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This thread was created on September 29, 2008
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As the Sun Sets
Topic ID: 36614
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grimy89098
Writer
Gender: 
Age: 15
Joined: 05 Jul 2008
Posts: 63
Reviews: 15
Country: Australia
356 Points
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 Posted: Mon Sep 29, 2008 7:10 am Post subject: As the Sun Sets |
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well i wrote this a few days ago, and as usual ive been to lazy to edit it any further than what i have.
ill prob end up givin it to my gf, but shes out of town at the moment, so i thought i might post it on here and see what you think 
I dream some nights,
(that voice)
of walking across the beach,
(that beautiful aroma)
you with me,
(those amazing eyes)
under the orange streaked sky,
(that lifting embrace)
as the sun sets.
(your love) |
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Maki-Chan
Ganbaru! I will do my best!
Master of the Forum
Gender: 
Age: 16
Joined: 07 Nov 2007
Posts: 2110
Reviews: 265
Country: USA
343 Points
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| Posted: Mon Sep 29, 2008 6:19 pm Post subject: |
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| i like the way you used (_) after a phrase. It was like he was saying the phrase and then thinking of the part in the (_). This really drew me in and is written nicely; however I have seen WAY too many of these peoms that compare live with a setting sun or a rising sun, but with all that said I still like this. I am a sucker for the mooshy love poems. Your GF with like this ^_^ |
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| This thread was created on September 29, 2008 |
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