Stop The Scrolling Header | Enable the Scrolling Header

Young Writers Society
News:  

Must Read: No Chat-Speak

Happy Thanksgiving!
Username:    Password:      Log me on automatically each visit    
No Handlebars
No Handlebars

by phantom_blackfire_wings in Storybooks
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Romantic Fiction

This thread was created on September 30, 2008
Post new topic   Reply to topic
Digg It Del.icio.us


Where an endless torrent of love began

Topic ID: 36672
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
tnme22   View This User's Portfolio
Novelist

79
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 16
Joined: 16 Aug 2008
Posts: 302
Reviews: 79
Country: USA
1026 Points

PostPosted: Tue Sep 30, 2008 10:28 pm    Post subject: Where an endless torrent of love began Reply with quote

The rest of my summer was going to be spent at my parent’s beach house on the Virginia coast. They decided to spring this on my brother and me exactly eight days ago. Most kids would be thrilled by this prospect. I was not.

A week on the beach is fun. Five weeks is not.

My pasty white skin will probably turn the color of a tomato in an hour even with sunscreen. My hair will be permanently sandy and I’ll never get the taste of salt water out of my mouth.

My brother Miles was thrilled. Girls in bikinis, surfing, and even more girls were enough to get him packing.

Despite my frequent protests, we still loaded up our car, locked the house up, and said good-bye.

The beach house was literally right on the beach. None of that crazy walking to get there.

As soon as the car was unloaded and we were ‘settled in’, Miles grabbed his swim trunks and ran to the beach.

“He doesn’t waste any time.” I grumbled while trying to arrange my room. I could see him from my window, chatting it up with a blonde in a strappy bikini.

“Janelle, hurry up and come to the beach! It’s a beautiful day!” My mom said from the doorway. She was wearing a one piece with a sarong tied around her waist and a big straw hat on her head.

“I have the rest of the summer to go to the beach; don’t want to get too excited now.” I said sarcastically. My mom sighed and left.

I went down to the little living room we had and turned on the TV. There was nothing on. I made myself a sandwich. After that I ran out of things to do. I had brought a small collection of reading material with me so I figured now was as good a time as any to start.

It did look nice outside, and I knew my parents would be mad if I just sat inside all day. I sighed and found the sunscreen.

I had been reading for a good half hour and I could still see my family at the beach. I was sitting outside the backdoor on a chair, reading. There was sand under me so it counted as the beach. The sun was baking down and I was sweating.

“You look hot.” Someone said.

I turned to the house next to ours. A boy about my age was standing on a second story deck in his swim trunks, looking down at me. I didn’t say anything.

“You should go to the beach and cool off.” He said.

“I am on the beach. This is good enough for me.” I turned back to my book.

He was gone for a minute while he came outside. His towel was slung over his shoulder and he hadn’t bothered to put on shoes. “You’re telling me that you’d rather sit here and sweat than run into the ocean and swim?”

“Yep.”

“You’re crazy.”

I shrugged.

“Suit yourself.” He jogged to the water. I found myself staring as he ran in. It was also slightly more difficult to concentrate on my book.

The next week I only saw the boy in passing. He didn’t say much to me and I didn’t say much to him. I did actually go in the water a few times and by Saturday I had a sunburn.

The sunsets and night were unreal. They were kinds of sunsets that people can only dream about, that inspire beautiful poems and paintings.

There was a pier that overlooked the water and was the spot to be at night. It’s where I was almost every evening to watch the sunset and if I woke up early enough, the sunrise.

This was where I was tonight. The pier was slightly crowded. I could make out Miles at the end, eating the face off some brunette girl.

The sun had just started to set when I heard someone behind me. “This is the best part of having a house here.” He said. It was the boy from before.

“Yeah. It’s really something.” I mentally kicked myself for not thinking of anything better to say.

“I don’t think I’ve actually introduced myself, I’m Jeremiah.” He smiled and stuck out his hand.

“I’m Janelle.” I shook his hand.

“That’s a pretty name.”

“Thanks.”

“For a very pretty girl.”

I blushed.

We didn’t talk for a good five minutes. The sun had finished setting and it was getting dark. “See you around, Janelle.” He smiled as he left.

Jeremiah talked to me a lot over the next few days. Whenever we saw each other we would talk. I learned he lived here on the coast and that his favorite food in the world was pineapple. He listened to indie rock and wished he could play the guitar. Compared to him I felt boring but he never seemed to get sick of me.

Everything changed on August 26th. There was another amazing sunset that night. We held hands and walked down the pier. We reached our favorite spot, where we would sit and watch the sunset together every night. My head would rest on his shoulder and he would wrap his arm around my waist.

This time, however, we didn’t sit. In the peak moment of the sunset, when the colors were the most beautiful and it made your heart swirl to look at he turned me around to face him and then all of a sudden his lips were on mine.

It was the most wonderful thing I had ever felt in my life. I never wanted it to end. His arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me closer. I wrapped my arms around his neck, my fingers knotted in his hair. The kiss ended too soon, but it was the most magical moment of my life.

Jeremiah and I didn’t spend a moment apart the next week. We did everything together. We separated only to sleep and go to the bathroom. Every night we would sit on our spot on the pier and watch the sunset together, always ending with a kiss.

For once I was not counting down the days until I could go home. I wished every day could last longer and the summer would never end.

My feelings for Jeremiah were so strong. I had never felt this way about any one in my life and it was amazing.

The last day at the beach house was wonderful and horrible at the same time. The wonderful part was that I was with Jeremiah the entire day and we made out about every ten minutes. The horrible part was that I had to leave the next morning and go back to Richmond and I would probably never see him again.

We sat together on our spot on the pier, now filled with what felt like a lifetime of memories. We didn’t say anything as the sun began to set. I felt like crying.

“You know, Janelle, this has probably been one of the best summers of my life.” Jeremiah said softly. “And I’ve had some pretty amazing summers.” He smiled.

“I hate this place. I hate coming here. I always count down the days until I can leave, but now I just want it to never end. I love it here now.” I started to cry.

He wiped my tears. “Oh, please don’t cry. We’ll still see each other. This doesn’t end here.”

“I know. But, still. It’s just so sad. Everything’s ending.”

“Don’t think of it like everything’s ending. Think of it as a beginning. Think of it as a beginning to a beautiful relationship. Nothing has to end.”

We sat in silence and watched the sun set a final time.

I didn’t even notice him pull something out of his pocket. It was a black marker. I opened my mouth to ask what he was doing but he put a finger to my lips and said, “Shh.” He turned to the wooden rail behind us, the one that we sat by the last however many nights. I couldn’t see what he was writing until he was through.

Where an endless torrent of love began.

I started to cry. It was so perfect. It wasn’t an end. It was just a beginning.

“Now this we will never forget.” He kissed me.

And I wouldn’t forget. Ever.

http://i419.photobucket.com/albums/pp275/ConradWriter/042_endless.jpg


_________________
Sin has lost its power. Death has lost its sting. From the grave You've risen. Victoriously! Into marvelous light I'm running, out of darkness, out of shame. By the cross You are the truth, You are the light, You are the way.
~Proud Christian~
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
ashleylee   View This User's Portfolio
You belong with me
Master of the Forum

692
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 16
Joined: 13 Mar 2008
Posts: 1208
Reviews: 692
Country: some place that I can only dream about
895 Points

PostPosted: Wed Oct 01, 2008 12:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

This is a really cute thought and you have all the right elements for a good story...but something was missing Confused

I just didn't feel for the MC's as I should. I think it was the speed in which you told the story and the whole pace of the relationship. I know you were trying to fit it into one single piece, but I think in doing so, you missed the main emotion in here.

Try to incorporate more emotions in here, make us feel for your characters, you know? Instead of basically telling us all that happened, show us! Wink

Hope this helps!

_________________
-Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart-
~William Wordsworth
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message MSN Messenger
FreakyDoo12   View This User's Portfolio
Writer

10

Age: 16
Joined: 03 Oct 2008
Posts: 59
Reviews: 10
Country: Darkness
300 Points

PostPosted: Mon Oct 13, 2008 2:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh my. I love your descriptions,. I'm quite busy now so I'll come back and review it properly.

_________________
Scared are you?
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
olivia1987uk   View This User's Portfolio
Novelist

164
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 21
Joined: 22 Jun 2008
Posts: 257
Reviews: 164

392 Points

PostPosted: Mon Oct 13, 2008 2:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I agree with ashleylee here...

Nice little plot and whatnot but we need to get to know the main character a bit better so we, as readers, can relate...

The dscriptions were good so kudos for that...

I liked this bit...
My pasty white skin will probably turn the color of a tomato in an hour even with sunscreen. My hair will be permanently sandy and I’ll never get the taste of salt water out of my mouth.


If I were you I would perhaps split it into two sections for posting and add to your character definition a little bit...

Thanks for posting!

_________________
Olivia
xxx
http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic36697.html
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message AIM Address MSN Messenger
Writing for love is a pas   View This User's Portfolio
Novelist

79
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 14
Joined: 02 Apr 2008
Posts: 254
Reviews: 79
Country: none ya (US)
300 Points

PostPosted: Thu Oct 16, 2008 11:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Aww! I almost cries, (a happy cry)

I wish that would hapen to me..... Humph.....

Wonderful job dear, I will read more of your stufff..

_________________
Why have a heart if a heart can be broken. Thats the one thing that can never be bought again.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Display posts from previous:   
This thread was created on September 30, 2008
Post new topic   Reply to topic
   Young Writers Society Forum Index » Romantic Fiction All times are GMT
Page 1 of 1

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
You can attach files in this forum
You can download files in this forum
This thread was created on September 30, 2008

Graphics By Bobo | YWS Sword & Shield Logo by Bobo
Bartemius says, Making the simple complicated is commonplace; making the complicated simple, awesomely simple, that's creativity. - Charles Mingus
Contact | Memberlist | Copyright Policy | YWS Store | Site Map
Facebook |  Goodreads |  Live Journal |  MySpace |  Wikipedia

© 2004 - 2008 The Young Writers Society