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Already Won Me
Already Won Me

by lilymoore in Romantic Fiction
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Romantic Fiction

This thread was created on October 3, 2008
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Midnight Blue; Preface
Midnight Blue; One
Midnight Blue; Three
Midnight Blue; Four
Midnight Blue; Five

Midnight Blue; Two

Topic ID: 36773
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ashleylee   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 03, 2008 3:49 pm    Post subject: Midnight Blue; Two Reply with quote

Here is Part two! Very Happy

Happy Reading!

___________________

Part Two

William

After class, I decided to walk with Veronica, to make sure she was okay. I knew I shouldn’t’ have asked. I knew it was none of my business, but it should have been. I was her friend after all. She should feel comfortable enough to confide in me.

“So, you wanna tell me now what’s bugging you?” I ask with a piercing stare.

“No, not really,” she snaps, her brow furrowed in agitation. She still was beautiful, even as furious as she was.

“I know how Mike is. I know his character. He doesn’t deserve you, Veronica.”

“What do you know, William? Seriously, what do you know about Mike?” She whirls on me, eyes blazing with an inner fire that I had never seen.

Slightly put-off, I take a step back, exiting the danger zone. “I’m just trying to look out for you. We’ve known each other for years. You should be able to talk to me about stuff. I’ve been your neighbor since you moved here.”

“I know… I know, Will, and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped at you.” She rubbed at her temples with a heavy sigh.

“No, don’t worry. All’s good.” I winked at her, making her laugh. “But if you don’t want to tell me, that’s fine.”

Just then, being the overprotective creature that I am, I immediately tensed when I smelt that familiar tangy scent that was Mike Putnam.

“Hey, sweetie!” he called in false happiness, his eyes a lit with lies. My heart pounded with a whole new rhythm. If only Veronica would allow me to beat Mike to a pulp… If only…

“Hey, Mike!” I was still shocked that she could still sound so real and happy to see him, even after all he says and does to her.

Mike glances warily over at me, and Veronica follows his gaze. I stand rigidly at her side, not planning to go anytime soon. “Will…I have to go now so I’ll talk to you later?” She had no hint of remorse, no sense of pride. I was there for her. She didn’t even know how much I cared for her, walking her home everyday from the library where she worked. She never even knew, but I did, and I knew it counted for something.

“Veronica, I don’t think—“

She shot me such a glare that if I didn’t have skin like a tanks, she would have killed me with one swing of her sharp knives-for-eyes. “Good bye, Will,” she said through clenched teeth before hooking arms with Mike, sauntering off with a swing in her step. I just couldn’t see what she saw in that moron. His head was full of air, rattling around on his neck like an empty barrel. The mere sight of him made me fire up like a ticking bomb, ready to explode at any moment.

Of course, most of this anger was directed towards the very obvious point: He had Veronica. I didn’t. I know it was wrong of me to lust after her. I had been her first friend when she moved here, the little curly-haired kid down the block. She still thought of me as that little boy that she had met all those years ago. But didn’t she see all that has changed. I’m definitely not little anymore, towering over Mike Putnam by several inches. Yes, he was bigger than I in a weight sense. I was leaner, more thinly muscled than he was. He was all brawn, something that I found comical, for he seemed like a very weak individual, taking out his anger on Veronica all the time.

Leaving the school for the outside air, I inhaled the surrounding scents. Winter was crisp in the air, stinking up the air with the newly fallen snow. I hated winter. All that ice embedded in your fur at the end of a run… I growled at the thought.

Shoving my hands deep into my pockets, I quickened my pace. Darting into the nearby trees, I took the forest path, the bare trees somehow calming my fried nerves. Veronica did this to me daily and I still haven’t figured out why I put up with it. She’s just a girl. There are thousands more out there. It’s just that twinkle in her eye she gets when I make her laugh, or that intelligent air she gets when she starts a new lab, or that beautiful nature she has, so gentle and pure.

Sighing, I confirmed what ailed me.

I was just one lovesick kid.

Veronica

Mike’s honey-colored eyes deepened in color as his lips molded over the hollow of my throat. I lost myself in the feeling, loving the intimacy we could share without things getting awkward. He murmured my name against my feverish skin, creating goosebumps where his warm breath hit my neck. “I really am sorry about earlier today, Vee. I shouldn’t have said the things I did.”

“It’s okay,” I whispered huskily, pressing my lips firmly against his. His hands slipped along my back, memorizing every curve, every dip. I clutched myself to him, loving the feel of our bodies fitting together. My clothes were itchy against my skin as his tongue entered my mouth.

“Mike?”

As though electrocuted, I was gone, breathing heavily three cushions down from him. He covered a laugh with his hand as his mother entered the house, her hair in a prim looking up-do with her thinly-arched brows raised in merry-surprise at the sight of me. “Oh, Veronica, dear! How are you?”

“Good.” Peeking over at Mike, I saw a huge grin spreading across his face as we exchanged a glance. “Really good,” I added with a suggestive tone aimed at Mike. His eyes deepened again at this, making me shiver with delight.

“That’s good. Mike, could you be a doll and go out and grab the rest of the groceries.”

“Sure, mom.” Practically sprinting from the room, he came back in hauling two cases of Mountain Dew under his arm. He winked at me before leaving again to retrieve the last box of potato chips. “All right, all done.”

“Thanks, sweetie.” His mother blew him a kiss before shrugging her shoulders. “I’m off to take a shower.”

“Yeah, we better be going, mom. I have to get Vee home.”

I look quizzically at him as he opens his eyes really wide, his hands twitching. Understanding, I nod in agreement. “Yeah, I should get going. Nice seeing you again, Mrs. Putnam.” She just shrugged again, waving good bye before climbing the stairs.

Outside, I was giddy with relief to be out of the house. Mike was tugging me by the hand into his truck. He drove quickly, both of us laughing like fools. We were headed to our favorite spot in the middle of the woods. It had been ours since before we were dating but it seemed to get better use now that we were…


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 03, 2008 6:30 pm    Post subject: Re: Midnight Blue; Two Reply with quote

This part of the story is good. I didn't like it quite as much as the first bit, I'm not sure why.
This part just sounded kind of awkward to me, it didn't flow very well.
ashleylee wrote:

As though electrocuted, I was gone, breathing heavily three cushions down from him. He covered a laugh with his hand as his mother entered the house, her hair in a prim looking up-do with her thinly-arched brows raised in merry-surprise at the sight of me. “Oh, Veronica, dear! How are you?”
“Good.” Peeking over at Mike, I saw a huge grin spreading across his face as we exchanged a glance. “Really good,” I added with a suggestive tone aimed at Mike. His eyes deepened again at this, making me shiver with delight.
“That’s good. Mike, could you be a doll and go out and grab the rest of the groceries.”
“Sure, mom.” Practically sprinting from the room, he came back in hauling two cases of Mountain Dew under his arm. He winked at me before leaving again to retrieve the last box of potato chips. “All right, all done.”
“Thanks, sweetie.” His mother blew him a kiss before shrugging her shoulders. “I’m off to take a shower.”
“Yeah, we better be going, mom. I have to get Vee home.”
I look quizzically at him as he opens his eyes really wide, his hands twitching. Understanding, I nod in agreement. “Yeah, I should get going. Nice seeing you again, Mrs. Putnam.” She just shrugged again, waving good bye before climbing the stairs.
Outside, I was giddy with relief to be out of the house. Mike was tugging me by the hand into his truck. He drove quickly, both of us laughing like fools. We were headed to our favorite spot in the middle of the woods. It had been ours since before we were dating but it seemed to get better use now that we were…


Let me know when you update! Very Happy

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PostPosted: Fri Oct 03, 2008 8:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I thought this was a truly great story!That is saying something because i usually hate any romantic stories. What made me like this story was that it is mysterious because of the dog/ wolf/ cat boy running around. I also sense an impending conflict in the woods.

I thought that the story could be a little unclear as to what you meant to say in a few parts. But I cannot wait until the next chapter.

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PostPosted: Fri Oct 03, 2008 8:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey Ash, thanks for the heads up!

I loved this chapter! And I really adore William. There's just something about him that's different than the usually over-confident perfect male counterpart in a Romance story. I'm starting to think that he's a werewolf though because he started talking about fur. Well it won't be soon before long when I find out. I did like the way this ended. Even though I do hate cliffhangers. I smell trouble heating up on the horizon because both Mike and Veronica are going to the woods and William is going...
Can't wait to read the next part. This is getting so good.
Keep up the great work,
~Angel

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PostPosted: Fri Oct 03, 2008 10:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

tnme22:

Yeah, I kind of struggled with this second bit. I'm really bad at really intense romantic/intimate moments Embarassed so I'll read through that again and see if I can update it.

Thanks for reading and I will PM you when I update Wink

player09:

Hey, thanks! Very Happy

You'll find out in the next chapter what the boy is...Wink

I'll PM you when I post more!

Thanks again! Very Happy

Angel of Death:

Thanks, Angel!

Yeah, I don't know what it is about this story but I seem to be doing a lot of cliffhangers...I'll cut back on that Wink hehe

Thanks again! Will PM you when the next part is up! Very Happy

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PostPosted: Sat Oct 04, 2008 2:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you for PMing me to tell me this was up. Again, I was very happy to see your message sitting in the inbox with title 'New post' d: hehe Very Happy
Another great chapter and another cliffhanger wanting me to read more (: I really want to know what William is, so can't wait for that .. and just another great chapter ashley! You're an awesome writer Very Happy
Lucyy xx

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Last edited by lucyy on Sat Oct 04, 2008 3:25 pm; edited 1 time in total
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ashleylee   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Sat Oct 04, 2008 3:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

lucyy:

Thanks! Very Happy

The next chapter will be up shortly.

And I'm glad you liked this one. I found it really hard to write so just be warned that the upcoming chapters will probably be pretty rough.

Thanks again, luc!

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PostPosted: Sat Oct 04, 2008 8:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

hey, ash.


i like this post, but i feel sorry for william. he is lusting after a girl he can't have.

hopefully, when the story gets going, we will get to see william be happy.

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PostPosted: Sun Oct 05, 2008 2:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ooooo....this is very good. What is up with you coming out with all these awesome stories? I am now expecting you to be able to keep up posting 2 fantastic stories!

I like this a lot, extremely well written and mysterious! I want to know what is going on with William, I am sensing werewolf! His point of view is very interesting and you can tell the distinct difference from William to Veronica.
May I say you did an excellent job choosing names! My name is Veronica, yay!
So anyway, on to Veronica's character. She is a good MC. I like her personality but she needs to realize when she is in a bad relationship! Oh well, hopefully Veronica will come around and then go to William. We all know William deserves to be happy.

Okay, so great story! I can't wait to see more!

-Your Devoted Reader

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PostPosted: Sun Oct 05, 2008 5:48 pm    Post subject: Re: Midnight Blue; Two Reply with quote

Quote:
agitation.

I just wanted to point out that i love your vocabulary. Kudos to you my friend.
~~~~~~~
Quote:
I immediately tensed when I smelt that familiar tangy scent that was Mike Putnam.

What. Is. He.?
~~~~~~~
Quote:
She shot me such a glare that if I didn’t have skin like a tanks,

It took me a few trys to understand this maybe you should say as strong as a tank or sometthing like that for the reader to realize...oh thats strong.
~~~~~~~
okay so now im confused about mike?in this chapter (veronica's perspective) he seems sweet and nice and a regular Joe. You kind of lost that edgy jerk thing that veronica and moe talked about in the first chapter.
I think veronicas part aws a little short here. Maybe go into more detail, something they talked about maybe? before his mom came home.
With William, you only write where Veronica is, so we know he is all into her and what not. But does he have a life? What is he? Where does he go after school? That kinda thing is going through my head right now. You should go into more detail about his life in future chapters. And of course go into more detail about what exactly he is...but that should be obvious for you haha.

Can't wait to read more. I'm really likeing this. I hope i wasnt too harsh....

Pm me when you get the next part up...please haha

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PostPosted: Sun Oct 05, 2008 7:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Night Mistress:

Don't worry, everyone gets to be happy in the end Wink

Thanks for taking the time to read this!

omsvmars22:

I'm glad you like my name choice Wink lol

Yeah, all of it will come together...hopefully. I haven't yet figured out how I want to end this.

Thanks for reading, mars! Very Happy

jasmine12:

No, you're not being harsh at all. You're helping me a lot! Very Happy

I can't thank you enough for all the helpful comments.

And, of course, I'll PM you when I post more...which should be soon.

Thanks again, jazz!

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 06, 2008 12:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I didn't like this as much as i like the preveous two
but still
I thought it was amazing
XD

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I want the friction...
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PostPosted: Mon Oct 06, 2008 5:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

AllyyAlwayyys:

Yeah, everyone is saying that. I guess that means I have to up this up Wink

Thanks for reading! Very Happy

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PostPosted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 7:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh, wow, I really like this. Whenever i read something good i get all giddy and can't take my eyes aways from it and want more, thats how I feel about this. This is really good!

Something is going on with William, werewolf??? I'm just guessing here, tell me if I'm wrong. Anyway I really like this! Its really enticing! I love it! I can't find any mistakes, so that's good!

Now, I'm off to read Chapter three!!!

Krisy
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ashleylee   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 10, 2008 4:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

pshhxhoney:

Thanks! Very Happy

I guess you will just have to wait for the next chapter to see....

I will PM you when I post chapter four.

Thanks again!

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