Stop The Scrolling Header | Enable the Scrolling Header

Young Writers Society
News:  

The Top 25!

Favorite part of writing?
Username:    Password:      Log me on automatically each visit    
Secrets of the Unfaithful {3}
Secrets of the Unfaithful {3}

by Angel of Death in Romantic Fiction
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Lyric Poetry

This thread was created on September 29, 2008
Post new topic   Reply to topic
Digg It Del.icio.us


True Friend

Topic ID: 36612
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
PianoKeysAreDying   View This User's Portfolio
New Member


Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 15
Joined: 13 Apr 2008
Posts: 1
Reviews: 0

300 Points

PostPosted: Mon Sep 29, 2008 5:26 am    Post subject: True Friend Reply with quote

Wise old friend, sweet painter of insight, help me to see.

Allow me to learn under your tender shade.

Let me lie in your good friend, grass

And feel Earth, ageless and ancient, behind my back,

And run my velvet fingers through her cold sponged soil.

And let me smile, let me grin up at your leafy hands waving to me

Please let me sit with you, and listen to your song

The one you sing when wind flies in like an unexpected friend,

And summons your green fingers up in a chorus of whispers

Please watch me as I learn, and as I grow.

As I gain wisdom from every ant and every cast-off stone

And grow a larger soul and a larger heart, simply from

Gaining understanding from all and not just one.

And from you, for allowing me to let my face breathe fresh air

For allowing any mask that suffocated me to fall away.

Thank you, for letting me splash in the creek – freely

Letting a million marbles of winking water dive up into the air.

And for letting me play on your shoulders, 

And run my hand over your calloused coffee-grain skin.

Watch me now, as I breathe in the scent of morning,

The fresh smell of new leaves and the perfume of birthing buds,

As I laugh with the calling birds and singing crickets,

And know that you have helped me. 

Purely by just being there, for having your roots deep in the ground,

For always lending me a scratchy dark branch to hang onto,

And for tipping me a smile, always.

Thank you, my friend, for helping me

By being what a friend should be, someone who –

With their gentle laugh and open palms – 

Sees me as I am.

And doesn’t mind

_________________
There is nothing wrong with letting people who love you help you. -Iroh of Avatar: the Last Airbender
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
grimy89098   View This User's Portfolio
Writer

15
Gender: Gender:Male
Age: 15
Joined: 05 Jul 2008
Posts: 63
Reviews: 15
Country: Australia
356 Points

PostPosted: Mon Sep 29, 2008 6:42 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very Happy awsome poem

keep writing cause thats really good, A+ 4 u!
can't wait to see more stuff from you

-grimy

_________________
"practice makes perfect but no body's perfect so why bother practice?" -Jye Arbon (my friend)
"everybody's entitled to be stupid, but you're abusing the privilege." -people in my class
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
miyaviloves   View This User's Portfolio
Love me less but love me a long time.
Speaker of the Forum

560
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 18
Joined: 05 Oct 2006
Posts: 832
Reviews: 560
Country: England
352 Points

PostPosted: Mon Sep 29, 2008 11:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

This made me smile Smile

I don't really like to comment on grammatical or other poetery issues as I can't write poetry so I feel like a bit of a hypocrit, but it provoked a reaction from me so I suppose it is doing it's job.

Well done Smile

Either way (I feel like I am saying this A LOT at the moment) PLEASE review two other pieces of work before you post your own stuff, you are more likely to get reviews if yo ureview others, and it's just the done thing around here.

Meevs

_________________
Je crains que pour tout ça tu doives entendre je t'aime.

Got YWS?
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
chichi   View This User's Portfolio
Writer

57
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 15
Joined: 04 Oct 2008
Posts: 62
Reviews: 57
Country: Australia
300 Points

PostPosted: Sat Oct 04, 2008 4:34 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

That was a truly beautiful poem. I love the way you bring us into this world with your imagery and words. Only one thing I can possibly say. It's a little awkward and it ruined the line for me:

Quote:
The one you sing when wind flies in like an unexpected friend,


Not exactly sure what you mean by the comparison, as unexpected friends can be good or bad, depending on how much you've cooked (lame joke). I think that the comparison is strange, that "Unexpected friend" should be changed to something else.

Other than that, this is the best thing I've read all day!

_________________
Smart signatures are all off Google.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Display posts from previous:   
This thread was created on September 29, 2008
Post new topic   Reply to topic
   Young Writers Society Forum Index » Lyric Poetry All times are GMT
Page 1 of 1

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
You can attach files in this forum
You can download files in this forum
This thread was created on September 29, 2008

Graphics By Bobo | YWS Sword & Shield Logo by Bobo
Bartemius says, Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines, Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. - Mark Twain
Contact | Memberlist | Copyright Policy | YWS Store | Site Map
Facebook |  Goodreads |  Live Journal |  MySpace |  Wikipedia

© 2004 - 2008 The Young Writers Society