Stop The Scrolling Header | Enable the Scrolling Header

Young Writers Society
News:  

The Top 25!

Favorite part of writing?
Username:    Password:      Log me on automatically each visit    
Uprising Discussion
Uprising Discussion

by Buscador! in Storybook Discussion
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Lyric Poetry

This thread was created on October 7, 2008
Post new topic   Reply to topic
Digg It Del.icio.us


The Song of My Heart

Topic ID: 36959
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
luv2write42   View This User's Portfolio
Junior Writer

7
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 16
Joined: 28 Apr 2007
Posts: 21
Reviews: 7
Country: United States
300 Points

PostPosted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 10:40 pm    Post subject: The Song of My Heart Reply with quote

This is my first submission, so please tell me what you think.  I'm really not a poet, so I appreciate any comments you have to help me improve.  I wrote this poem a few months back, expressing my sorrow of quitting dance classes to make time for other activities in my life.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



The Song of My Heart





Listen to this song of mine,

The melody of my heart.

Music ever so divine,

Sung for the dance we call art.



I focus on the movements.

Feel the rhythm; feel the beat.

Exhaustion – it is intense.

Don’t give up; I trust my feet.



The music flows from within,

As energy masks fatigue,

Continuing with a grin,

Endurance causing intrigue.



Release all on the dance floor,

Emotions and shattered dreams,

All within my inner core,

When everything inside me screams.



If I could, I’d dance forever,

But my heart sings less and less.

Though I loved this endeavor

Time comes for me to repress.



My heart only keeps singing

For me to write – nothing more.

To stop all the stinging

From losing this, I’ve tried before.



I can’t take it all apart.

I can’t give it one last glance.

So a portion of my heart

Will always sing the song of dance.

_________________
"Take every experience you gain from life and put it into writing. The power of words and the singing of your heart will keep you going."
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Lil_Pau   View This User's Portfolio
Senior Writer

100
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 13
Joined: 11 Oct 2007
Posts: 221
Reviews: 100
Country: Land of Eternal Dawn
363 Points

PostPosted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 7:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Welcome to YWS!

OK, to tell the truth, I really liked this poem. It has a lot of imagery and emotions in it. The rhyme was just OK for me, but remember: not all poems have to rhyme. Just let it flow all the way...

But overall, it was a really good poem.
Keep writing!
Smile

_________________
Victory is the result of a fight, determination is its base.
Got YWS?
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message MSN Messenger
janey   View This User's Portfolio
Junior Writer

9
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 21
Joined: 09 Oct 2008
Posts: 24
Reviews: 9
Country: Canada
184 Points

PostPosted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 3:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I liked most of the poem. I felt like the second last verse didn't really "fit" though:

Quote:
My heart only keeps singing
For me to write – nothing more.
To stop all the stinging
From losing this, I’ve tried before.


I think it's the first two lines that I wasn't a fan of.

Otherwise, I liked the imagery that you portrayed.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website MSN Messenger
luv2write42   View This User's Portfolio
Junior Writer

7
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 16
Joined: 28 Apr 2007
Posts: 21
Reviews: 7
Country: United States
300 Points

PostPosted: Sat Oct 11, 2008 11:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks for the comments! I will keep them in mind when editing.

_________________
"Take every experience you gain from life and put it into writing. The power of words and the singing of your heart will keep you going."
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Display posts from previous:   
This thread was created on October 7, 2008
Post new topic   Reply to topic
   Young Writers Society Forum Index » Lyric Poetry All times are GMT
Page 1 of 1

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
You can attach files in this forum
You can download files in this forum
This thread was created on October 7, 2008

Graphics By Bobo | YWS Sword & Shield Logo by Bobo
Bartemius says, Oh, Marge, cartoons don't have any deep meaning. They're just stupid drawings that give you a cheap laugh. - Homer Simpson
Contact | Memberlist | Copyright Policy | YWS Store | Site Map
Facebook |  Goodreads |  Live Journal |  MySpace |  Wikipedia

© 2004 - 2008 The Young Writers Society