Topic ID: 36759
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thevoiceinside
Junior Writer

 Gender:  Age: 16 Joined: 01 Jul 2008 Posts: 39 Reviews: 20 Country: Land of the free; Home of the brave 201 Points
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Posted: Fri Oct 03, 2008 2:10 am Post subject: Don't Forget |
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Hello Everyone!
Here's a song that I wrote.
It's about how you shouldn't forget your purpose in life.
This song represents what I stand for and holds personal meaning to me as a person.
I hope you enjoy it
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Don’t Forget…
You crossed the veil because you believed
Never doubting, you haven’t been deceived
But now you’re sitting here…
Thinking about what you’ve become
And you question“Why?”
But He’s still near
You need proof? You hold it dear
It’s in your heart, It’s who you are
That’s what faith is for
You say one time won’t make a difference
Take that drink of beer, smoke that cigarette
But still, deep down, you fear
Cause He knows every breath you take
He knows every mistake you make
But He knew what you would face
He bled, He cried
That’s why He died
Don’t forget…
Cause He’s catching your every tear
He knows when you’re scared
He’s watching for when you fall
And when you fail
He’s reaching out, you’re reaching up
Take His hand. He’ll never lead you into despair
Don’t forget. It’s who you are, His child
Their words, their taunts…
It hurts more than you show
But He wants you to know, you’re never alone
Your journey isn’t over, it’s only begun
The wars, the pains,
The fears are all of the world
Forgive your neighbors and love the enemy
It’s what you’ve been taught
But still, you find yourself standing…
Looking in the mirror, you don’t like who is Looking back cause…
The mirror fogged up and all you see
Is who you’re not
But it’s so clear…it’s so clear
You’re God’s child
Lying awake, tossing and turning
Your yearning desires are made known
On your knees, you pray…
Asking for what seems like the impossible
He hears every word
And that’s when you know, you’re loved
You feel it in your heart, in your soul
You can’t deny what you now know
Don’t forget…
Cause He’s catching your every tear
He knows when you’re scared
He’s watching for when you fall
And when you fail
He’s reaching out, you’re reaching up
Take His hand. He’ll never lead you into despair
So don’t forget. It’s who you are, His child
Stand tall, stand true
He knew what you would face
He bled, He cried
That’s why He died
Do you remember? You hold it dear
It’s in your heart, It’s who you are
That’s what faith is for
So don’t forget…
Don’t forget
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I hope you liked it
Cheers!
-thevoiceinside |
_________________ "Life isn't about finding yourself. It's about creating yourself." |
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CoolCatElly
Novice
Gender:  Age: 16 Joined: 27 Sep 2008 Posts: 10 Reviews: 0
300 Points
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Posted: Fri Oct 03, 2008 11:00 am Post subject: |
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Hey,ok, content wise, I loved it
BUT
Your lines are a bit too long for me, and they don't flow that well. It would have been
nice if there was some rhyme and more rhythm.
But not bad  |
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olivia1987uk
Novelist

 Gender:  Age: 21 Joined: 22 Jun 2008 Posts: 257 Reviews: 164
392 Points
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Posted: Fri Oct 03, 2008 1:50 pm Post subject: |
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Hey thevoiceinside!
I have to say i really enjoyed reading this, thoght I think i'd much prefer hearing it since it has a song!
You can't judge the rhyme or the flow as if its poetry because it really does depend on how its sung...
It's so emotive with language you don't always get in conventional songs...I'm an indie girl myself so I'm used to unusual lyrics...and I like this because it actually means something! |
_________________ Olivia
xxx
http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic36697.html |
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lordgluzman
Senior Writer

 Gender:  Age: 13 Joined: 30 Sep 2008 Posts: 121 Reviews: 28 Country: USA 435 Points
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Posted: Sun Oct 05, 2008 12:29 am Post subject: |
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I really liked it. This song remindes me of who I am. It actually work out really well as a rock song. I think you should maybe ryhme more. Sorry but I like ryhme. Other wise you did it awsome.
God Bless you! |
_________________ Blood is red
But Heaven is blue
The Devil will fined out
And take you |
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AnAbstractHeart
Novice

 Gender:  Age: 18 Joined: 06 Oct 2008 Posts: 13 Reviews: 5
300 Points
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Posted: Mon Oct 06, 2008 2:53 am Post subject: |
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Remembering your purpose is very important, otherwise, why are we here?
I really enjoyed this! I do agree, some of the lines are bit too long, however, if you were to sing it, I could completely disagree. But to the eye, they don't flow too well, but like I mentioned, the ear might think differently, if you catch my drift. |
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VampireBloodrace
Junior Writer

 Gender:  Age: 14 Joined: 04 Oct 2008 Posts: 47 Reviews: 14 Country: Damire - The Country of the Vampires 300 Points
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Posted: Mon Oct 06, 2008 5:05 am Post subject: |
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It's really good and I agree- I'd love to hear it actually sung. I like the meaning behind it and what you're trying to say. Maybe you could have added a little more rhyming, but it's good in any case  |
_________________ I am Carzyl.
Fear me and hate me, for I am a bloodthirsty vampire craving for human blood. My deep crimson eyes will burn away everything you hold dear to your heart. My black hair will chew away your empty soul.
My fangs will steal your life. |
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