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Mass Word War (3)!
Mass Word War (3)!

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Young Writers Society Forum Index » Lyric Poetry

This thread was created on October 6, 2008
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The Rarely Beautiful End

Topic ID: 36929
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KatherineN2433   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 1:14 am    Post subject: The Rarely Beautiful End Reply with quote

When the world comes to an end

it won't be as bad as it sounds;

for Jesus will come back again.

He will spread peace and love all around.



We will be relinquished of our sins,

and our problems will be diminished.

All who worshiped him will follow him,

to an amazing place called heaven.



The houses are made of clouds,

and the fixtures are all in an unknown jewel.

He will walk among the streets;

everything he touches will turn to gold.



God will walk beside Jesus, tall and proud:

they will show us to all of the pleasures,

that include more than just items.

The people will follow them wherever they go.



All of the people will wear wings of feathery white,

with slivers of gold in between the plumes.

The halo's will float just above their heads,

sparkling; made of diamonds.



You and I will go to a great hall,

and we will bow before Them.

Jesus will attach our wings with a wave of his hand,

and God will place the perfect halo above our heads.



And all will say "God bless us all,

for now we are all in Heaven."

The crowd will rejoice and throw their halo's in the air.

I will look upon the earth from way up there.



So now you see,

the end will not limit us.

We will live on forever,

In the rarely beautiful end.
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luv2write42   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 2:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Great poem! As a Christian myself, I find it refreshing to see something written about God to glorify Him.

Quote:
When the world comes to an end
it won't be as bad as it sounds;
for Jesus will come back again.
He will spread peace and love all around.

I like this stanza a lot. Very Happy


Quote:
All who worshiped him will follow him,


Try taking out the second "him" to avoid repetition.


Quote:
The halo's will float just above their heads,
sparkling; made of diamonds.

It should be "halos" instead of "halo's" because the word is plural, not showing ownership.


Quote:
So now you see,
the end will not limit us.
We will live on forever,
In the rarely beautiful end.

This is a good conclusion to the poem.
Good job and keep writing! Very Happy

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"Take every experience you gain from life and put it into writing. The power of words and the singing of your heart will keep you going."
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lordgluzman   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 1:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Really well written (you have a good imagination of heaven) I hope heaven will be like that when I die. I didn't really fined any grammar mestakes. I think you should change the title. Because at first when I read it I thought that the poem will be boring. But I was wrong. Thats why people are not reading your poem, when they should.
If I would be you Id change it to a title called: THE MAJESTIC HEAVEN

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StolenHearts.   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 8:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

This is truly amazing, i love your imagery on heaven. But like lordgluzman said you do need to change the title. Being a christian myself i really like this poem. The whole idea is very true and i believe it will happen as well, not many people are willing to express themselves like this. So well done on that this is different and original Very Happy

Quote:
The halo's will float just above their heads,
sparkling; made of diamonds.


I love these lines i can see the halos ;]

Quote:
So now you see,
the end will not limit us.
We will live on forever,
In the rarely beautiful end.


perfect ending but as i said before you need to change the title.
Well good luck on future projects and i look forward to reviewing more of your pieces.

With all due respect,

Mackenzie

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blink. breath.
beat. blink, blink.
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This thread was created on October 6, 2008

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