lie.
They feed on the ignorant and stupid.
So, if you are ever told a myth, it is a lie.
Myths written
are not lies but the truth.
The truth, you see, lays in print.
Hear a lie.
See a truth.
This is the reasoning of Man. |
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olivia1987uk
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| Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 7:16 pm Post subject: |
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My God young man! Sorry for blaspheming but seriously you have to give me something I cannot rave about because this is getting boring...hahaha
I loved your arrangement here and think the lines are well structured
I agree with the whole theory of the piece....well done n sorry if this is getting repetitive |
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Olivia
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xGraceex
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| Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 8:15 pm Post subject: |
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Myths lie.
They are thieves and highwaymen that
rob and steal knowledge and reasonability of men. |
I didnt really like this first bit, i dont think it set it off right just because it didnt flow as well as the rest of the poem.
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They are, in truth,
stories that should never be uttered.
Because, if you do, you are telling a lie. |
i really liked this! it is like someone is telling you a story around a campfire or something, i got the impression that if this was read out very slowly and steadily it would sound awesome - sorry, me rambling on
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Myths lie.
They feed on the ignorant and stupid.
So, if you are ever told a myth, it is a lie. |
You really dont like myths do you? i dont mind them lol, but this bit here does sound quite serious, ignorant and stupid are quite harsh words and blunt, which is good, sets the scene
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Myths written
are not lies but the truth.
The truth, you see, lays in print. |
does it? the truth lays in print? i disagree, i dont really get why you are saying this
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Hear a lie.
See a truth.
This is the reasoning of Man |
Great ending, but i kinda disagree whole story and meaning of the poem - myths are lies? i understand your point but i guess i just have different views, i guess im more open minded. i liked the structure and the rhythm, so overall great work!  |
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Angel of Death
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| Posted: Sat Oct 11, 2008 3:39 pm Post subject: |
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Hey Adrian!
Its so great to read new poetry from you. I liked this one, it was strong and short which are always the best ones in my book. You just have this talent that shines like stars and suns and its really great to have you back. Sorry that I couldn't be of more constructive help.
Favorite lines:
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Myths lie.
They are thieves and highwaymen that
rob and steal knowledge and reasonability of men.
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Oh and reasonability is not a word. Actually these lines would be even more beautiful if they were rewritten.
Try:
Myths lie.
They are thieves who steal the knowledge of men and robbing their reason like highwaymen.
I don't know but I do like the concept of those three lines and I just hope you find a better way to write them.
Cheers,
~Angel |
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