Topic ID: 36909
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lordgluzman
Senior Writer
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Posts: 121
Reviews: 28
Country: USA
435 Points
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 Posted: Mon Oct 06, 2008 5:02 pm Post subject: The Devil is in The House |
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The Devil is in The House
Ha ha ha
Hello my dear sinner
Haven’t you notice that your eyes are getting dimmer?
Who have you killed tonight?
You’re not really bright
Are you ready?
The devil is in the house
You will burn in the lake of fire
I will take you higher and higher
You won’t trick me
You will have to pay a fee
A visit to hell I think
You will burn there before you blink
Are you ready?
The devil is in the house
You will burn in the lake of fire
I will take you higher and higher
You have murdered that lot
Are you ready to rot?
I am really a smart fellow
I work for my two lords ye
You have been wasting your life
I will take you and your witch wife
Are you ready?
The devil is in the house
You will burn in the lake of fire
I will take you higher and higher
The devil is in your house!
On some days I fell so lonely
Because of my job my heart is so stony
People hate me around the world
I am just doing my job
Why I am being hated by people that are good
To them I am not rude
Maybe I should quit?
Nah who the devil cares!!!!!!!!!
Are you ready?
The devil is in the house
You will burn in the lake of fire
I will take you higher and higher
Look at night I’m on your window
Camping at the spider widow
I am the devil
I’m in your house
Hiding in you bathrooms mirror
I am watching who you are
I am watching you all on the brightest star
I am the devil and I’m in your house!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
_________________
Blood is red
But Heaven is blue
The Devil will fined out
And take you |
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AnAbstractHeart
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Age: 18
Joined: 06 Oct 2008
Posts: 13
Reviews: 5
300 Points
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| Posted: Mon Oct 06, 2008 10:57 pm Post subject: |
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This was entertaining!
I really enjoyed it =)
I have a little nitpick, it's just an opinion, really.
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| Because of my job my heart is so stony |
I REALLY like the idea of this line, however the way it was executed is a bit awkward.
"My heart is so stony" sounds strange to me. I know you wrote it that way so it would rhyme, but my suggestion would be to kinda edit it so that you can still use the concept of a "Heart of stone" but word it a bit differently. That's just an opinion though! =)
Great job on this! Hope to see more of your work soon =) |
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lordgluzman
Senior Writer
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Age: 13
Joined: 30 Sep 2008
Posts: 121
Reviews: 28
Country: USA
435 Points
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| Posted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 2:40 am Post subject: |
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| What should I put? |
_________________
Blood is red
But Heaven is blue
The Devil will fined out
And take you |
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Shine
My life=Randomness
Speaker of the Forum
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Country: India
319 Points
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| Posted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 6:28 pm Post subject: |
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That was Enjoyable.But I have to point out that puntuations where are they?
I liked thsi part;
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Are you ready?
The devil is in the house
You will burn in the lake of fire
I will take you higher and higher
Look at night I’m on your window
Camping at the spider widow
I am the devil
I’m in your house
Hiding in you bathrooms mirror
I am watching who you are
I am watching you all on the brightest star
I am the devil and I’m in your house!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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"A good plot is like a dream.If you dont write down your dream on paper the moment you wake up,the chances are you'll forget it and it'll be gone forever"-Roald Dalh. |
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lordgluzman
Senior Writer
Gender:
Age: 13
Joined: 30 Sep 2008
Posts: 121
Reviews: 28
Country: USA
435 Points
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| Posted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 10:32 pm Post subject: |
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| what are the punctuation problems? |
_________________
Blood is red
But Heaven is blue
The Devil will fined out
And take you |
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Lord Anzius
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Country: Finland I think?
482 Points
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| Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 11:54 am Post subject: |
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Okay. I liked the idea and the lines but, some of the rhymes... just somehow semmed forced.
Also some of the lines didn't rhyme at all and you seemed to want most of the lines to rhyme.
Otherwise entertaining and good.
LORD ANZIUS WUZ HERE |
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Boredom is a death sentence.
That is why I try to be crazy.
Crazy people aren't bored.
I wish I were more crazy. |
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thevoiceinside
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Posts: 39
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Country: Land of the free; Home of the brave
201 Points
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| Posted: Sat Oct 25, 2008 2:57 am Post subject: |
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Hello lordgluzman,
I found your poem to be a bit disturbing, a little strange in a way. Don't take it in a negative way, please. I just think you can do much better. May I ask you something? Why is it that you seem to focus on the "DEVIL"? (PM me with your response if you have one) It just doesn't seem right. I'd like to encourage you, I guess you could put it like that, to write pieces that are more uplifting and less haunting. I know, very well, that you've got what it takes to create beautiful pieces. I believe that a guy that can create a joyful, peaceful, and sometimes a sad feeling in their writing, is a guy that's worth a thousand good words. You'll earn so much more respect for something more heartfelt, rather than something that's quite disturbing. On the other hand, it's only my opinion...
-thevoiceinside |
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"Life isn't about finding yourself. It's about creating yourself." |
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Silent music
&& Why do I cry tears when I remember
Novelist
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Posts: 315
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Country: the one where peope are in....yeah...that one
300 Points
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| Posted: Sat Oct 25, 2008 3:16 am Post subject: |
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 I really enjoy most of your lyrics because almost all of them are based on God and Satin. But this last stanza:
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Look at night I’m on your window
Camping at the spider widow
I am the devil
I’m in your house
Hiding in you bathrooms mirror
I am watching who you are
I am watching you all on the brightest star |
This scared the hell out of me!  I should of really reconized the Topic Description!  Good job though! |
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Who cried a river and drowned the whole world.
In every single letter. In every single word. There will be a hidden message about a boy who loves a girl. |
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singer89
New Member
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Age: 13
Joined: 02 Nov 2008
Posts: 4
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Country: United States of America
300 Points
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| Posted: Sun Nov 02, 2008 8:24 pm Post subject: |
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| Wow! That was amazing! It's a lot different than anything I've ever heard! Great job. |
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I must really change my sig one of these days... |
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