| Young Writers Society - Community Forums For Young Writers |
|
This thread was created on October 7, 2008
 |
|
The Song of My Heart
Topic ID: 36959
|
View previous topic :: View next topic |
| Author |
Message |
luv2write42
Junior Writer

 Gender:  Age: 16 Joined: 28 Apr 2007 Posts: 21 Reviews: 7 Country: United States 300 Points
|
Posted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 10:40 pm Post subject: The Song of My Heart |
|
|
This is my first submission, so please tell me what you think. I'm really not a poet, so I appreciate any comments you have to help me improve. I wrote this poem a few months back, expressing my sorrow of quitting dance classes to make time for other activities in my life.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Song of My Heart
Listen to this song of mine,
The melody of my heart.
Music ever so divine,
Sung for the dance we call art.
I focus on the movements.
Feel the rhythm; feel the beat.
Exhaustion – it is intense.
Don’t give up; I trust my feet.
The music flows from within,
As energy masks fatigue,
Continuing with a grin,
Endurance causing intrigue.
Release all on the dance floor,
Emotions and shattered dreams,
All within my inner core,
When everything inside me screams.
If I could, I’d dance forever,
But my heart sings less and less.
Though I loved this endeavor
Time comes for me to repress.
My heart only keeps singing
For me to write – nothing more.
To stop all the stinging
From losing this, I’ve tried before.
I can’t take it all apart.
I can’t give it one last glance.
So a portion of my heart
Will always sing the song of dance. |
_________________ "Take every experience you gain from life and put it into writing. The power of words and the singing of your heart will keep you going." |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
Lil_Pau
Senior Writer

 Gender:  Age: 13 Joined: 11 Oct 2007 Posts: 221 Reviews: 100 Country: Land of Eternal Dawn 363 Points
|
Posted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 7:12 am Post subject: |
|
|
Welcome to YWS!
OK, to tell the truth, I really liked this poem. It has a lot of imagery and emotions in it. The rhyme was just OK for me, but remember: not all poems have to rhyme. Just let it flow all the way...
But overall, it was a really good poem.
Keep writing!
 |
_________________ Victory is the result of a fight, determination is its base.
Got YWS? |
|
| Back to top |
|
janey
Junior Writer

 Gender:  Age: 21 Joined: 09 Oct 2008 Posts: 24 Reviews: 9 Country: Canada 184 Points
|
Posted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 3:48 pm Post subject: |
|
|
I liked most of the poem. I felt like the second last verse didn't really "fit" though:
| Quote: |
My heart only keeps singing
For me to write – nothing more.
To stop all the stinging
From losing this, I’ve tried before. |
I think it's the first two lines that I wasn't a fan of.
Otherwise, I liked the imagery that you portrayed. |
|
|
| Back to top |
|
luv2write42
Junior Writer

 Gender:  Age: 16 Joined: 28 Apr 2007 Posts: 21 Reviews: 7 Country: United States 300 Points
|
Posted: Sat Oct 11, 2008 11:25 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Thanks for the comments! I will keep them in mind when editing. |
_________________ "Take every experience you gain from life and put it into writing. The power of words and the singing of your heart will keep you going." |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum You can attach files in this forum You can download files in this forum
|
|
| This thread was created on October 7, 2008 |
Graphics By Bobo | YWS Sword & Shield Logo by Bobo
Bartemius says, Oh, Marge, cartoons don't have any deep meaning. They're just stupid drawings that give you a cheap laugh. - Homer Simpson
|