This is the final of this little story (I think). My perticular concern is to do with the amount of swearing in the argument. I might have overdone it a bit, but, then again, I swear a lot when I'm uber angry... Anyhoo, thanks for reading

~Hailey~ xoxo

The shadows leached at the very foundations of who you were, your vitality, your spirit, your daring, and, most of all, your freedom. Yet, you didn’t see them. You didn’t notice their hungry steel jaws tearing at your flesh. I watched them suck you dry as I battled to show you what they were, but you refused to look, preferring to close your eyes, encouraging me to do the same. It’s okay, it’s alright, don’t be afraid, be brave…

I slammed the front door, the sound reverberating off of the bare walls.

‘Seb! I know you’re in here!’ I bellowed, my anger echoing back at me. I rounded the corner of our bedroom, and the sight that met my eyes fed the flames within me. Seb was sprawled on the mattress, the evidence of his addiction scattered around him. He raised his head to look at me, his eyes unfocused.

‘What the fuck are you doing?! You were meant to work today!’ I yelled. My eyes raked his bare arms, picking out the bruises the needles had made.

‘Yeah… I couldn’t…’ he moaned, his head dropping back to the bed.

‘How the fuck do you expect me to keep everything afloat alone, Seb?! I’m already working double shifts just to keep us going, and you wont even go to fucking work! I have to pay for your fucking drug addiction as well!’ I roared. Seb sat up, swaying slightly. There were shadows under his dull eyes, once so vibrant and full of life. His skin was sallow, his hair lank, the flesh hanging from his bones. I felt a pang within me at the sight of him.

‘I was fired,’ he rasped. I tried to bite back tears, a mixture of anger and deep despair.

‘Of course you fucking were. You can’t do anything anymore, so how the hell could you hold down a job?! You’re a fucking loser, Seb. A nothing’

He didn’t say anything, didn’t even look at me. He just stared glassy-eyed at the cracked ceiling above my head.

‘Look at you, you’re just a worthless fuck. You’re always out of it, lying there wasting your fucking life away. Well I’m fucking jack of it, Seb. I’m not paying for another dose of heroine. You can go to hell!’ Spite saturated my voice, daring him to defend himself, just asking for him to fight back. He didn’t move, didn’t speak, didn’t even blink. Why wouldn’t he say something?!

‘I’m leaving! Do you hear me? I’m fucking leaving you!’ I screamed. He tilted his head towards me, locking his hollow eyes on mine. His eyes were so unbearable to see, anguished, tormented.

‘Please don’t go,’ he whispered, sounding so completely helpless and despairing that the anger drained out of me. I slumped onto the end of the bed and covered my face with my hands, blocking out the peeling, dilapidated walls.

‘I can’t do this anymore, Seb. I can’t live like this. I can’t stand looking at you anymore. I don’t even know who you are,’ I sobbed as the tears broke free of my control. The bed sheet rustled as he moved and I felt his hand press gently onto my shoulder. I couldn’t even sum up the energy to shake it off.

‘I used to want to spend every moment of my day and night with you. Now, I can’t even bare to come home because I know what I’ll find.’

‘I’m sorry,’ he murmured.

‘You’re always sorry, Seb. But nothing ever changes. We used to have fun, remember? We used to laugh as much as we breathed. I have all these memories of mad adventures, lazy summer days and spending hours snuggled up on the couch keeping each other warm. Do you remember that picnic we went on, where we lay in the grass until the sun went down just looking for pictures in the clouds? Or how about that time when you dragged me out of my cosy house just because you wanted to dance in the rain? What happened to our lives, Seb? We live in a shitty little flat in a slummy neighbourhood and the only times we see each other we fight. What happened to our dreams?’

I raised my head and gazed at him through my tears. In his eyes, suddenly clear and focused, I saw a faint flair of the boy I used to know; a fierce longing to end my pain and make it right.

‘I can change, Jade. I know everything is shitty now, but I’ll make it better. I’ll bring those days back,’ he pledged. I shook my head.

‘I don’t think you can.’

‘Don’t say that. I know I can. Don’t write me off. I can change,’ he repeated pleadingly. I stared into his heartbreaking eyes and sighed.

‘You’d have to give up the drugs.’

He stiffened, his eyes hardening, his brow furrowing. I bit my lip, waiting.

‘Okay,’ he replied. I stared him down.

‘You have to really mean it this time.’

He nodded. ‘I do.’

I crumpled, flinging my arms around his neck and melting into his embrace. He stroked my hair.

‘I’m so sorry I did this to you, Jade. I promise everything will be alright again.’

I nodded into his chest, too exhausted to smother the hope that was growing inside me. A hope that brighter days were ahead.

Why was my whole world constructed on you? If I’d really stopped to look, I would have realised what a shaky creature you were to build on. Audacious, limitless, with a need to live to the extreme and a disregard for right and wrong. Your were quicksand, constantly shifting, swallowing me whole the moment I stumbled across you. And once I was in, it was impossible to pull myself out…

I hugged my knees close to my chest as a stray tear slowly slid down my cheek. My half-empty glass of vodka stared silently at me, reprimanding me without words. I was crying again. When would it end? The empty days, the sleepless nights, the crushing loneliness. Would it ever end? Would the rest of my life be spent in mourning for my broken heart? The TV blared at me, the noises running together so that it was all just meaningless sound. I thought back over the conversation with my mother earlier that day.

You’ve got to stop this, Jade! All this moping, it wont do you any good. You’ve cried for him enough. It’s time to move on.

Do you think I don’t want to? Do you think I like my empty husk of a life? Do you think I choose this?

Yes, I think you do. I don’t think you want to move on. You keep waiting for him, Jade. It’s time to let him go.

But I can’t. I just can’t…

I let the memory fade, realising she was right. I was waiting for him. Waiting for him to stop tearing himself to pieces. Waiting for me to become more important than the drugs. He was like a man telling his mistress he would leave his wife. I will soon, I promise. Just let me figure everything out first…Except he never did. It was always ‘soon’, or ‘tomorrow’, accompanied by every excuse under the sun. I had to accept it. There just wasn’t enough room for me in his relationship with heroine.

A fresh tear made the long journey down my cheek, falling from my chin in a way that I felt like copying. I had done the right thing, hadn’t I? I did what you were meant to do. I had packed my few remaining belongings and left the desolate house we shared, moving in with a friend. But if I did everything right, why did I feel so wrong? Why did I lie awake at night, hugging myself tightly, trying to keep the demons at bay?

I still hadn’t gotten used to sleeping alone. I would finally drift off in the early hours of the morning, tossing and turning my way through a few measly moments. Sometimes I was lucky and didn’t dream at all. Other nights his face filled every second, flashing from the laughing Seb with shining eyes I had fallen in love with, to the sunken-cheeked husk that I barely knew. I always woke with a start, automatically reaching across to the other side of the bed for the protection and reassurance he had constantly given me. The moment of sickening shock hadn’t lessoned every time I found him gone.

And it had been months now.

I grasped my glass as though it was my life support. I didn’t normally condone drowning my sorrows with drugs; that was what I had left him for. But tonight was a special exception.

It was hard to believe that four years had passed me by since he had entered my life. Four years since he had secured a seat next to me with a winning smile and teasing charm. It seemed that we had never gotten off of that fair ride; it had continued to fling us around long after the machine itself had stopped. We were whizzed to extreme heights and depths, always moving so fast that everything around us was just a blur. But that is how it was with Seb.

I wondered if he was thinking about the same things I was, about how far we had come in the four years since we had met. He’s probably too off his face to even remember the date I thought sullenly, taking another sip of vodka. The bitter liquid charred my throat, burning at the stinging edges of my emotions. The fog it created in my head made them easier to endure. He probably can’t even remember my name.I picked up the remote and flipped to another channel, trying to concentrate on the coloured lights of the screen. I wished I had gone with Jamie. She had practically begged me to go with her to the club in another of her increasingly desperate attempts to get me out of the house. I thought tonight would have been harder than ever to be around other people, holding a smile on my reluctant face. I didn’t realise it would have been far easier than being alone, with nothing to distract me from my thoughts.

If I could do it all over, would I have left Seb? Or better still, would I have accepted his company at the fair that day? I knew the right answer, the proper answer; I would have brushed him off so he never entered my life. But the truth was, I had no life before Seb. I was alive, sure, but I wasn’t conscious. I was cautious, practical, safe. Asleep. Seb shook me awake, dangling me by the ankle from the top of mountains, forcing me to look around and feel things. Now he was gone, and I just wanted to go back to sleep. The pain wasn’t worth it. God, I missed him.

I was startled out of my reminiscence by the sound of my mobile’s energetic vibration against the table. I stared at it blankly as is wriggled, the screen flashing, announcing an incoming call. I reached out and picked it up, reading the caller ID.

Seb.

My heart jumped into my throat. I knew what I should do now. I should push the little button with the red icon that would sever the call. My thumb moved to the red button, but then drifted over to the one with the green icon, the one that would answer the call and suck me back into my previous life. I bit my lip, dallying between them, deciding. I set my jaw with determination, and pushed the button…