Topic ID: 36590
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BlondeTwiggy
Junior Writer
Gender: 
Age: 18
Joined: 20 May 2008
Posts: 25
Reviews: 13
Country: USA
300 Points
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 Posted: Sun Sep 28, 2008 7:02 pm Post subject: I Marvel at the Work of Men |
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I marvel at the work of men:
That silver ’scrapers grand
And bubbled crowns of Capitols,
Or minarets, still stand—
But what are they compared to pines
Or God’s domed Azure Hall?
The landscape of His nature’s room
Is stateliest of all. |
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lilchoma
Junior Writer
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Age: 16
Joined: 17 Sep 2008
Posts: 49
Reviews: 24
300 Points
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| Posted: Mon Sep 29, 2008 1:48 pm Post subject: |
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i really really like this poem, you know. I mean, despite its length or rather lack thereof, you really made it work. I don't think it would need to be any longer, because it seems that you fit everything you meant to say in these eigth lines, and you did it very well.
I must admit, however, that the second stanza seems better than the first. The first just doesn't flow as nicely, plus there seems to be a mistake, at least I think so.
"That silver 'scrapers grand"
well, i think it should be "those silver 'scrapers grand", just simple number agreement that you seem to have missed. And then, I can't say I like the use of the word "or" in the fourth line of the first stanza, but then again, I myself can't think of another way to put it, i just don't think it sounds quite right.
The second stanza was fantabulous, though. So true, and all though you didn't go into terrible detail about all the beauty of God's creation, (which could have taken quite a while), you summed it up nicely, and consicely.
"But what are they compared to pines...?" That was my favorite part. Immediately I got a picture in my mind, so even just one word - pines - is great imagery the way you used it.
So yea, great peice, i really enjoyed reading it. Thanks for the great read! |
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"I think that I shall never see a poem lovely as a tree...Poems are made by fools like me, but only God can make a tree" |
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Anna Graham
Writer
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Age: 17
Joined: 02 Aug 2008
Posts: 89
Reviews: 35
Country: "The undiscover'd country, from whose bourn no traveller returns"
349 Points
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| Posted: Mon Sep 29, 2008 10:33 pm Post subject: |
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A gold star. My sentiments exactly. Well done!
--Anna |
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"I like this place and willingly could waste my time in it" --As You Like It, Act 2 Scene 4 |
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lxtmidnight
Writer
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Age: 15
Joined: 13 Dec 2007
Posts: 51
Reviews: 9
Country: United States!
273 Points
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| Posted: Wed Oct 01, 2008 7:25 pm Post subject: |
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| I love this! It's hard (at least for me) to pack such a strong message in so few lines, but you did it extremely well. *hands gold star* |
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Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self.
-Cyril Connolly |
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adriangarcia
Senior Writer
Gender: 
Age: 18
Joined: 21 Nov 2007
Posts: 104
Reviews: 70
Country: United States of America
300 Points
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| Posted: Mon Oct 06, 2008 4:39 am Post subject: |
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Very refreshing. I enjoyed it immensely.
Criticism ... Some words upset the flow of the poem. It almost makes it come to a halt.
But, like I said, I enjoyed it immensely. |
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