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This thread was created on October 4, 2008
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Path
Topic ID: 36796
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lordgluzman
Senior Writer
Gender: 
Age: 13
Joined: 30 Sep 2008
Posts: 121
Reviews: 28
Country: USA
435 Points
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 Posted: Sat Oct 04, 2008 2:06 pm Post subject: Path |
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It burns like hell
My soul starts to dwell
This feeling starts to make die
That Anger
It opens the door to the devil
I loose my mind
I feel it right behind
It’s my Path
I can’t escape that thing
It’s my Path
Can’t stop its wrath
That evil past
You better run fast
It is my path
Can’t control my arms, my legs, common sense
Can’t stop throwing my stuff, my things, my self
Can’t hear you ask for mercy the sounds voice is gone
It’s my path
This anger must stop
Have to pour it out of my cup
It won’t be my path?
Will it be my path?
Should be path?
Hell no it won’t be my path!!!!!!!!!!!
Got to cool down
Sad clown
This Anger shall die
I will take it high
Must forgive till the end
Anger ain't my friend
Fade away
Far away
I can’t escape that thing
It’s my Path
Must stop its wrath
Can’t control my arms, my legs, common sense
Can’t stop throwing my stuff, my things, my self
Can’t hear you ask for mercy the sounds voice is gone
Not my path
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_________________
Blood is red
But Heaven is blue
The Devil will fined out
And take you
Last edited by lordgluzman on Sat Oct 04, 2008 5:48 pm; edited 4 times in total |
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StarDuster
Writer
Gender: 
Age: 15
Joined: 26 Aug 2008
Posts: 61
Reviews: 33
Country: Someone's Imagination
300 Points
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| Posted: Sat Oct 04, 2008 2:24 pm Post subject: review |
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This was.. dark and deep. I'm not much of one for rhyming, but since this is lyrics, I guess I have to let you get away with it... 
A few mistakes in the beginning I thought I should point out:
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I loose my mined
I feel it rite behind me |
I'm not sure if you meant to say lose or loose, but you should change it if you didn't mean loose... Lose is like lost and loose is the opposite of tight. Why they have to make this so confusing, I don't know...
Mined should be mind, right?
And rite should be right? Unless you meant to spell it this way. In that case, creative license is your friend. 
That's about it.
- StarDuster |
_________________
"With every joy that passes
Something beautiful remains." |
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Lord Anzius
Speaker of the Forum
Gender:
Age: 13
Joined: 11 Aug 2008
Posts: 622
Reviews: 80
Country: Finland I think?
487 Points
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| Posted: Fri Oct 10, 2008 5:10 am Post subject: |
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HMMM let me see.. PUNCTUATION !!
HOW CAN YOU ALWAYS FORGET THAT.... JEzus
kay but it rhymes well that's what i like but I didn't get this part:
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Got to cool down
Sad clown |
But it was good. Keep it up.
LORD ANZIUS WUZ HERE  |
_________________
Boredom is a death sentence.
That is why I try to be crazy.
Crazy people aren't bored.
I wish I were more crazy. |
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| This thread was created on October 4, 2008 |
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