Topic ID: 36612
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PianoKeysAreDying
New Member

Gender:  Age: 15 Joined: 13 Apr 2008 Posts: 1 Reviews: 0
300 Points
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Posted: Mon Sep 29, 2008 5:26 am Post subject: True Friend |
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Wise old friend, sweet painter of insight, help me to see.
Allow me to learn under your tender shade.
Let me lie in your good friend, grass
And feel Earth, ageless and ancient, behind my back,
And run my velvet fingers through her cold sponged soil.
And let me smile, let me grin up at your leafy hands waving to me
Please let me sit with you, and listen to your song
The one you sing when wind flies in like an unexpected friend,
And summons your green fingers up in a chorus of whispers
Please watch me as I learn, and as I grow.
As I gain wisdom from every ant and every cast-off stone
And grow a larger soul and a larger heart, simply from
Gaining understanding from all and not just one.
And from you, for allowing me to let my face breathe fresh air
For allowing any mask that suffocated me to fall away.
Thank you, for letting me splash in the creek – freely
Letting a million marbles of winking water dive up into the air.
And for letting me play on your shoulders,
And run my hand over your calloused coffee-grain skin.
Watch me now, as I breathe in the scent of morning,
The fresh smell of new leaves and the perfume of birthing buds,
As I laugh with the calling birds and singing crickets,
And know that you have helped me.
Purely by just being there, for having your roots deep in the ground,
For always lending me a scratchy dark branch to hang onto,
And for tipping me a smile, always.
Thank you, my friend, for helping me
By being what a friend should be, someone who –
With their gentle laugh and open palms –
Sees me as I am.
And doesn’t mind |
_________________ There is nothing wrong with letting people who love you help you. -Iroh of Avatar: the Last Airbender |
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grimy89098
Writer

 Gender:  Age: 15 Joined: 05 Jul 2008 Posts: 63 Reviews: 15 Country: Australia 356 Points
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Posted: Mon Sep 29, 2008 6:42 am Post subject: |
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awsome poem
keep writing cause thats really good, A+ 4 u!
can't wait to see more stuff from you
-grimy |
_________________ "practice makes perfect but no body's perfect so why bother practice?" -Jye Arbon (my friend)
"everybody's entitled to be stupid, but you're abusing the privilege." -people in my class |
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miyaviloves
Love me less but love me a long time. Speaker of the Forum

 Gender:  Age: 18 Joined: 05 Oct 2006 Posts: 832 Reviews: 560 Country: England 352 Points
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Posted: Mon Sep 29, 2008 11:06 am Post subject: |
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This made me smile
I don't really like to comment on grammatical or other poetery issues as I can't write poetry so I feel like a bit of a hypocrit, but it provoked a reaction from me so I suppose it is doing it's job.
Well done
Either way (I feel like I am saying this A LOT at the moment) PLEASE review two other pieces of work before you post your own stuff, you are more likely to get reviews if yo ureview others, and it's just the done thing around here.
Meevs |
_________________ Je crains que pour tout ça tu doives entendre je t'aime.
Got YWS? |
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chichi
Writer

 Gender:  Age: 15 Joined: 04 Oct 2008 Posts: 62 Reviews: 57 Country: Australia 300 Points
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Posted: Sat Oct 04, 2008 4:34 am Post subject: |
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That was a truly beautiful poem. I love the way you bring us into this world with your imagery and words. Only one thing I can possibly say. It's a little awkward and it ruined the line for me:
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| The one you sing when wind flies in like an unexpected friend, |
Not exactly sure what you mean by the comparison, as unexpected friends can be good or bad, depending on how much you've cooked (lame joke). I think that the comparison is strange, that "Unexpected friend" should be changed to something else.
Other than that, this is the best thing I've read all day! |
_________________ Smart signatures are all off Google. |
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