Topic ID: 36874
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Princess
sugar and spice
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 Posted: Mon Oct 06, 2008 1:02 am Post subject: My sweetheart |
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My Sweetheart
Goodness and willing,
all the way through.
Your smiles and laughter
and gracefulness too.
Those gorgeous qualities
pull me through the day.
Curious and simple
and loving all the way.
Bubbly and trusting,
as most five year olds are.
If you need me, I'll come,
no matter how far. |
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Last edited by Princess on Thu Oct 09, 2008 7:52 pm; edited 3 times in total |
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StolenHearts.
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| Posted: Mon Oct 06, 2008 7:24 am Post subject: |
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This was really cute 
All I can say is,
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| Those gorgeous qualities |
that's how you spell gorgeous ;]
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| Cutious and simple |
Don't know what word you were trying to spell here
but, its spelled wrong. Maybe put sweet there instead.
I loved this poem it definitely made my heart warm.
It was short and simple and got the meaning down.
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Bubbly and trusting,
as more five year olds are.
If you need me, I'll come,
no matter how far. |
Love the ending it was perfect, I can't wait to see
what else you can come up with.
With all due respect,
Mackenzie |
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xGraceex
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| Posted: Mon Oct 06, 2008 4:37 pm Post subject: :P |
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Goodness and willing,
all the way through.
Your smiles and laughter
and gracefulness too. |
I love this, a great way to start
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Those georgus qualities
pull me through the day.
Cutious and simple
and loving all the way. |
This is so tender, though i think you did mispell some things!
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Bubbly and trusting,
as more five year olds are.
If you need me, I'll come,
no matter how far. |
I didnt really get the second line... but i like the rest of it, its like a letter to a loved one, saying at the end "if you need me ill come, no matter how far," beautiful
great poem, short and sweet |
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KookieKatie
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| Posted: Mon Oct 06, 2008 6:50 pm Post subject: |
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Very cute. It's so adorable. A few technical aspects that need analyzing...
-In one of the lines you said cutious. I believe you meant curtious, which would make it just a simple spelling mistake...
-You format doesn't exactly fit between the first and second stanzas, particularly in the second line. Find a way to fix that.
Other then that, I really love it. It's such a cute, sweet poem.
Great work! Keep writing!!
-KK |
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Princess
sugar and spice
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| Posted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 3:59 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks guys for the great info! I just revised my poem, so you can see it again if you like.
Please keep revising my work! it definatally needs it!
*Emily* |
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KookieKatie
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| Posted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 6:53 pm Post subject: |
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Really great!! The revisions helped.
One little tick that's really bugging me is that second line in the second stanza. It's a syllable longer then it should be. (Sorry, I'm a perfectionist!!)
You are a really great writer! You draw inspiration from happiness as well as sorrow, which is more then what can be said about most writers on this site.
Great work, keep writing!
-KK |
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lshryock2
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| Posted: Fri Oct 10, 2008 12:11 am Post subject: Re: My sweetheart |
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| EmmaSweetie100 wrote: |
My Sweetheart
Goodness and willing,
all the way through.
Your smiles and laughter
and gracefulness too.
Those gorgeous qualities
pull me through the day.
Curious and simple
and loving all the way.
Bubbly and trusting,
as most five year olds are.
If you need me, I'll come,
no matter how far. |
i love this poem.
as i read it, it reminded me of certain someone.
even though were no longer together and it has been a tough breakup this poem reminded me of the good times when things were innocent and happy.
this poem is bascially the definiation for a first love |
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esteria
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| Posted: Fri Oct 10, 2008 6:51 pm Post subject: |
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sweet, sweet, sweet...thats all i can say
'Bubbly and trusting,
as most five year olds are.
If you need me, I'll come,
no matter how far.'
couldnt ask for a better ending...nice work |
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Princess
sugar and spice
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Joined: 25 Aug 2008
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Country: Candyland
593 Points
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| Posted: Sun Oct 26, 2008 11:15 pm Post subject: |
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Uhhh.. Ishy, this poem is about my 5 year old cousin.. My five year old girl cousin.. So thanks for the sweet review, but umm.. Yeah, its not about true love
Thanks anyway! |
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adriangarcia
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| Posted: Mon Oct 27, 2008 4:44 am Post subject: |
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Seriously, this is one of the cutest poems I've read! Very, very sweet!
 And, good too!
-Adrian |
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drama queen
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| Posted: Thu Nov 13, 2008 4:46 am Post subject: |
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| Hey Emma! as you know I'm new at this but oh well. I really love this poem. I thought it was really sweet. Can't wait to read some others! |
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