Topic ID: 36835
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1993vlad@gmail.com
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 Posted: Sun Oct 05, 2008 4:08 am Post subject: Teenage love |
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My heart taken away
Like the soul in my body just flying away
And I, just flew into heaven
Or is it you girl coming here with angels
And I just found love inside of my heart
That’s been silent for a while
------freestyle-----
Yeah, I love you left and right
Even is you mess something up
I will still stand by your side
My heart is almost crying
Releasing the tears from inside of me
-------end freestyle------
Love has been in my mind
Almost taking me miles
Through the silent hours
That I have spent waiting for you
To come to me or me come to you
And say “I truly love you” |
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lordgluzman
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| Posted: Sun Oct 05, 2008 2:41 pm Post subject: |
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really beutiful words but
what does freestyle means?
I dont know really, but it doesnt matter.
The negative part of this was that it is to short I am not a fan of short poems or storeys.
Other wise it was good. |
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Kiss of life
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| Posted: Mon Oct 06, 2008 12:19 am Post subject: |
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Okay...this was to short to be a lyric. I think that you should post it in the poem section and also take out the free style because a bunch of people will not get that. Also the freestyle makes the lyric/poem semm like it is rap....I dislike the freestyle that rappers do. I am sorry but I do. I am not a big fan of rap if that is what this is. Yes I listen to 97.5 WABB but only when I can't find good music on 101.5 TK. Also you should work on it and make a bridge and chorus. And why is the title "Teenage Love"? Where is the love? That is one thing that I did not get. Please work more on this.  |
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thunder_dude7
I am pure AWESOMNESS!!!111one
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| Posted: Mon Oct 06, 2008 12:46 am Post subject: |
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You know, I was about to say that the rhyming was forced when I realised that it doesn't rhyme.
Not rhyming is perfectly fine so long as the rhythem is enough to carry it along. But the lines sometimes seemed very off topic, like this one:
| Quote: |
| Almost taking me miles |
That doesn't really relate to the topic.
Quick tip:
When writing a song, think of the topic, then read each line. Ask yourself, does this really relate to the topic? Does it flow with the rest of the song?
If either is no, change the line. |
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VampireBloodrace
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| Posted: Mon Oct 06, 2008 4:25 am Post subject: |
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| I kind of got lost.........some of the lines didn't make much sense, while others were written beautifully. Also, what is freestyle? I guess that it's some sort of rap, but I don't think thats right....... |
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Rawr?
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| Posted: Thu Oct 23, 2008 11:03 pm Post subject: |
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I like it!
Could possibly be made a little longer but still good!
Great Job! |
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lshryock2
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| Posted: Thu Nov 27, 2008 1:37 am Post subject: Re: Teenage love |
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| 1993vlad@gmail.com wrote: |
My heart taken away
Like the soul in my body just flying away
And I, just flew into heaven
Or is it you girl coming here with angels
And I just found love inside of my heart
That’s been silent for a while
------freestyle-----
Yeah, I love you left and right
Even is you mess something up
I will still stand by your side
My heart is almost crying
Releasing the tears from inside of me
-------end freestyle------
Love has been in my mind
Almost taking me miles
Through the silent hours
That I have spent waiting for you
To come to me or me come to you
And say “I truly love you” |
it deffinally has potenial for somthing more
the only thing missing was the teenage part ya know?
teenage love alot times is forbided, fake, or new.
just give a little of that and it will be perfect!
good job |
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